Gerald D'Cunha

T he old advice goes: “When you are angry, count ten…. When you are very angry, count hundred. Obviously, that little space of time – perhaps a few seconds – can make all the difference between war and peace. Just hold back… Just hang on… Just take a long, deep breath before you say or do or react in the fit of your anger. I speak from my own experience… I am a human, a mortal… I err, I lose my temper quite often… and, whenever I have reacted in anger, it has neither helped me nor the cause for which I had exploded. It has only complicated things for me… no matter how much ever I have tried to justify my action… The reality is: giving in to anger and doing things impulsively is lack of self-control, lack of maturity. Period. On a scale of ten, I may score six or seven as far as this test goes. Not bad, I suppose… I console myself. The same old advice goes to all of us who complain about things which are ‘wrong’ in our lives. “When you have a complaint, count ten…...

I s cribbing in our DNA? Though we cannot generalize it, most of us crib and complain about some things, sometimes… if not about all things, all the times. So, it is very much there in our DNA! I do complain about some things, sometimes… Yes, I do crib about them. But, mercifully, I am not a ‘chronic’ or a ‘habitual’ cribber. If you sweetly explain to me – rather gently massage my ego a little – that is enough to pacify me. I will immediately stop complaining and cribbing! This post is about those who are hardcore cribbers… the chronic ones… who try to find fault in everything, everywhere and everyday… who have made cribbing their business, even their livelihood.  How to deal with such a cribber? “Make him the Mess Secretary?” A retired gentleman told us, last night. Obviously, we were discussing about some chronic cribbers around us. The gentleman took us back to our school and college days. He narrated, “There was this warden in our college hostel who k...

Pic.: Amit Ganguly E ssentially, we have two kinds of people around us: Those who curse the darkness and those who light a small candle. Unfortunately, the ones who curse the darkness – the habitual cribbers – outnumber those who quietly light candles – the doers. “We should do this and we should do that… That is not right, this is wrong… and, this should not be that way and that should not be this way...” They know why the country is in doldrums… they have great suggestions… even instant solutions. But, then, ask them to get up and do something, they will take the backdoor! Finally, this world has survived - in whatever manner it has - only because of that minority – the quiet doers… Those who quietly light the candle and do away a little of darkness in this society… “If you are not the part of the solution, you are the part of the problem.” I firmly believe in this old saying. I consider, the cribbers and fault-finders ‘are’ the part of the problem, a...

A   friend of mine has a favorite line, and he recites it in his chaste Marathi. I wish, I could reproduce it here with the same effect. Nevertheless, what he wants to convey through it is: ”Everyone wants Shivaji to be born… but, in someone-else’s home!” M ost of us are cribbers of the first order. We complain about everything and everyone, and we do it everywhere and everytime… Why something or someone is wrong, we are first to point out. Why can’t it be done this way or that way… Why can’t he do it this or do that… Yes, cribbing and complaining comes to us, so effortlessly! My friend puts these guys – the habitual cribbers – to a simple test… He asks them to come forward… take up the responsibility to lead and manage. If they are genuinely interested in the progress of the place – organization or community – if they are sincere, if their intentions are good, then, they will surely take it up. If not, they will give a hundred reasons why they ca...

I was, once again, very angry and intense, in the class, this morning. This batch was supposed to be a ‘special batch’… because, the parents of these young kids, and the kids themselves, wanted just a handful of students in the batch and didn’t mind paying for it more than three times the fees of the regular batch! Obviously, these students come from well-off families, study in top colleges in Mumbai… And, yet… Yes, and, yet, I was very angry with them… almost mad! Two months now since the classes have started. Many of them don’t touch the books at home… The homework, which would take them not more than half-an-hour to complete, is not done, and, repeatedly so… And, my options? Scream at them… Punish them… Send them back home… Call their parents… Throw them out of the class… Or, be gentle and firm with them… Help them realize their mistakes… Use loads of patience, keep faith in them… be hopeful and motivate them to come on line… ...

A lady had this crazy habit. Every day morning, as soon as she was up from the bed, the first thing she did was to point at her neighbors’ windows to her husband and yell, “Darling, darling, look at their window-glasses; so dirty they are… I don’t know when the lady of the house cleaned them up last.” Yes, this used to be our lady’s ritual, every morning… Her husband, obviously, was fed up with his wife’s obsession with their neighbor’s windows. He had tried to dissuade from doing it, but in vain…And, so, the darling- darling ritual would continue for a long, long time. Then, one fine morning, our lady excitedly was screaming at the top of her voice, again, “Darling, daring,” she pointed to the same windows, “look, at last, they found time to do the clean-up… Can you see the difference, Honey?” And, the Honey smilingly let his sweetheart know this, “Yes, my love, I can see the difference, “but, you know what, this morning, I rose a lot earlier a...

There are two kinds of people in this world: the cribbers and the doers. Those who habitually complain about what is wrong with everything around… and, those who come forward and do something to solve the problem. Yes, those who curse the darkness - the reactive people; and those who light a candle do dispel the darkness - the proactive ones. All around us, we find these two kind… They have been there since the time of Kane and Abel. Last morning, a member of my housing Society showed me a ‘mess’ created outside by some other members and started cribbing. What mess? These members love crows and pigeons…. so much, that they throw from their windows all sorts of food items, particularly the leftover chapattis, so that the hungry crows can be fed. A good value. They also argue, that the food should not be wasted. Another good value. But, then, they are blind to other values… that they make mess outside and cause inconvenience to other members. These mem...