Gerald D'Cunha

  “People inspire you, or they drain you. Pick them wisely.” Hans F. Hasen   I have, regularly, used the phrases - ‘toxic people’ or ‘a toxic person’. But, I have not so regularly paused to seriously ask - ‘Who are these?” Yes, who are toxic people? Who is a toxic person? And, just as I find someone toxic, do some find me toxic, too? Thus, labelling someone as ‘toxic’ may portray me as judgmental... You see, people behave differently to different people. I try to surround myself with those who lift up my positive spirit, and avoid surrounding myself with those who make me feel low, depressed and drained. We can easily come to know who inspire us, make us feel good about ourselves. Likewise, we can, also, easily come to know who drain us, make us feel low. Therefore, to me, whoever lifts my spirit up and makes me feel good about myself is a positive soul, and whoever dampens my spirit, makes me feel bad about myself, is a negative soul... and, when someone re...

  “The same wind that blows down your house shakes berries from the bushes.” Marci Ridlon   “B e watchful about the effect of people and the information on your mind,” I heard this speaker telling his audience, “Some people you interact with and some information you consume can drain your energy and pull you down in life.” There are people who drain our energy, and they do pull us down. And, these people need not necessarily be ‘outsiders’; often, they are ‘insiders’ – what we call the ‘significant people’ in our lives.   Thus, cutting off these people from our lives can be a difficult task. Yet, we need to find out ways to work around them, so that their negativity doesn’t leave us drained and drag us down in life. Easier said than done… I know. But, experience does teach us, that, in Life, some ‘crap’, we can cut; some, we can only shield ourselves from… Let the crap be! When it comes to information, it’s relatively easier to cut the crap. After all, w...

  “All bad behaviour is really a request for love, attention or validation.” Kimberly Giles   W hat is 'Be real', really means? To me, it means 'Be human'. Which means, enough of playing ‘God’… This place called ‘Earth’ is a real world, and not a ‘Paradise’. People are ‘real’ here and not angels. So, ‘Be real’ means, be able to deal with people around you realistically. This shows the way I deal with two kinds of people around me… The first kind includes those who are empathetic, and who listen to me without judging… advise me with a genuine concern and not with a sense of manipulation. They make me open up, express my fears, anxieties, sorrows as well as joys freely; and, in the process, they help me feel good about myself. Yes, this validation is very crucial for me to feel ‘real’ – a human. Unless I am able to do it with genuine people around me, I will suffer inside… feel deprived of love, care and concern. So, this is ‘good validation’. On the oth...

“ My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh. But my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain.” -        Charlie Chaplin D uring the campaign for Presidential elections in America in 2016 (Donald Trump Vs Hillary Clinton), Michelle Obama’s one statement had inspired me the most. She said: “When they go low, we go high.” Now, reflect on this statement… How profound it is! I had nothing to do with Trump or Hillary, nothing about who wins or who loses there… Still, when Michelle said that, I felt she was talking about a universal truth – an everyday truth – of Life… I come across this challenge every day… There are those bullies around me, who are chronically insecure and operate from fear, hatred and complete lack of trust. They can stoop to any low level to defame you and destroy you… And, often, they seem to succeed in what they do… And, this is where the true test of my charact...

S elf-care is the foundation for building a healthy self-esteem. It’s, also, the foundation upon which our happiness in life stands. During a Workshop, last evening, someone asked me, “How can we be self-confident?” Knowing well, that I could not give an answer in one sentence, I said, “To me, it starts from self-care.” How can we ever serve ourselves if we do not care for our own selves? When we care for ourselves, we learn how to nurture our hearts… And, we, also, learn, that showing self-care is not being selfish! One of the most important ways of showing self-care is by freeing ourselves from the influence of toxic people and habits. When relationships with people turn toxic, we come to know inside our hearts. The constant conflicts, which arise out of trust-deficit, insecurity and self-centeredness drain us of our energy. These people – the energy-drainers – constantly dominate our consciousness, making us feel angry, anxious and diffident. Whe...