Gerald D'Cunha

  “Social media has become a self-esteem management tool  and everyone is building their brand. But, it’s not authentic; it’s hollow.” Emily Leary, blogger and Social Media consultant   I came across the above quote from Emily, a blogger like me (Correction: I am a blogger like her!)… but, unlike her, I am not a Social Media consultant… But, yes, what madam Emily says is one-hundred percent true… My relentless blogging finds its roots in my deep desire to manage my own self-esteem. I feel very, very good when I express in my daily blogs. But, does it end there? Mostly, it doesn’t. Invariably, the desire to promote myself – as a brand – takes over. No matter how much I deny it in public, there is this desire, this desperation to spread my wings, my reach – go viral, become a sensation… Yes, what counts, after some time - on being visible as a social media content creator - are pure numbers… subscribers, viewership, likes, comments, shares etc. But, that’s no...

  “The successful among us delay gratification. The successful among us bargain with the future.” Jordan B. Peterson (12 Rules for Life – an Antidote to Chaos)   L ately, my wife and I have begun to have early dinner… mostly around 6 or 6.30 in the evening. Then, take a light breakfast around 9 or 10 in the morning. This  gives us a window or 13 – 16 hours. We have become used to it, now… Earlier, when the dinner used to be at 10 or 11 and retiring time used to be immediately after that, seeing my Jain friends completing their last meal before the sunset and taking their breakfast after the sunset – and the hospitals serving dinner to patients around 7 p. m. … yes, seeing all this, I used to wonder, “How can they follow such an eating habit… Dinner at 6 or 7…?” Even, for a blood test, when we were asked to keep a 12-hour fast, it felt like a mission impossible! Well, with age and sickness comes wisdom, too! My wife and I woke up to this ancient discipline of eating with a...

Pic.: Alex D. “What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens.” - Ellen Glasgow T he other person is ‘different’ from how I am… because, he has gone through life-experiences totally different from mine. So, his behavior stems from his beliefs which have been formed through his unique life-experiences…  And, my behavior stems from the beliefs which have been formed through my own life-experiences. Yesterday,  almost the entire day, I was emotion-driven… anxious, worried, scared and gloomy. Today, I find myself predominantly reason-driven… There is a lot of cheer in me, a lot of peppy and jovial attitude… Yesterday, nasty comments provoked me… Today, like a great batsman, I maneuvered the nasty deliveries quite brilliantly… And, yes, by the end of the day, yesterday, I found myself drained and lifeless. Today, I am looking forward for the night… I am feeling good about myself. In control. Confiden...

Pic.: Avinash Mantri Y ears ago, when I had decided to do something about my poor English, one of the things I did – and found very effective – was telling a nice story in two tenses… the Present and the Past. Over the years, I have helped hundreds of people, who were earnest about improving their English, with the same method… Yes, write a nice story down in both the tenses… and, then, tell it to someone… Not to let the poison of a vindictive person’s words affect you, calls for true inner strength… a spiritual strength… What we call a high self-esteem is a reflection of this strength… I love this Buddha story… THE POISON OF YOUR ABUSE BELONGS TO YOU PAST: O ne   day, in the midst of Gautama Buddha’s teaching, an angry bystander started abusing Gautama. It was too ugly, too offending… and too provocative. However, the Buddha remained unaffected. He heard him out patiently till the angry man vented out all his venom. After that, t...

Pic.: Anima D'Cunha GIVEN THE SPIRITUAL UPBRINGING, I HAVE STRONG FAITH IN POWERS THAT GUIDE US AND GUARD US - Jayapraksh Rajangam (Chartered Accountant/Consultant/Speaker) C onfidence is a chosen state of mind. Hence, it is an attribute which needs to be cultivated. For confidence to build, it requires continuous and conscious efforts. When Gerry approached me and asked me to share my thoughts on the topic - “What makes me confident”, it set off a process of introspection. “Am I confident?” There are so many doubts, apprehensions and inhibitions which cloud my mind about every aspect of life. In this background, I am still perceived as ‘confident’ by Gerry.  Introspection over couple of days led me to the realization that the confidence I exude is attributable to the fact that I am ‘FIT’ - Faith, Intent and Trust. Couple of lines will elaborate the ‘FIT’ principle. Given the spiritual upbringing, I have strong faith in p...

Pic.: Amrita Jeurkar W hen I see myself reacting, I feel very disturbed…  No matter how much I try justifying from outside, I know how it feels from inside! Reacting comes from my loss of self-control. Which means, someone else is controlling me… my actions, my words, my behavior. And, to see someone else manipulating me, like a toy, is not a pleasant experience to live by… Slowing down helps… Consciously slowing down. When I consciously stand aside and allow another person’s comments to ‘be’… Just allow them to ‘be’… without attaching any meaning to them, without interpreting them, magnifying them… read through them… making a dramatic story out of what is being said… Yes, by not allowing someone’s words assume that epic proportion… by keeping my two feet firmly planted on the ground and my head firmly planted on my shoulders… a lot can be achieved in terms of my mental hygiene… Other people make their own choices. No matter how desperately I try to c...

Pic.: Usha Prasad N ot a single moment passes by without an urge in me to react: say something strongly to someone… That someone can be my own spouse, son, student, relative, friend, an associate, a neighbor, or, even, a stranger… There is this urge in me to say something strongly… An urge is a craving of my mind… a compulsion… an addiction… an instinctive habit… It is my weakness. Whenever I consciously abstain from saying what I want to say mechanically, instinctively… yes, whenever I use my discretion, better judgment, I can sense the feeling of self-confidence in my heart… I feel the power and strength… I feel I am in charge…  Yes, if just holding back a few strong comments, here and there, can give me that sense of well-being…  Then, imagine, if I can keep abstaining from reacting more and more and more! Like everyone else, I, too, know that all my thoughts and feelings need not be – and should not be – expressed. Similarly, all ...

Pic.: Pradeep Nanda Y es, others’ words – no matter how bad, harsh, hurting or offending we keep claiming them to be – have no power to affect us unless we give meaning to those words… Only when we interpret what others say to us… by giving a meaning, making a story around them… yes, it is only then, that the words get their power to affect us… They hurt us… They offend us… They frighten us… They make us angry or offensive… They make us sulk or depressed… But, not until we give life to them! This is one of the very, very valuable lessons we all need to learn in order to keep our mental sanity… I have a long way to go as far as this lesson is concerned… But, I am aware of its value, its need… and, I am very, very earnest to learn it… Just this morning, something said by someone to me sent me out of balance… I believed, that those words were unreasonable, wrong, and carried bad intention to provoke me, belittle me and even frighten m...

Pic.: Anand Ashokan I met a young-man, this morning. His 2-year-old was sweetly dressed-up for his playschool, with a cute piggy-back. The young-man worked for a private bank while his wife worked for an ad agency. The little-one went to a well-known nursery, which charged an annual fee between one lakh and two lakh! “This one is our first child; he has to study till he turns twenty or twenty-two,” the young-man said to me, “Just imagine the kind of money we will have to spend on his education!” Yes, it was on one child, he was talking about! He wasn’t talking about the clothes, the toys, gadgets, cars, house, fun and entertainment, holidays, functions and celebrations, health care and hospitalization, care of the parents, weddings of sisters, education of siblings and so on.... “How will we be able to cope with this insane cost of living?” the young-man wondered. Yes, how could he... How could we? N o matter how much we all earn, unless we kno...