WHEN MY HEART SAYS MY MIND IS WEAK...

I was talking to a new member in our Tai Chi class, yesterday. It was an interesting discussion; rather… it left me smiling.

During the course of our discussion, our new member said,  “My job situation is like a pressure cooker, full of tension. I went out for a couple of days and  to ‘throw out’ all my tension.”

“Did you succeed?” our Tai Chi sir asked.

“Totally,” the new member said with loads of exuberance, “I am totally free, now!”

I should have shut up my mouth. But, by now, I had already said this: “Sir, in my case, what I have found is, that, wherever I go, I carry my mind, too… I carry my all my tensions and anxieties, too. I have found it difficult to drop them fully and come back.”

“That’s the mistake you are making,” the gentleman said, “You should throw out all your tensions.”

“But, sir, how?” I asked sincerely, “You know how the mind is.”

“I want you to do only one thing: Watch the video of Sandeep Maheshwari,” the gentleman advised me, “It will transform your life, totally.”

“I have watched his videos, sir,” I confessed, “But, my mind is still anxious and edgy.” Then, I told him this, “Sir I do the same things what Sandeep Maheshwari does… Perhaps I don’t do them in large stadiums… I do it in my class rooms or some small halls. I write everyday on the same subject… and, I bring out books.”

“What do you write on?” the gentleman asked me.

“I write about my daily confusion… my fears and anxieties, my anger and jealousy… my joys, hopes and jubilations… and when I write them down, I feel a lot better, centered… healed and empowered. But, I see the truth, that I am not free from fear, anger, jealousy and every other emotions… They all return… Sometimes, I feel subdued by them, and sometimes they seem subdued by me… But, in the end, I have learnt to accommodate all my emotions, all my feelings and without feeling bitter, victimized and hopeless… And, you know what: everyone around me says, my writings help them deal with their own fears, anger and jealousy etc.!”

I asked Rakesh sir to gift the gentleman a copy of the book - ‘Flowing With The Wheel’, which my sir did. The gentleman had brought a friend along. He seemed to grasp the essence of what I was telling. “Can you write about your fears, anger, hatred and jealousy as sir does?” he asked the gentleman. “So, what I understand is that, talking about our weak mind makes us stronger and not weaker.”

Well, I smiled and got on with our Tai Chi session…

But, the more I think about it, the more convinced I get: “Our hearts need true courage to open up… be vulnerable. To hate someone, to be vindictive, we do not need any vulnerability… It is only to love someone or to feel someone’s love… It is only when we help someone or seek someone’s help, that we need to open up our hearts, be vulnerable… And, it is only in such vulnerability, that we grow, become stronger, wiser and richer. Even, nobler…

I do not have to stand in a stadium and say this, you see.

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.: Alex D.