Friday, October 30, 2009

ME AND MY TAIL

The area where I have to grow most, and fast, is: my emotional maturity.

I am extremely sensitive. I have a heart which is golden. Trusting others, helping them... going the extra mile, doing things without being told... yes, all these things come naturally to me. I can live with the bare minimum... starve, if required... walk for miles, if required... and, yet, when it comes to my emotions, I often feel the discomfort... whenever they take the better of me, whenever I express my sadness, pain, anguish, anger, my fears and even my ignorance. I express my emotions with the hope that the world is good, sensitive, and empathetic.

Maybe, I am right - or, down right stupid - in thinking that the world is good, sensitive and empathetic. I, often, suffer because the world doesn't respond to my emotions the way I believe the world to. Often there is only a cold indifference, and often there is that remorseless bluntness. I feel let down, betrayed... and angry.

Some years ago, in a workshop on 'Handling Our Emotions', the facilitator demonstrated at the outset itself: "This is the dog," he showed with his hands. "And this is his tail," he showed wagging with hand. "As long as the dog wags the tail," (He showed with his hands)he said, "everything is fine." Then, he continued,"But, the moment the tail begins to wag the dog," (He showed us how funny that would look... moving his whole body!)... "our trouble would begin."

My emotions are my tail. It will take some years - and a hundred workshops - to make my tail stop what it does: wagging me!

As of now, I am able to smile looking at the funny way my tail wags me, all around!

With love,

GERALD D'CUNHA

OUT FROM MY HIDING

I just thought, today, that I should come out of my hiding. Almost six months... and not a single piece I have posted!

Many ask me - 'Why? What happened?"

I just tell them - 'Nothing. I 'consciously' chose not to write for some time... and allow myself to go through some new experiences.

They say, "A writer has to write; a singer has to sing; and teacher has to teach... and so it goes." I ask myself this question: "Am I a writer?"

I feel extremely happy, in fact, blissful and fulfilled, whenever I settle down to write. So, from that yardstick, I must say, that I am a writer... Whether I chose to write or not to write... inside my being there is this deep longing to write, express. Days, weeks, months - and even years - may go by... the soul of a writer would never dry out.

I have so much to say, so much to share... it can only become profound, and vast.

So, may the writer write... may the soul sing... may the happiness spread.

I am out of my hiding. I am here to do what I love doing: 'Express'... and yes, in all its hues... yes, everyday.

Need I go to the mountaintop to trumpet this news?

The Sun always rises in silence... and that's why it is so glorious!


With love,

GERALD D'CUNHA