THE BEAUTY AND POWER OF OUR TEARS

 

“The emotion that can break your heart is, sometimes,

the very one that heals it.”

Nicholas Sparks

 

Every time I get overwhelmed, I cry. And, every time I cry, I feel good about myself. I believe, that there is no shame in my tears… I am not at all embarrassed about showing my tears, my fragile veneer. Yes, as long as my tears come from an honest space, I am at peace… I am healed!

When I feel grateful, I cry…

When I feel anxious and scared, I cry…

When I feel joyous, I cry…

When I accomplish something, I cry…

When I fail, I cry…

When people tell me, that I make difference in their lives, I cry…

When I feel the touch of others, I cry…

When people, who I trust, betray me, I cry…

When people, who I love, leave me, I cry…

When my child is born, on his every milestone, when he leaves… when he arrives, I cry…

I cry on my every ‘prodigal-son experience’… on my every ‘Desert Experience’…

When I stand before the vast ocean, behold the amazing hues of changing skies, when the Sun goes down,  and the Moon and the Stars come up… when I feel caressed by the gentle breeze… and  feel small in that silence, I cry… yes, I cry…

To me, one of the most beautiful mysteries of living, is the time when my tears come… when I cannot contain the ebbs and flows of my emotions, anymore… when I feel  small and mighty, when I feel blessed and orphaned, lost, alone… vulnerable. Yes, these are the moments when I feel overwhelmed by something beyond my tiny self… I feel the  presence of a force, Whom I trust and surrender simply… “Thank you,” “Help me,” “Guide me,” “Forgive me,”… This is what crying means to me.

 

Mayukh was my student, some twenty years ago. He got married, lived in America for some years with his wife and two little kids… and, came back, a few years ago, to live in India. He had told me, several times, as to how I had made a meaningful difference in his life… Apparently, he had been talking about it at home… He wanted his two little kids (age 9 and 11) to get some of that touch and had enrolled them for one of my online programmes… Along with the kids, their mother, too, took part in it. When Mayukh shared the screen shot of the online fee-payment, I instantly acknowledged it:

“Received it, Mayukh… Annadatha Sukhibhava!”

And, I meant it! I felt it! I cried inside!

 

At 63, I am still able to work, earn… And, how else would I feel?

I go on my knees, close my eyes, and feel the touch… If heart ebbs and flows, and tears come, so be it…

Feeling is healing… It’s good!

Two other little kids (siblings) had their last session, yesterday. I had encouraged their parents, too, to participate in the programme, and it had been a very satisfying experience… I had told them several stories during the programmes and kept the story of ‘Poorna’ for the last day. Some year’s ago, I had watched the Hindi film ‘Poorna’, which was produced, directed and acted by Rahul Bose.

 

POORNA

 

The film ‘Poorna’ is a powerful story. It is about this tribal girl from Telangana, Poorna. As a little girl, she lives in her remote tribal village with her parents and uncles. She is around 10 or 11 and her cousin sister is around 12 or 13. Two girls are close to each other and spend a great deal of time chatting, playing and going to their humble school together. Then, as per the village practice, the older girl is forcefully married off and sent way… Poorna is shattered and lonely… She does not like what has happened, but is too small to do anything about it… She reluctantly goes to school. Before she can recover from the shock, her family is busy making arrangements for her own marriage… Poorna hates it, but can hardly protest. Thus, one day, she runs away from the school…

As a strange coincidence, it’s also the story of Dr. Pravin Kumar,  (Played by Rahul Bose), who is a young IPS officer directly reporting to the Chief Minister. He is fed up with his ivory-tower job and has sought permission to serve in the field of education at any remote village. So, he arrives at the humble village school run by the government’s social-welfare scheme. The first thing he is told on his arrival is, that a girl student (Poorna) has just run away!

Dr. Pravin Kumar quickly gets into his jeep in search of Poorna. He spots her somewhere sitting, all alone … Thus, begins a beautiful mentorship between the two… Poorna is back to school, with new zeal!

One day, during a rock-climbing activity, Poorna’s coach (Shekhar Babu) spots the natural talent of Poorna to climb the rock… There onward, her mentor, Dr. Pravin Kumar, grooms her to climb higher and higher mountains, and, eventually, has brought her to climb the Mount Everest… She and an older Dalit boy have beaten all odds and are now left with the last tip to climb… The mentor tells them this: “I will allow you to attempt the peak only if you tell me why you want to do it -  Give me one strong reason why you want to climb the Mount Everest!”

Poorna is unable to present her reason… The same evening, they receive a phone call from her village, saying her cousin sister is critical… Poorna is sent back to her village to see her sister… By now, the sister is gone… She has delivered twins… One baby is gone… Poorna hold the surviving baby in her hands and begins to sob… She is angry, she is helpless… She hates it, she cries…

The next thing we see in the film is, that Poorna is back to the Everest camp… “Sir, I have found my reason,” she tells her mentor, looking straight in his eyes…

And she climbs the Mount Everest and becomes the youngest girl in the world to do it…. At 13!

Last morning, while telling Poorna’s  story to my two little prodigies, alongside their parents, I found myself getting choked with emotions… My voice was cracking, I was unable to narrate… All that I was able to do was, to let myself feel those emotions fully, and get healed…

My little kids and their parents, on the otherwise, were watching, feeling… and, most certainly, crying as I was doing, on this side…

But, it shall forever remain a mystery to me:

Why was I crying? Is it for the little girl, Poorna – who I will never meet in my life and who is not at all related to me?

Is it for my own two little students, who, too, were set to move on with their own paths?

Or, is it because, I was able to relate Poorna’s moment of awakening to my own… to the reasons to climb my own Mount Everests?

Honestly, I don’t know…

If hearts ebbs and flows, and eyes get wet, if throat chokes and tongue gets tied… I say, it’s so beautiful… So good!

 

GERALD D’CUNHA

 

Pic’s: pixabay

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