WHILE EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT YOU

 



“Let’s build bridges, not walls.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

 

I came across this interesting dialogue while looking for appropriate quotes relating to self-care and assertiveness:

“Not everything is about you,” Clary said furiously.

“Possibly,"  Jace said, "but, you have to admit, that majority of things are.”

(Cassandra Clare, City of Glass)

 

When we criticize others, are we aware, if we are criticizing the ‘person’ or his/her ‘actions’?

I think, many times, we aren’t.

Similarly, when someone criticizes us, are we aware, if it is our actions or we, as persons, that are being criticized?

Again, I think, many times, we aren’t.

It’s easy for us to say, “Hey, it’s not about you.” But, ‘something’, always, is… Isn’t it?

That’s what drew my attention to in the dialogue shared above. While Clary, furiously, declares, “Not ‘everything’ is about you,” Jace reminds, ‘Something’ is… In fact, "‘majority of things’ are"!

To me, the take away from this dialogue is this. If I am criticized for the  shoddy work stemming from my bad attitude, it’s important on my part to accept it and do amends. It calls for my humility. Only when I have a healthy self-esteem, I am able to do it. Else, I will sulk, defend and react, always.





From the other end of the spectrum, the same thing can happen. To criticize someone constructively, too, calls for my healthy self-esteem. It comes from love and care for the person I criticize. So, I separate the person from his actions. But, when the actions come from bad attitude of that person, it is important to communicate it to the other person – as gently and as firmly as possible. If the other person has a healthy self-esteem – if he is eager to learn and amend – he will know how much of the criticism is about his actions and how much is about his attitude.

Let me conclude it: Unless one ‘owns up’ – whether it is from this side or the other side - criticism will, always, be criticized as ‘negative’ or ‘destructive’…



Therefore, ‘something’ – if not ‘everything’ or even ‘majority of things’ – is, always, about ‘me’, about ‘you’…

Yes, it’s about our ‘attitude’!

 

GERALD D’CUNHA


Pic’s: pixabay


Video: Penny Chiam


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MUTHU KODI KAWARI HADA

Image
Pic.; Ashwin Mohta M y Hindi was always bad. It still is. One reason for this was, that they introduced Hindi for us only in 6 th standard. Or, was it in 8 th ? I don’t remember… I only remember struggling to write and read… leave alone speak! But, I loved Hindi movies, and, strangely, I could understand the dialogues and the lyrics of the songs… I used to sing those songs (of course when no one was around me!) as if I was the lyricist… One of the songs was a very funny one. ‘Muthu Kodi Kawari Hada’. It was from Mehmood’s super-hit comedy – ‘Do Phool’. I was a 15-year-old high-school boy when I had heard that song (not watched the movie). I could grasp the meaning of two words – ‘Muthu Kodi’… which meant ‘Give kiss’… But, what ‘Kawari Hada’ meant, I have no clue till date! It was just like ‘Why this kolaveri di’... Yes, why ask? Simply enjoy the beats… And, the beats are great… The rest... Who cares? Really! So, whatever bit of Hi...
Read more

SELLING MIRRORS IN THE CITY OF THE BLIND

Image
“I laugh when I hear that the fish in the water is thirsty. I laugh when I hear that people go on pilgrimage to find God.” - Kabir T here is a universal human weakness – and it dates back to the days of fallen civilizations – and it is: to place people on pedestal and trying to be smothered by them, feel loved and protected in their company… worship them as mentors, heroes,  gurus, Mahagurus and Satgurus… Make these mortals larger-than-life cut-outs, worship them as flawless, pure and give one’s all… And, then, ‘take’ everything from them blindly as divine… Give everything to them blindly… Eventually, what happens is:  one more dangerous bondage… What was supposed to free you now becomes a new prison… It’s sad to see this happen! T his room, where I am writing this Post, has no image of any deity. I have no image of any Guru or Master around me… My question is: “Am I not able to feel close to Almighty God?  How ...
Read more

"HAPPILY EVER AFTER IS NOT A FAIRY-TALE... IT IS A CHOICE"

Image
“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone… It has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.” – Ursula K. Le Guin,  The Lathe of Heaven T welve years ago, when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got married, the world began to hail the couple as ‘Brangelina’. It became a fashion for couples around us to call themselves so… Norbert and Teresa renamed them as ‘Noresa’…  Amol and Vishaka baptized their relationship as ‘Amoshka’… and, Salman and Nargis became ‘Salgis’! I and my wife, too, got tempted to re-christian our matrimonial relationship as ‘Germa’... That is, Gerald and Anima, to be precise! B efore I proceed any further, let me make it very clear, here… that, I have no business to judge on the break-up of Brad Pitt and Angelina’ Jolie’s marriage. I have no inclination to go into why, how, what when etc behind it… The couple ‘chose’ to split. And, it’s their choice… Only they know how good or bad… how joyful or pain...
Read more
THE WILD, WAYSIDE FLOWERS
There is, always, something extra-ordinary in the wild, wayside flowers...