Gerald D'Cunha

      I am reposting this ‘ten-year old’ Blog with fond memories of an amazing woman... our old neighbour, Mrs. Rohini Bhadekar... And, I am doing it with a reason... “Crippled things are always more beautiful… It's the flaw that brings out beauty.”   Holly Black ,  Tithe: A Modern Faerie Tale   O ne of the biggest sources of stress for a householder woman is: Maid Management. Man, though takes this stress indirectly on his head, it is she who deals with this problem called – Maid Management – directly on a daily basis. My wife and I are not spared from this problem and its consequence: stress. They don’t stick… They make fuss… They are unreasonable in their demands… They don’t turn up on the day we need them the most… They speak rudely… They get influenced by other maids… Their work is shoddy… They are  ‘kaam-chors’ … They are not dependable and trustworthy… They should know who is their ‘Boss’… etc., etc… “Don’t look for perfection...

  “Polarization affects families and   groups of friends. It’s a paralyzing situation. A civil war of opinion.” Mick Jagger   T he Independence Day  – I am referring to any Country’s Independence Day – only marks the day that country got free from a foreign rule. In our case, it’s 15 th August, and we celebrated it two days ago. As an Indian, I know how hard it had been for generations before me to achieve that freedom. I, therefore, feel privileged, grateful and blessed to have been born in a ‘Free nation’. Well, that being said, I see around me, and see within me - and ask: “Have I become free from my prejudices?”… “Have I become free from the curse of polarization?” Did I say ‘Curse’? Yes, I did… The British have left us, the Mughals and every other ‘outside’ rulers have gone… But, to see ourselves freed from social, religious, political and cultural prejudices, we need a different kind of ‘freedom struggle’. Territorial freedom, therefore, has on...

  “Happiness, not in another place, but this place… not for another hour, but this hour.” Walt Whitman   A dear friend’s elderly father is presently in one of Mumbai’s reputed hospitals. My wife and I were quite concerned about the situation our friend had to go through. This friend of ours lived abroad and back home, here, the elderly father has been facing many health-related challenges. Our friend, who has been making frequent trips to India, is gracefully accepting her challenges. The family abroad and family here – she is torn between these two responsibilities of hers… Last noon, my wife and I had visited the hospital. Our friend, despite the two back-to-back surgeries performed on her 83-year-old father, seemed composed… “Anything we can do, please let’s know.” We say this to our near and dear ones in their testing times. But, how much can we really do to lighten their burdens? As I write this piece, my thoughts go to at least a dozen people who are close...

  “The conflict between the need to belong to a group and the need to be seen as unique and individual are the dominant struggle of adolescence.” Jeanne Eliam   W henever someone tells me, that the struggle and the challenges, which today’s adolescents have to face, are far graver than the ones faced by the earlier generations – yes, whenever someone tells me that, I reflect on my own adolescence and ask: Did I find my own struggles and challenges (of adolescence) less daunting than my son found his? The delicate, turbulent transition between puberty and adulthood is adolescence. Roughly, it’s the phase of a teenager’s life. Even though, for some, it may start early and last longer, no man or woman can escape this transition… I went though mine; my parents and forefathers went through theirs… and, our children and their children will have to go through theirs… Yes, some describe it as the ‘terrible time’… Lonely time… Confusing time… Time of ‘shutting the door’… ...

  “By chance we meet; by choice we become friends.” Millie   T his morning, I saw a message from Naresh, a dear friend of mine. “Sir, Prem is in town. He will be leaving tonight. So, if possible, try to meet him today.” It was sometime in 1985-86. I was teaching T.Y. B. Com students in small batches all over our suburb. Charan (a girl), who was a T.Y. student of one of my Anushakti Nagar baches, had told about me to Naresh and his friend Prem… So, one evening, I saw these two extremely handsome, young men waiting to meet me after Charan’s batch was over. They came about exceptionally gentle, respectful and, as I said, handsome. But, what has stayed with me is the first image: Naresh and Prem showed up in identical clothes – black trousers and white shirts… Impeccably dressed… Four decades later, these two friends have remained inseparable… the best friends. Of course, they live in two different parts of India… do different kinds of businesses… wear no more identical ...

    “Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God.”   Pierre Teilhard de Chardin   I remember my excitement as a kid… I loved making the Christmas crib… Back then, in our village home, there wasn’t any electricity, not to mention money… The crib, that kids like me set up, was in today’s lingo – purely organic… The hills raised out of mud fetched from nearby paddy fields, the stones from another hill – a real one – nearby, the grass from a neighbour's backyard… the   light for baby Jesus' manger   came from the desi jugad – a candle placed inside a coconut shell , or - if there were some coins to indulge in - a little bulb lit up through torch batteries and wires… Whatever that was, it was pure joy… As I grew into adulthood, I saw it dimming, slowly dying… But, the child in us seldom dies…Don’t you agree? As you become an adult, the excitement of setting up the Christmas crib gets replaced by several other simple things… Each one of us ha...

  “And when you kiss your little baby, you’ve kissed the face of God.” Mark Lowry A parna, who studied under me more than thirty years ago, is, now, a dear friend of mine. She is settled in Gurgaon. Blessed with a playful and funny bone, she kept updating us, on a regular basis, about each and every little thing – call it a micro milestone – as her only baby boy, Osher, kept growing… She called her cub – ‘Li’l Tiger’… and enthralled us with her entertaining posts on FB. For many years, it seemed as though the Li’l cub refused to grow. So, Aparna’s Jungle Book stories kept coming… I was very fond of them… Then, for some time, the stories disappeared on FB… I wondered whatever had happened to the Li’l Tiger? You see, the tiger cubs are incredibly cute and playful… How one wishes them to forever stay cubs! But, that remains only a wishful thought… The Tiger Cub does grow into a Shere Khan… Just as Aparna has grown into a tigress and her hubby has grown into a tiger… Jus...

  “Someone sitting in the shade today, because someone planted a tree long time ago.” Warren Buffet     W hat Warren Buffet said (through the above lines) about being prudent in life, by managing our money wisely and with a long-term vision, applies to everything else, too… especially, to raising our children. Every generation of parents has tried its best to offer something better to the next one. I have talked about it so many times… My great grandparents must’ve almost lived like tribals… But, they tried to give a better life to my grandparents… I had the opportunity to see how my grandparents lived… Yes, it’s not as good as my parents did… and, the life of we five brothers was much better compared to our parents’… and, we tried to give even a better one to our own children… Doubtlessly, the same will continue… Our children are geared up to offer a better life to their own. But, then, the question comes up: “What does a ‘better life’ mean?” Does it mean o...