WITH POWER... COMES RESPONSIBILITY

“Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words:

'With great power comes great responsibility.'

 …This is my gift, my curse.

Who am I? I'm Spiderman.”

Definitely, yes.

Power – any sort of power – is supposed to be used judiciously. Yes, it is not supposed to be misused or abused. And, yes, with great power… comes great responsibility.

Thus, as Peter Parker – the Spiderman – reminds us in his movie, our great power can be our gift… or, it can be our curse, too. It just depends on how we use it: as  Spiderman does… or, his arch enemy - Green Goblin does.

We all have ‘Powers’… yes, great powers! 

As a parent, I have been using my great power on my son – right from the day he was born till date… He is going to be 20, soon. For twenty-one long years, I have been doing the same on my wife… As a teacher, I have been doing it even longer than that!

I can recall the times I have failed to use my power – my position –  judiciously. I have often, succumbed to the same temptation and weakness to which most of us do: been harsh, blunt, insensitive, dominating, intimidating and even manipulative. Oh yes, all this in the name of love, care or discipline… Perhaps, just because I could get away with whatever I have been doing. As a parent, as a husband, as a teacher – I have not used my powers judiciously, quite often.


True, therefore. The Spiderman was right: My power is my gift, my curse. With power… comes responsibility!

Last night, like Spiderman, I, just an ordinary man, too, felt like saying this:

“Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words:

'With great power comes great responsibility.'

 …This is my gift, my curse.

Who am I? I'm Spiderman.”

Around 10.30, last night, this young boy called me up. The cell-phone displayed his mom’s name and, I was surprised as to why he had called so late and that too through his mom’s phone. He sounded angry and agitated. 

“Sir, what was my mistake…? Was I not making sincere attempts…? Did I do anything wrong…? Have I missed a single class…? Have I said anything wrong to any one…? What was my mistake...? You were saying something; I was listening to you on the stage… But, why did everybody laugh? Why didn’t you stop them...?”

Well, I had a very strenuous day, yesterday. In between, 4 to 6.30, I had held the PD session… Many young ones, including this one, had come on the stage and spoken, shared… I had showed them inspiring videos… and, yesterday’s theme was: “Why should you not hide your feelings… Live them, and live them fully. Don’t deny them, suppress them, manipulate them… Own them up. Don’t live a lie!!!”

At 10. 30 night, it was evident: my students had gone home tucking the message straight inside their hearts. And, they had started implementing the lessons they had just learnt!

At least, this young man had!

I was on the receiving end!

No way could I cut him short… “You better listen to me now,” was the tone, “You better understand, I am hurt,” was the message… “And, you better practice what you preach!” was the moral of the story.

And yes, the Power game, for a while, I did try playing. “Is it all over?” I asked him.

“No, I still have something more,” he said.

“Go on... complete,” I said.

He vented out his hurt feelings and anger for another five minutes. 

“Can I speak now…? Will you listen to me?” I said with authority.

“Speak… I will only listen… and, I will not say a single word. Even if I am hurt!” he was prepared to confront me. He wasn’t before, never.

I knew his mom. She had lost her husband when her only son was very small. The son, who was close to his dad, was affected by this loss and his growth, eversince then, had never been pleasant. The mother had tough time with her son… He would get into angry bouts, frighten her with threats and, she – who was now struggling to make both ends meet – would be stressed out. “Sir, no anger, threat or discipline works with my son, except Love,” she had told me when she had come more than a year ago to enroll him in my class. “As a teacher, just don’t put on him the usual pressure you put on other children… Handle him differently. He just listens to one language: Love and affection.”

That was more than a year ago. I had kept in my mind what the mother had advised… and, things had smoothly gone by. Then, the Summer PD sessions came about and this young man happily joined. I did not put any pressure on him as far as coming on to stage… or, writing any assignment. I just wanted him to actively involve, observe… and, whenever he felt like, to come up and share. 

Last evening, he had raised his hand and come on stage to read out a passage that he had found inspiring. Well, I was the choreographer of the 'show'… So, I had to be a little careful when this artiste had come to play. Because, he came about a lot different – even silly – there was some laughing in the audience. I did not realize, till this young man vented it out at late night - that, essentially the freedom to laugh was unleashed by what I had said when this young boy was on stage. 

I may justify now saying that it was just an advice I gave him, or a remark I made with good intention, or my love, care or whatever… But, the truth was that I had failed to use my power as a teacher to safeguard this sensitive heart. I had to be careful about what I had triggered off through my remark, even if it was well-meant. I had to be careful about this child. And, I wasn’t.

The mother, when came on line, narrated to me as to what a hell her young son had created at home… till she dialed my number and asked him to vent out. “Nothing else works with my son, sir,” she cried on the phone, “I beg of you, I have faith in you… change him with your love, affection and acceptance.”

I turned speechless, for a moment. 

“Ma’am, don’t worry,” I assured her, 

“I will handle him in my own way…

 I will speak to him.”

I called the young man on his cell… I could sense the resistance, still. But, I changed the track full 360 degrees… “I am sorry beta, for hurting you… It must have been very painful for you, I can understand, now,” I empathized, “Just one request beta: be nice to mom… she is stressed out… Just give her some peace… We will talk for long tomorrow and I will see that nobody messes with you again, okay?”

“Thank you, sir,” the young man was relieved.

Today, at six in the morning, the first thing I did was: I sent a lovely message to my student reassuring my love and care. “Thank you so much sir, I will be there at 8,” he got back within seconds.

He did.

When he was there, this morning, I spoke in front of all of them that we had hurt him yesterday… I told them, that,  as a teacher, I was responsible to all of them, including him. That, we all had to be extra-careful about each other’s feelings. Whoever were present there, took no time to apologize. And, I was the first one to do that…

The young man went home, very, very happy… and, liberated…

And, I really felt, for a change, that I was a ‘Spiderman’!

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pics.: Nilesh