Gerald D'Cunha

  “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree, but hold hands.” Alexandra Penney   M y Mom passed away, on this day, a year ago. Today, as I write this Post, her memorial mass must’ve just concluded at the local church in our hometown, Mangalore. My wife and I had booked the air tickets some three months ago and we were keen to attend this first memorial mass. But, due to my wife’s health condition, we had to drop our plans ... Mom – we called her ‘Mai’ – lived nearly for ninety years. Except for the last two years, she led a simple yet productive life. She had five sons to raise... I was her second son. Our Dad (we called him ‘baab’ ) died of a sudden heart attack on 2 nd January, 1983. He was 57 and Mom was 48. What I cannot erase from my mind is how fondly our Mom would remind us, her five sons, on Dad’s every death anniversary... “It’s ten years today, since Dad passed away”... “Today, it’s twenty years” “Today, it’s thirty years”... She did that till ...

  “You may give them your love, but not your thoughts; for, they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies, but not their souls; for, their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.” Kahlil Gibran in ‘The Prophet’   I t’s sacrilegious to compare our lives with our children’s lives. The two stories are as different as fact and fiction. If that is not convincing, they are as different as a day and a night. Recently, I had attended the wedding celebrations of my nephew, Kenneth. It’s a grand celebration… very cheesy, classy, and the one which would be talked about… As I was witnessing this dreamlike celebration, my mind travelled back in time... S ome thirty-two years ago, Kenneth’s dad (My late brother, Harry) tied knot to Dora, alongside me tying knot to Anima. It’s a joint wedding-celebration. Kenneth and Sharyl had hired a white Mercedes; we – Harry and Dora, me and Anima – had hired white Ambassadors…...

    “I love, that this morning’s sunrise does not define itself by last night’s sunset.” Steve Maraboli A week ago, a friend of mine shared some lovely pictures of his nephew’s wedding. It was a private ceremony held at the beautiful lawns of his sister Irene’s home in New Zealand. The boy, Vivan, was dating his sweetheart (a Kiwi) for several years. Finally, now, the two families had brought it to, what seemed like, the logical conclusion - a marriage. I messaged Irene: “Hello Irene, just saw some amazing pictures of Vivan’s wedding. So happy for the young couple, you parents and the entire family. Please convey our love, wishes and blessings to the newly-wedded . You all look so nice and happy!” Came the instant reply from Irene: “Thank you Gerry. All went well. I’m so glad it’s all over. Big relief!” My response was this: “HaHa! Madam, for mothers, it’s never going to be over. Dashing   Nivan (the second son) is all set for his turn. So, be ready.” ...

  Is it ‘Aaj baap buddha ho gaya, or, is it ‘Aaj beta bada ho gaya’?   I keep saying, that, to me, the need to write something every day is like the need to breathe every moment! So, whenever some of my friends do not see my Blogs, for a week or so, they get worried: “Is everything alright?” they check. I had posted my last Blog on 5 th August… Today is 15 th . Was everything alright at my end? How could I survive without writing – without breathing? Our only son, Kenrick, got engaged to his long-time love Nishta (we call her fondly, Nina) on 12 th of August. There was a small engagement ceremony with a few family members and friends. These are still Covid times… Hence, it had to be short and simple… Very intimate. During the days of preparation for this special day, one night, I got up and penned something very intimate and profound for the young couple… I poured my heart and within half a night, I came out with a small book…   I named it - ‘August Rings’! ...

                                                     “Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin Dance me through the panic ‘til I’m gathered safely in” (From the song ‘Dance Me to the End of Love’ by Leonard Cohen)    T wo days ago, I saw some beautiful pictures shared by a friend of mine on FB. She was sharing with us the joyful moment of her son’s wedding. Like everyone else did, I, too, sent my greetings: “Congratulations! May the young couple grow closer and closer in love and stay blessed in married life.” On the same day, it was time to wish a very dear overseas-couple in our family. It was their 21 st wedding anniversary. I sent this song: “Many, many more years of ‘ Aur Ahista’ to both of you,” I wrote. What did I mean by ‘Many more years of ‘Aur Ahista’ ? O ne of the most painful things in a married life is to...

  “Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.” Mark Twain   T HE DAWN CLUB used to conduct a very popular Workshop regularly. It was titled – “Is it Love or Is it Obsession?’ Basically, it was intended to help youngsters recognize the traces of heathy and unhealthy relationships. We held this Workshop for several years. During the break-time, in one of these Workshops, I was introducing a   middle-aged gentleman to a young man. “Are you married?” asked the middle-aged gentleman, quite seriously. “No, Sir, I am happy,” replied the young man, light-heartedly. All of us started laughing. What we had intended to convey through a 3-hour-long intense Workshop on intimate relationship, was conveyed in a flash, by this happy-go-lucky young man… The take away was simple: ‘If you are not happy on this side of the fence, you can’t be happy on the other side, too!’ Or, was it this: ‘I am already happy. So, why to lose it?’ I remember another incident. I ha...

  “In the end, we discover that to love and let go can be the same thing.” Jack Cornfield   B ill Gates and Melinda Gates have been my favourite people. I am sure, most of you will say the same thing. So, when I heard the news about their divorce, I felt really sad. This was their joint statement making their painful announcement:   “After a great deal of thought and a lot of work on our relationship, we have made the decision to end our marriage. Over the last 27 years of our marriage, we have raised three incredible children, and built a foundation that works all over the world to enable all people to lead a healthy, productive life. We continue to share a belief in that mission and will continue to work together at the foundation, but we no longer believe that we can grow together as a couple in this next phase of our lives.   We ask for space and privacy for our family as we begin to navigate this new life.” Melinda Gates and Bill Gates   ...