WHAT KIND OF ATTITUDE IS THIS?

 

“Rational behaviour requires theory;

reactive behaviour requires only reflex action.”

W. Edwards Deming

 

No matter how hard I try not to judge people – and their behaviour – the fact is: I do!

Now, by ‘judging people’s behaviour’ – I do not mean any unusual behaviour. I try to read too much, often unnecessarily, into the usual – commonplace – behaviour of others, even. I think, it has a lot to do with my childhood insecurities. For, I see myself slipping into that victim mode easily… It’s only when I allow that moment to ‘be’… and see my own behaviour with a little more kindness - and neither with justification nor with condemnation – that, I am able to smile at the situation…

“So, it’s not about other person’s behaviour,” I end up reminding myself, “It’s about my own: how I react to theirs!”

As I said, I am talking about the simple, commonplace situations. Like these…

I have known this young parent for many years. Once, I was his teacher. Now, his own son is pursuing first-year degree. This parent would text me, right since his son began his junior college, about the tuition for his son. My responses were very prompt. He would instantly read my responses; but, he wouldn’t even acknowledge, leave alone get back. If I called, he wouldn’t receive my calls… If I asked him call back, he wouldn’t. It would annoy me… “Why is he doing it?” “Doesn’t he have simple courtesy?” “He texts me as and when he likes, but leaves me in suspension” … Yes, thoughts like these have passed through my mind. At times, I have sworn to myself, “I will never respond to his texts any further.”

Just two days ago, I saw his text, once again… The same enquiry, the same question. It was around 10.30 in the night. “He doesn’t care to respond; so, why should I?”. For a while, I tried to ghost him – tried to put an end to any communication with this man. But, then, I ended up, once again, suggesting this parent – who was once my student – that we talk about it the next morning. “Please call me any time tomorrow morning,” I texted him. And, I did insist: “Please acknowledge this message of mine… I feel confused when you do not.”

The blue ticks indicated to me, that my message had reached the gentleman’s eyes… but, not his head or heart. The night passed… the next day too. The young parent left me in suspension, all over again. “What kind of attitude is this?” I tried to find a sympathizer in my level-headed wife, the next night.

“Don’t read too much into other’s behaviour,” my wife said casually, “He must be having his own reasons.”

“His own reasons?” I was angry with my own wife…

Meanwhile, I was waiting for another gentleman’s call… His instant auto-generated response to my call, earlier in the day, had asked me: “Can I call you later?”

“No issues. Please call when you are free,” was my response.

The call hadn’t come till the time I went off to sleep. My wife had already tried to put some sense into my heated head, saying, “Don’t try to read too much into others’ behaviour… They must be having their own reasons.”

So, I dared not to react about this gentleman (and try to get some sympathy from my dear wife): “What kind of attitude is this?” …

I knew what was coming!

 

GERALD D’CUNHA

 

Pic's.: 1. chepte cormani 2. pixabay

 

Video: Gaur Gopal Das