Gerald D'Cunha

  “Sweet sixteen today. She’s looking like her mamma a little more every day.” Bob Carlisle   I love to watch young kids - especially those sweet-sixteens - when they carry themselves in their special clothes, with grace, elegance and confidence. I don’t think, everyone can do that.   I may be   wrong when I say this, though… I can say about my own discomfort when I was a teenager. I felt desperately shy whenever I tried something new. A simple change, like tucking my shirt in… I remember feeling so awkward whenever I attempted that. Inside the house, I would try for hours doing my dress-rehearsal before the mirror; but, the moment I stepped outside my house, my shirt would come out, too! Trying a new style was a nightmare for me… “Everyone is watching me”… “Everyone is judging me”… “I don’t look good”… Yes, as a teenager, I have battled with these poor self-esteem issues… the ghosts of self-doubts. Today, when I will be 67 this year, trying a new atti...

          “ Why think of liberation at some future time? Liberation is in the little things, here and now.” B. K. S. Iyengar W ith every passing moment, and with every breath I take, I become more and more aware, that if I do not find my happiness here and now, I won’t be able to find it anywhere else, and at any other time… Happiness cannot be postponed… It fizzles out the moment we postpone for a future date. S ome years ago, when this young girl (one of dear ex-students) got married, she really seemed the happiest. Her father, who owned a small grocery store in their vicinity, spent a bomb (a few crores) on his daughter’s wedding, just because the boy’s family wanted it that way, and, for some strange reasons, everyone on girls’ side thought, it’s all worth it. At hindsight, a small man going to this length, with the misplaced hope, that his daughter would be the happiest at her husband’s place – yes, at hindsight, such a thought sounds very naive...

  “The beauty of an empty nest is the opportunity to cultivate a garden of self-growth” Unknown I was twenty when I left my home to find better prospects in Bombay. My mom must’ve just crossed forty and dad fifty. Of their five sons, the eldest, Franklin, had already left home, two years earlier, to be a sailor. They still had three more sons at home – Harry, Rony and Vivek. Harry left home to find work in Bombay, soon… In some years, Rony left home to find his new pastures in Kuwait, and so did the last son of my parents – Vivek. Very soon, he, too, came and settled here in Bombay… By then, Bombay had become Mumbai, and, with our dad gone to God’s home, our own home had become an empty nest… I remember, how my parents must’ve felt, when each of their sons left their nest. I remember, particularly, how my mother had felt when I was leaving… I was her favourite son. I was traveling from Mangalore to Bombay by a bus (first time). When I boarded the bus in Mangalore, she re...

  “By chance we meet; by choice we become friends.” Millie   T his morning, I saw a message from Naresh, a dear friend of mine. “Sir, Prem is in town. He will be leaving tonight. So, if possible, try to meet him today.” It was sometime in 1985-86. I was teaching T.Y. B. Com students in small batches all over our suburb. Charan (a girl), who was a T.Y. student of one of my Anushakti Nagar baches, had told about me to Naresh and his friend Prem… So, one evening, I saw these two extremely handsome, young men waiting to meet me after Charan’s batch was over. They came about exceptionally gentle, respectful and, as I said, handsome. But, what has stayed with me is the first image: Naresh and Prem showed up in identical clothes – black trousers and white shirts… Impeccably dressed… Four decades later, these two friends have remained inseparable… the best friends. Of course, they live in two different parts of India… do different kinds of businesses… wear no more identical ...

“What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.” Brene Brown R ashi is 23-year-old. She has some health issues - some physical, some mental. She lost her father when she was writing her tenth-standard Board exams. But, she wrote, when asked to write about her strengths, “I can be emotionally strong.” In her short explanation, Rashi described, how, when her dad collapsed and died, everyone at home – her mother, brother, grandmother – broke down uncontrollably, she remained strong and   calmed down everyone around her. Similarly, Rashi wrote about what she was good at and loved to do the most – baking. “She makes excellent cakes,” says her mother with pride… Yet, Rashi’s mother is concerned about her 23-year-old daughter, because of the young one’s certain physical and mental health issues… “Sir, will she be able to communicate clearly and logically? Will she be independent, show self-motivation?”… Concerns like these. I have been helping Rashi for some days no...

  “Thoughts become things.  If you see it in your mind,  you will hold it in your hand.” Bob Proctor A t the outset of Napoleon Hill’s ‘Think and Grow Rich’, there is this chapter called – ‘Thoughts are Things’. I was barely 20-plus and I was asking incessantly the question: “How do our dreams come true?”. As I have told a million times (not an exaggeration), this book provided me with the answer: “If I think clearly, whatever my mind is able to conceive and believe, I will be able to achieve it.” And, all that my young-self   wanted to achieve in my life was to teach, write and empower young kids… and, that’s in a setting I would create for myself. I remember, seeing that picture clyster-clearly in my mind… I was piercing, all consuming. And, all the while, I remember believing in it. Yes, my mind was able to conceive this simple dream and believe in it… The rest was the ancient ‘Law of Attraction’… All doubts and fears dissolved; all support appeared. As it...

  “I felt in need of a great pilgrimage. So, I sat still for three days… and God came to me.” Kabir   O ne of the places, I very often visit whenever I find a strong urge in me to do, is the Mount Mary church at Bandra. Now, many times I do that all alone, and many times with my family. But, the, if you ask me, if I go there during the Bandra Fair (the week following Mother Mary’s birthday sept 8) – I say, without any hesitation – “No, I don’t” That’s because, I simply can’t connect to Mother Mary, Jesus or God in a ‘Fair’ – a mela. I can feel the personal deep connect, only when I am – like sever strangers out there inside the shrine – sitting there quietly all alone. Yes, there is a strange high when I tell others, that I visited the ‘Bandra Fair’… But, why did I do that? ‘ Jana maolo jaatre marolo’… This is an age-old saying in Kannada. It means, people behave strangely in every religious fair and melas… Often they act weird, illogical and, even insane. Now...

  “ A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone.” Henry David Thoreau   I remember feeling the strongest, the most confident and secure – when I had decided to knock on strangers’ doors, telling them, “I want to teach young boys and girls.” That’s when I was just 20-something… I was a newcomer in this big city… consumed with the desire to teach… and restless. I was jobless and penniless, too. The earlier evening, TC had caught me ticketless at Mankhurd railway station, which, in those days, was the last Harbour-line station. The next local arrived only after 45 minutes… and the fine for a ticketless passenger from VT (now CST) to Mankhurd was a ‘princely’ sum of ten rupees and fifty paise! And, I had nothing in my pocket to pay the TC and get off his hook. Nor did I possess a wrist watch or a ring to pledge as security till I could arrange the fine amount. But, that evening, when I went through some forty-five minutes of embarr...