Gerald D'Cunha

  “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most miserable have become the most compassionate.”  - Kahlil Gibran   A while ago, I was talking to an elderly woman on phone. Though she lives with her family, she sounded a lot ‘alone’… I said, ‘a lot alone’… It took a long time for me to know how different are ‘being lonely’ and ‘being alone’… For all of us, ‘being lonely’ is how it starts… Our daily conflicts, disappointments, regrets, misunderstandings, fights, struggles, and lack of trust and love –- yes, that’s where the loneliness sets into our hearts… We resist, we blame, we argue, we live in self-pity and denial… and we keep living in that state till we realize the futility of all this –- living in victimhood. Lack of trust and anger slowly turn into poison. Frankly, till we do not realize it –- how poisonous our heats have turned –- there is no way we can realize how ‘being lonely’ is different from ‘being alone’… So, the elderly wo...

  “Stillness is the language God speaks, and all else is a bad translation.” — Eckhart Tolle   I met this doctor friend of mine after many years when I rejoined the Tai Chi classes. He is a gentle soul; and his presence and speech, always, have a   calming effect on me. Every Sunday morning, after our Tai Chi session, we both sit in a nearby Mani’s restaurant for a simple cup of tea… During those few minutes there, we discuss anything that is simple and light… But, I don’t know if what we discussed this morning was simple and light… One of the relatives of my doctor friend (Age 56) is at a terminal stage of cancer. She and her husband have come (from Dubai) to stay at the residence of my doctor friend for undergoing Chemotherapy in one of the hospitals in Mumbai. “Presence of loved ones around can help the recovery process,” I said. “That’s true,” said my friend, “However, one can be lonely even when surrounded by several loved ones around. Inner issues ne...

  “The capacity to learn is a gift; the ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice.” — Brian Herbert   L earning shouldn’t stop. This means, we should be lifelong learners. But, then, there are thousands of things out there, which we won’t be able to learn… Did I say, “We won’t be able to learn”? Yes, I did… For, as Brian Herbert says, “The ability to learn is a skill.” And, skills need to be honed, developed, finetunes –- either on our own (self-develop, like Ekalavya did), or under some experts and trainers… What is interesting to note is, that our ability to learn (skill) is sandwiched between our capacity to learn (gift/talent) on one side, and our willingness to learn (choice) on the other… How interesting! Take swimming for example. I think, I am capable of learning it, and I am, certainly, able to learn it. But, if I have no willingness to learn it, it clearly tells, it is because I make that choice -- not to learn. This lu...

  “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” — Anaïs Nin   T his morning, I met an old friend after several years. When he told me where he presently lived, I exclaimed, “Wow, that’s one of the most prominent locations.” “That’s what everyone says; but, not we who live there,” my friend said. The building, as I said, was located at one of the most expensive areas. The ground floor housed luxurious clothing and jewelry brands. Each floor had just one huge flat… Each flat owner possessed a matching car, as well… Then, why was my friend saying, “but, not we who live there”? My friend explained: “Ours may be a hot property and we may be owing flats worth several crores…   But, the irony is, that we can possess only one car even if we can afford to own more… To park our cars, to get them out and to get them in… it’s our daily challenge. Then, there is noise, dust, and endless honking… Visitors have to park their cars almost a mile away and come w...

  “Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings  instead of your own.” ― Harold Coffin   ‘T hou shall not covet.’ This was the last of the Ten Commandments. When our Sunday-school teacher tried to explain to us the meaning of the word ‘Covet’, I don’t remember getting it. With time, I understood the term referred to ‘lust’ -– an obsession with what rightfully didn’t belong to us. Thus, I kept adding to this ‘lust list’ –- ‘Thou shall not covet thy neighbours’ wealth, spouse, success, and whatever that’s his. For long, I wasn’t able to follow the Tenth Commandment… To be specific: ‘Thou shall not covet thy neighbours’ success’. When my neighbour succeeded, I would simply feel jealous of him… Oh, that familiar feeling of being a small person, a loser! Trust me, this feeling of inadequacy lasted for many years in my life. Then, a time came, when I started rejoicing in my neighbours’ success… I started seeing him as myself –- his success/glory as my own…...

  “In learning, you will teach; and in teaching, you will learn.” ―  Phil Collins   S ome days ago, I saw this little girl (first standard) waiting for the lift to come. She was being brought home by a house-help. We were there waiting for the lift for a couple of minutes… and, the little lady initiated a discussion with me… “What is your flat number? Mine is …” I gave mine as innocently as the little one had offered hers. “I like my school… Did you like yours?” I was caught off-guard by this angle… Can I afford to be absolutely honest in my answer? I was swiftly thinking, “At her age, I did not like to go to school… I was scared of some strict teachers and I was weak in studies… So, how would I answer this little lady? Should I tell her “No, I did not like… I was scared of my teachers? Or, should I sugarcoat my answer… ‘Yes, honey, I liked my school’”? Mercifully, the lift had landed on the ground floor and we rushed inside… The question was left outsi...

“A river cuts through rock not because of its power; but, because of its persistence.” –  James Watkins   W hat is good –- I mean very, very good –- lives very, very long. Fads and jingoism, no matter how viral you make them in today’s world of reels, hello, I am telling you – all the Gen -z’s and Gen Alpha or whatever that is… Yes, focus on being good, creating good stuff that really lives long… not for the next twenty-four hours… Do it in such a way, that just the word of mouth spreads your work – and you – through generations… Old school? Outdated advice? O n this birthday of mine (24/7), I decided take a day off from my daily grind of teaching, writing etc. We cooked some fine delicacies and decided to have the birthday lunch at the residence of an elderly uncle and aunt. They were thrilled… and to see the joy in their hearts was extremely fulfilling for us… From there, we proceeded to watch ‘Odyssey’ at the iconic cinema hall –- ‘Eros’ at Churchgate. I had...

  “Don’t just count your blessings. Be the blessing other people count on.” –  Anonymous   E arly in the morning, today, a 14-year-old excitedly sent this message: “Happy B’day Sir. Have an amazing year ahead… Waiting to read your article about today.” I smiled… This young girl was not alone. Half a dozen of my well-wishers had already wished me… Some on 22 nd , and some on 23 rd … I replied to the 14-year-old: “HaHa… Madam, you may have to wait for today’s sun to go down, so that you can see the old man turning 68 tomorrow, that is July 24. Thank you dear for your wishes… I will treasure them well.” Well, now that this young well-wisher of mine says, that she is waiting to read my article on my b’day. She, like all others, wants me to have an ‘amazing’ year ahead… Several times, I have used the Zen quote: “Wherever you go, you carry yourself.” This means, that if I have not found the year that I am about to cross as an ‘amazing’ one –- that is, if...