SELF-CARE IS NEVER SELFISH
Pic.: Mini Milind
“Self-care is never selfish, but it
may feel that way when you live a frenzied life.”
Saying
‘No’ is difficult, very uncomfortable. At least, it is so to me.
People come to
me with requests and it calls for my saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’. The moment I say ‘yes’,
I know I should be ready to give my time, energy or money. Experience has
taught me how, by saying ‘yes’ when I wanted to say ‘no’, I had invited stress
for myself… making me eventually resist or feel even angry. All the workshops
we had conducted over the years – on ‘Self-esteem’ and on ‘Assertiveness’ –
yes, all these workshops have taught me one thing: We cannot say ‘yes’ to
everyone, and for everything. That, saying ‘no’ in the right manner with the
right intent is the greatest service we can do to our own well-being, and, thereby,
to that of others’ as well.
But, then, it
is not as easy as it seems. One of my students, who was doing a voluntary service
to a N.G.O, had approached me two years ago for a donation. I did not know he
was expecting me to contribute every year. So, in the second year, when the
N.G.O called me, I obliged. But, yesterday, when they called for this year, I
was not in a position to say ‘yes’ for various reasons. I wanted to say ‘No’… ‘I
won’t be able to help this year’… and, I did say that. But, what is interesting
– and very educating – is the way I brought myself to do that, without sounding
blunt, indifferent, insensitive and insincere. I wanted to be very sincere to
the person on the other end… and I did not want to discourage him and his organization
from doing the good work. Surprisingly, after conveying my sincere positing,
the person on the other end appreciated my sincerity… I felt good about myself.
I m sure, the person on the other end, too, must have.
We cannot
solve all the problems in this world… We all can do only so much. When we can,
we all should help. But, when we cannot – for whatever reasons – we should be
able to communicate it sincerely and gracefully.
Self-care and
being selfish are not same things.
GERALD D’CUNHA
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