ME AND MY TAIL

The area where I have to grow most, and fast, is: my emotional maturity.

I am extremely sensitive. I have a heart which is golden. Trusting others, helping them... going the extra mile, doing things without being told... yes, all these things come naturally to me. I can live with the bare minimum... starve, if required... walk for miles, if required... and, yet, when it comes to my emotions, I often feel the discomfort... whenever they take the better of me, whenever I express my sadness, pain, anguish, anger, my fears and even my ignorance. I express my emotions with the hope that the world is good, sensitive, and empathetic.

Maybe, I am right - or, down right stupid - in thinking that the world is good, sensitive and empathetic. I, often, suffer because the world doesn't respond to my emotions the way I believe the world to. Often there is only a cold indifference, and often there is that remorseless bluntness. I feel let down, betrayed... and angry.

Some years ago, in a workshop on 'Handling Our Emotions', the facilitator demonstrated at the outset itself: "This is the dog," he showed with his hands. "And this is his tail," he showed wagging with hand. "As long as the dog wags the tail," (He showed with his hands)he said, "everything is fine." Then, he continued,"But, the moment the tail begins to wag the dog," (He showed us how funny that would look... moving his whole body!)... "our trouble would begin."

My emotions are my tail. It will take some years - and a hundred workshops - to make my tail stop what it does: wagging me!

As of now, I am able to smile looking at the funny way my tail wags me, all around!

With love,

GERALD D'CUNHA

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