CHECKING ON THE EMPTY NESTS

 



“To understand your parents' love,

you must raise children yourself.”

— Chinese Proverb

 

Some things we understand late in our lives; and, often, we may not understand them at all. One such thing is our sensitivity towards our parents…

Well, no matter how our parents raised us up, let us accept these bare facts: They were not trained in the art of raising children; they had watched their parents and, mostly, carried forward what they had watched; they –- whether we agree or not –- had done the best they could in their wisdom… and, this: even though we couldn’t choose our parents, we, by all means, could choose how to deal with our own parents as they aged, and how to deal with our own children as they grew…

Having said that, let me add this, too: how our young children deal with us, well, we have no choice on that…

Karma or dharma… well, I don’t know. Choices, yes, yes, yes… One, always, has.

On my way home, last evening, I met a parent. He wanted to feel light by talking to me about (in his own words -– ‘insensitive’ son).

“Sir, he is our only son. Despite my limited means, I sent him to the best school and college… He was adamant on pursuing CA… Enrolled his to an expensive coaching class for the foundation course… He has consistently been failing… Now, he is after me to enroll for CFA foundation course… I am ready to spend and support… But, I have lost confidence in my son’s abilities to purse it with focus and dedication… He simply wastes his time and when we try to remind him about that, he yells and blackmails… Don’t know what to do.”

I knew, the parent did not expect a solution from me… He wanted to feel a little lighter. “If I encourage him to see people like you to seek advice, he bluntly refuses,” he said.

And, I knew that… This parent was not alone. I made him feel a lot lighter, and moved towards my home…

Night,  at 9.15, I was to call my college mate and a dear friend, Paul (70). He and his wife, Irene, live in Shimoga (Karnataka)… They are, like so many other ageing parents, are the empty-nesters… Both, their son and daughter are married and live abroad with their own children… Though Paul is by best friend, he is not into reading; and, he has no idea what I write about in my blogs. But, Irene is very fond of my writings… Last night, she was going on and on with her praises… Till I diverted the topic…

“Do your children call you every day?” I asked (even though I knew, they did.)

“Yes, both of them… Sometimes multiple times in a day… Sometimes, we call them. But, we never miss,” both said in a chorus.

I remembered Paul’s days when he and I were doing our B.Com. For studies, he had come to live in his maternal grandma’s house in Mangalore (from Shimoga)… There were no telephones at their place –- either in Shimoga or in Mangalore. (No electricity or toilets, either). But, I had seen young Paul writing letters to his mother regularly…

Did Elvis, his married son, who presently lives in Doha (Qatar), was told by his father about the letter-writing to parents who lived far away?




(The Nest Paul & Irene built with love in Shimoga)


I don’t know if Elvis was told about it. But, this much I know… Today, he turns 39… Happy birthday Champ… Keep checking on the empty nests, back home…

 





GERALD D’CUNHA

 

Pic'S.: 1.Pixabay/Stefan Wiegand 2. Goveas Family

Video: FortuneFoods

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