Gerald D'Cunha

  “A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” George Moore “F irst seek to understand, then seek to be understood.” Dr. Stephen Covey places this as the Fifth Habit in his remarkable book – ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’. While explaining this habit, he says, that most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply… I am no exception… Like many around me, I, too, am, often, too quick in my judgements and reactions. I tend to judge through my own foggy glasses… My quick reactions, invariably, stem from my insecurities, inadequacies, misinformation or lack of information, and, above all, from my prejudices. Yes, I am aware of the old warning, that I should not judge a book by its cover… For, the depth, always, lies deep inside the book! But, then, in this fast-and-furious world, patience, tolerance, empathy – and the Golden advice, ‘Do to others as you would have them do to y...

  “A lighthouse doesn’t save the ships; it doesn’t go out and rescue them; it’s just this pillar that helps to guide people home.” Lea Michele   O ur two-month summer programme (Personality Development) just concluded on last Sunday (9 th June). I am a poor multitasker… I have this huge weakness – or call it a massive strength if you please – of putting all my attention into the task in hand. So, once I enter that zone, I just stay there. As I said, I am simply unable to – or willing to – focus on many other things during this period… One of the things I had to stay away from was my daily blogging… But, it did not mean, that I stayed away from writing. As in every summer, this year, too, I got all our participants to write for our latest book on Values: ‘Some Things in Life Don’t Move’. The title of this book was inspired by the endearing story Dr. Stephen Covey shares in his ground-breaking book - ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’. In fact, he claims, tha...

  “When I took a heavenly ride through our silence, I knew the moment had arrived For killing the past and coming back to life.” (From the song ‘Coming Back to Life’ by Pink Floyd)   I think, one of the most amazing graces in life is the grace of coming home; which, truly means the grace of coming back to life! In this complex world, the consoling fact about living is, that we all are fellow-humans with our respective flaws. None of us – I say ‘none of us’ – here on this planet, is a flawless soul. We are programmed to operate in this world with our respective ‘defects’. An honest awareness of this fact about us is enough to keep us firmly grounded… be kind not only towards others, but also towards ourselves. Most of us find it difficult to adjust with others, essentially because of   our inability to be kind towards others and ourselves. Others make mistakes just as we do. Others have the right to make amends just as we do. We need to overlook others’ flaw...

  “If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.” Jon Stewart H uman mind is wired to take sides! Confused? Imagine you come across a game on TV, social media or even at a local playground… You know nothing about the teams or players… Totally strangers… But, as you keep watching the game, watch you mind, as well… Are you rooting for one of the teams? Can you remain totally neutral? Similarly, imagine this: you are watching two people fighting along the road… Why? Even two bulls, dogs, goats, cats are fighting as you walk by… Is there a favourite out there? And, imagine this: you and I are watching on TV or social media so much of ‘fighting’ – mostly political – and allow ourselves to be affected by what we watch… what happens to our thinking? I don’t know about you. But, whenever I get drawn into this cesspool, I end up getting depressed – irritated, angry and very, very touchy and reactive. The worst part of this is: I am ready to spoil my close relationships for the ...

  “We forget that life isn’t as bad as we are making it out to be. We also forget that when we blow things out of proportion, we are the ones doing the blowing.” Dr. Richard Carlson   I t’s very difficult to tide over the ‘big stuff’ in life, unless and until we learn to tide over the ‘small stuff’. Now, what I may refer, here, to be ‘small stuff’, may not be ‘small’ for you, and vice versa. Most of us tend to lose perspective when faced with small irritations in life… We tend to ‘react’ without even   waiting to take the next breath. In the process, we blow it all out of proportion… We end up making mountains out of the molehills, as the old saying goes. The ability to pause before we ‘respond’ is, rightly, the definition of the word ‘Responsibility’… Our ability to respond. It helps us react less to what happens to us in our daily life… to every small, little thing. We are able to stand back – stand aside – and see the ‘small stuff’ as only that – a ‘sma...

“Bless us O Lord and these Your gifts, which we are about to receive from Your bounty. Amen.” The Grace before meal I ncidentally, two of my friends called me, last evening… Both of them with contrasting reasons. And, let me tell you this, at the outset: I have no intention to judge them… They are my normal, good friends! The first friend wanted to check, if I had any ‘bottle’ to spare at home! He knew I was a teetotaler, but occasionally sipped some sweet port-wine (For that, this friend of mine, always teased me, calling me a ‘bachha’ who refused to come out of his playschool!). This brand-conscious friend of mine seemed desperate, yesterday, and said to me, “Friend, in this time, even your port-wine is scotch for me!” Well, I joked and rewound the famous Asrani dialogue from Sholay: “Jail me pistol?” … “ Mere ghar me bottle?” No way! The other friend wanted to know, if any help was needed for our maids. He and some...