THE AMPUTATION
“What will people think?”
For many of
us, this is the biggest fear… The heaviest burden!
Now, I
hear some saying, “No, I care a damn to what people think.”
I can only smile when I hear that!
The father of a young-girl was there in my
office, this morning. The girl, who currently is in FY B’Com, had cleared her
CPT (CA entrance-exam) smoothly and had joined a reputed coaching-class for preparing
for the IPCC exams (Inter-CA exams). Along the way, the pressures had gotten
the better off of this girl, health had deteriorated and she couldn’t attend the
coaching. The parents advised the girl to take good rest, focus on her college
exams and just enjoy her college life, presently… They were very supportive and
told her that there was no hurry at all to complete her CA; that, she could
give exams, gradually in installments, as and when she felt she was able and
ready.
The girl
was just in her 3rd standard when she first heard about this word - CA.
One of her uncles had just passed the coveted CA-exam and there was a lot of
buzz about it in the family. It was then, that, this little girl had asked her
father, “Dad, what is there after CA?”…
The wagon was hitched to the stars… as the
proverb would inspire the little one!
Today, before the young-girl had joined our
discussion, the father had recounted this story to me. “Ever since then, she
had been thinking only about it and nothing else,” he told me, “She had let
everyone in the family and outside know that she would be a CA, one day… and,
it was a huge weight on her head!”
True, the girl was bright and committed. But, she
wasn’t prepared to accept failure or setbacks along… “I have to become a CA at
any cost,” was what she knew. “But, why?”… “Is there something else dearer,
closer to my heart?” she never knew; rather, she had never thought of. There
was a constant underlying fear of failure caused by the heavy weight of “I-must-at-any-cost”
attitude.
There was another load: “I don’t know what to do
if I can’t succeed… What will people think?”… This was the worst burden!
So, when things crashed suddenly along her
inter-CA studies, there was an untold amount of desperation, frustration and
pain.
The
concerned father was here to seek my advice, this morning. When the girl joined
us, I realized that she was not yet ready to go about preparing for the
up-coming exams. She needed to take a real break, nurture her soul… let go her
compulsions, come to terms with her deepest fears and insecurities… Keep some
back-up plans, explore new possibilities… and, above all, watch her anxiety -
“What people will think”.
“There are a hundred other things you can do in
life and live very happily,” I told the young-one, “CA is not the only thing.” I
also told her, “You will be able to see those things only when your mind is
unburdened, free from anxiety… the anxiety of other people’s opinion… All that
matters is your own opinion… You don’t owe an explanation to anyone in this
world, more so, when your own loved ones are with you.”
The father
had paid full fees for the entire course… and - even though he was supportive
to his daughter - he, too, had a load on his head: “How to let go of it?”
“When my leg has gangrene and my doctor says it
has to be amputated, what is the option left before me, sir?” I asked him, “You
know what will happen if I don’t let go of my rotten-leg?”
The message was conveyed effectively: The daughter’s
physical and mental well-being was more important than the hefty amount the
father had to forego!
The daughter had to amputate her gangrened belief,
too: “What will people think?”
Else, what would happen? … I am sure, the girl
knew the answer, by now.
GERALD D’CUNHA
Pics.: Girish Gupta
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--- Yatin