SOLVE IT, LEAVE IT OR LIVE WITH IT
“It was my letting go that gave me a better hold.”
Our attachments breed fear… the fear of losing what we are attached to.
We are attached to our people… We fear we may lose them.
We are attached to our wealth… We fear we may lose it.
We are attached to our fame, reputation and position… We fear we may lose them.
We are attached to our physical beauty… We fear we may lose it, one day.
We are attached to our ideas, beliefs and opinions… We fear we may be proved wrong.
Yes, right from our looks, public opinion, people, wealth and ideologies, we are attached to everything in our lives. There is an inherent fear of losing in attachments.
Fear exists, as Jiddu Krishnamurti says, only in relationships… In every relationship. The relationships are our attachments. When we ‘see’ this truth… that our attachments bring fear - and, thereby anxiety, worry, sorrow, guilt, anger, jealousy, and hatred – that very ‘seeing’ brings our ‘freeing’. Peace.
That ‘choiceless awareness’ is a spiritual experience… It is called ‘Letting Go’. It happens when we see what ‘is’… When we stop arguing with the ‘reality. The conflict and suffering are the consequences of our arguments with the reality… When we do not accept what ‘is’!
A friend of mine and her husband, who live abroad, had given their all to their son… with the best of everything, they thought. But, as the son turned to be a young man, they were not braced to accept what was happening in his life. The drug addiction had unleashed a series of problems in the family, including a fear of losing their son. No parent is braced for a problem like that… Nobody wants it and nobody ever imagines that it would come and stand on his or her door, one day.
So, my friend - who first lived in denial, then in constant fear, anxiety, sorrow and anger - slowly learnt to accept the reality. She and her husband did not give up on their young son… They kept trying every method possible to help their son out of his condition… They held on to every branch… It was frustrating, scary…
But, thanks to a prayerful and practical approach towards their problem, a sense of peace soon prevailed in their life. Early this morning, I saw this message from my friend:
Reading your Post reminded me of a video (Shared below) and also of how far I have made progress in letting go.
With all the struggles our family faced with our son, Krish’s * drug addiction, the real shift in his recovery started happening when, both, my husband and I, started letting go. We learnt to love Krish with genuine love, not attached love. Personally, I had to come to a place of accepting, that my son, who I loved most dearly, could die any day and I could not control that. I realized, at that moment, that’s the harsh truth for anyone who was a parent; whether we saw it that way or not. It didn’t mean, that I stopped loving my son or didn’t feel emotions; but, with the acceptance, that he could die, also came a beautiful peace of being able to enjoy his presence and my life, by being in the moment…
Once I had let go of this notion, that I cannot control the outcome of my actions, it was very freeing. That, I believe, allowed for a more trusting and loving relationship with Krish and allowed him to come to the place of starting recovery from his problem.
We have a long road ahead of us in Krish recovering fully and lead a fulfilling life. But, as much as it has been his journey, it has been a journey for us, his parents, too, of tremendous personal growth… learning more about where we could improve, and, most importantly, loving our child in a way he wants and needs to be loved.
* Name changed
There was one more message, early in the morning, today. A dear friend of mine had sent it to wish me a ‘Good Morning’:
Who should be blamed when a leaf falls from the tree?
Is it the wind that blew it away,
Or, the tree that let it go,
Or, the leaf itself that grew tired holding on?
Life unfolds so many misunderstandings (Problems) each day…
It is up to us to
Solve it, Leave it or Live with it.
Pic.: Manoj Nair