Gerald D'Cunha

  “We act out of courage; we react out of fear.” Aegelis Sophizo   A n emotionally-charged mind doesn’t think rationally… Objective thinking – based on reason – is possible only when emotions are kept under check… Our reactive behaviour is a classic example. When we react from anger, hatred, envy, fear and insecurity, it’s not a rational behaviour… It stems out of our loss of self-control. The instinctive, caustic comments we make about others only leave us exposed… not others. Well, when you read what I have just said in the two paras above, it’s highly possible, that you may wonder, "What an enlightened soul this man is!” I wonder, too. But, thinking, why, despite knowing this truth, I have not been able to stop me from ‘reacting’ for every ‘silly’ situation, all my own life! Yes Sir, between our ‘knowing’ and ‘doing/practicing’, there is a ‘space’… Just as between the ‘stimulus’ and ‘action’ there is… Like many that read books or listen to people who impart ...

  “Do not get upset with people or situations. Both are powerless without your reaction.” Unknown source   J ust as how we have no control over how some life-situations unfold in our lives, we, also, have no control on how some people behave towards us. Often, we spend a lot of our time and energy fighting these people. What they think about us, say about us and do towards us – yes,   this thought keeps us constantly restless, draining our energy… keeping us anxious, sad, angry and depressed. So, just as we learn to deal with difficult life-situations in our lives, we, also, have to learn to deal with these difficult people in our lives. It is difficult, yes. But, it is possible. It is, also, imperative for our personal well-being. S ome days ago, seeing me getting worked up over a certain person’s prolonged vicious-behavious towards me, a well-wisher of mine said this: “Do not internalize that man’s behaviour towards you. Your non-reaction will frustrate him…...

  “Rational behaviour requires theory; reactive behaviour requires only reflex action.” W. Edwards Deming   N o matter how hard I try not to judge people – and their behaviour – the fact is: I do! Now, by ‘judging people’s behaviour’ – I do not mean any unusual behaviour. I try to read too much, often unnecessarily, into the usual – commonplace – behaviour of others, even. I think, it has a lot to do with my childhood insecurities. For, I see myself slipping into that victim mode easily… It’s only when I allow that moment to ‘be’… and see my own behaviour with a little more kindness - and neither with justification nor with condemnation – that, I am able to smile at the situation… “So, it’s not about other person’s behaviour,” I end up reminding myself, “It’s about my own: how I react to theirs!” As I said, I am talking about the simple, commonplace situations. Like these… I have known this young parent for many years. Once, I was his teacher. Now, his own son...

Pic.: Chetna Shetty S ince the time I woke up this morning, a thousand things were happening in my life, and they were happening in all directions. And, yes, I was finding myself reacting – irritated, angry, yelling and even depressed. It went on for quite some time, this morning… just like how Victor Hugo had described: “Reaction - a boat which is going against the current but which does not prevent the river from flowing on.” Yes, right in the midst of my reactions – my attempts to row my boat against this  flow of river called LIFE – yes, right in the midst of my frantic attempts, I realized that I was not in control… that, I was not responding to situations and challenges in my life… but, I was only reacting. That, I had lost hold on myself – I had lost the personal leadership. What a phrase – ‘Personal Leadership’! Being in charge of myself… Being in control of my affairs… Being able to respond effectively to my life-situations… Yes, the definition...