Gerald D'Cunha

Pic.: Chetna Shetty I f, for me, winning an argument is more important than winning a person, then, it shall be so for me, always... I will argue with the person, tooth and nail... I will argue angrily, as though my very survival depends on winning the argument... proving myself right. And, when it is all over – yes, when I have won the argument and vanquished my opponent - I will, invariably, find myself isolated and unloved... sad and, even, angrier... Yes, often, angry at my own self! The funniest part of this is: most of us argue with our own near-and-dear-ones – screaming and shouting in anger – as though they are our worst enemies! O nce, on seeing the members of a certain family yelling at each other in anger, a wise teacher asked his students, “Tell me, why do people shout at each other when they are angry?” “Because, they are provoked,” replied one student... “Because, they lose their patience,” answered another... “But, why shout an...

In a cricket game, every bowler has only one objective: to get the batsman out as quickly as possible. Sending the batsman back on a duck, would be a mighty thrill! And, at the other end, the batsman, too, has only one objective: to stay there as long as possible. A century would be a dream! So, it takes a lot to outwit your opponent… You have to hold your nerves! Well, it is in a game, a sport… where the objective is to defeat your opponent so that you can win. You can not play the game from any other frame of mind… If you are a bowler, you need to possess in your heart that killer instinct to get your opponent out… and, if you are a batsman, you need to possess in you that never-say-die instinct to stay there long, frustrating your opponent. L et me apply this to another familiar game – ‘Mind Game’ - called ‘Argument’. Like the batsman and the bowler, it takes two to play this game! Who are these two? When you...

At the signal, the traffic-cop – they fondly call him in our bambaiyya colorful- bhasha – ‘Mama’ – blows the whistle. The young-man in the Maruti has jumped the signal. The car slows down and stops at quite a distance from the signal… Mama keeps running behind till he reaches the car. The ritual follows: “Give the license…” The receipt book from the pants-pocket and the pen from the shirt-pocket are out…  The young-man has still not come out of his car… He gently cajoles our mama … But, the mama is not pleased… Then, the young-man comes out… Takes our mama on the sides… The negotiations are on… It is clear, the young-man is not having his license, as well… Surely, he must have failed to wear his seat belt, too. Finally, the mandavli is done… You know, what I mean! The young-man is back on road, and off he zooms like a Ferrari… and, our mama is back to his business, at the signal! Meanwhile, the signal must have changed not less than fi...

When did you last hear the old saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt”? Well, I just used it in my reply to Yojana in her FB message box. When I was just a young-and-raw teacher and had joined a Junior college to teach, I was very self-conscious. No doubt, the young teachers get a massive fanfare… but, in my case, it would make me very scared. Oh that shyness cocoon! I haven’t still come out of it! You know, though we love the kick of limelight and adoration of our fans, at the end of the day, it is only the closeness with our own hearts… yes, that alone we all, seriously, take to bed!  I am very happy to have found, in my early days of teaching, such fabulous colleagues and students. The warmth, support and guidance which I received in those days – my struggling days – were very, very important… I still cherish those memories in my heart… I shall, always, look back on this, with a deep sense of gratitude.  Yojana was a twelfth-stand...

 “I am able to take care of myself.”    I think, this is the most empowering statement one can ever make in Life!  Others may love me, care for me, advise me, motivate me, guide me, finance me… yes, they may be my loved ones or my best well-wishers, but, they can not do any service to me – unless I am able to say from the bottom of my soul, “Hey, I am able to take care of myself.” But, am I able to take care of myself, really? I seriously think, I am! Not only that, I also seriously think, the other person – the one who I love, care… the one whose well-being I am concerned about…  yes, he too is able to take care of himself. In every relationship, I think, this innate belief and trust forms the bedrock. When it doesn’t, it leads to ‘clinging’, desperation, manipulation… If the other person – my friend, my business associate, my student, my teacher, my spouse or my child – wh...