Gerald D'Cunha

  “Let’s build bridges, not walls.” Martin Luther King Jr.   I came across this interesting dialogue while looking for appropriate quotes relating to self-care and assertiveness: “Not everything is about you,” Clary said furiously. “Possibly,"  Jace said, "but, you have to admit, that majority of things are.” (Cassandra Clare, City of Glass)   When we criticize others, are we aware, if we are criticizing the ‘person’ or his/her ‘actions’? I think, many times, we aren’t. Similarly, when someone criticizes us, are we aware, if it is our actions or we, as persons, that are being criticized? Again, I think, many times, we aren’t. It’s easy for us to say, “Hey, it’s not about you.” But, ‘something’, always, is… Isn’t it? That’s what drew my attention to in the dialogue shared above. While Clary, furiously, declares, “Not ‘everything’ is about you,” Jace reminds, ‘Something’ is… In fact, "‘majority of things’ are"! To me, the take away from th...

  “All mothers want their sons to grow up  to be President. But, they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.” John F. Kennedy   W e all age, our mothers before we do… And, most of us do not realize this simple, natural process. When we became independent, our mothers lost theirs… When we started gaining health, wealth and position in life, they slowly and steadily began to lose them… Old age and sickness don’t spare any of us. Still, when it comes to looking after – or, is it putting up with? – our aged and ailing parents, we tend to show our impatience and selfishness… Our true colours! It’s one thing to post on social media the happy pictures of our mothers and wish - ‘A Happy Mother’s Day’… It’s completely different thing to sit next to her, holding her frail hands and just listen to her, feel her pain, anxiety and loneliness… Optics and ‘God Bless Her’ are hollow. What mothers really need, today, is a quiet dignity… empathy and patience…...

“Because, that’s what kindness is. It’s not doing something for someone else because they can’t; but, because, you can.” Andrew Iskander M any years ago, when Mother Teresa was alive, a famous personality had made a statement, whereby, he called her ‘the most selfish person on earth’! It was several years ago, and social media was not yet born. So, the reactions to this ‘provocative’ and ‘blasphemous’ statement appeared on some sections of the print media and, finally, everybody forgot about it… Mother Teresa’s work continues as usual with least noise… and, I do not know what happened to the ‘famous personality’ who had stirred the hornet’s nest… But, ever since I heard it first, one thing keeps happening inside my heart, whenever some of my admirers praise me for my ‘selfless work’. Today, early in the morning, Sudha, one such soul, sent this message from Dubai: “Hello Sir, how are you? I was watching ‘Kindness Dairies’ on Netflix.  It connected m...

“How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven.”   – Robert A. Heinlein I n the staircase of the building where I live, there is a cat who has just delivered a couple of babies. She has occupied a tiny corner of the staircase on one of the floors… The household, that feeds this cat and her babies some milk or some food, is her – and her babies’ – annadhata . Every time I pass by this cat and her babies, I feel guilty that I don’t do what those neighbours of mine do… So, to cover up my guilt, I stop for a while near the cat and her babies and offer my empty hand… The cat stretches her face close to my hand to smell it… It’s the smell of the food I have just eaten at my home… But, that seems to make the cat a little happier... She offers herself to me for a little caressing… I can feel how much she loves it! And, then, I move on with my life! Today morning, the man of that kind household ha...

Pic.: Mini Milind “Self-care is never selfish, but it may feel that way when you live a frenzied life.”  ―  Arthur P. Ciaramicoli , S aying ‘No’ is difficult, very uncomfortable. At least, it is so to me. People come to me with requests and it calls for my saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’. The moment I say ‘yes’, I know I should be ready to give my time, energy or money. Experience has taught me how, by saying ‘yes’ when I wanted to say ‘no’, I had invited stress for myself… making me eventually resist or feel even angry. All the workshops we had conducted over the years – on ‘Self-esteem’ and on ‘Assertiveness’ – yes, all these workshops have taught me one thing: We cannot say ‘yes’ to everyone, and for everything. That, saying ‘no’ in the right manner with the right intent is the greatest service we can do to our own well-being, and, thereby, to that of others’ as well. But, then, it is not as easy as it seems. One of my students,...

Pic..: Chetna Shetty Y ears ago, when I had decided to do something about my poor English, one of the things I did – and found it very useful – was telling a nice story in two tenses… Past and Present. Over the years, I have helped hundreds of people who were earnest to improve their English with the same method… Yes, write a nice story down in both the tenses… and tell it to someone. Every time I see a ‘fox’ around me, I think of this story… and, yes, I console myself! THE CAMEL AND THE FOX   PAST: A camel and a fox had become friends. There was a sugarcane field on the other side of the river and, often, the camel carried the fox on his back across for food. One day, after crossing the river, the camel slowly started munching the sugarcane while the fox quickly gobbled a couple of chicken from the farm. Once his stomach was full, the fox began to howl loudly. “What are you doing?” cried the shocked camel, “I have not yet ...

Pic.: Daniel Pinto “Y ou need a thick skin to be in politics.” Often, I hear people saying this. And, I tend to agree with it, too. But, then, as I go about my life, I do realize, that it is necessary to have a thick skin not just in politics - i.e., in party politics – but, everywhere else, too... I need a thick skin everywhere... where I have to deal with people... where I have to take decisions relating to money, buying and selling... where I have to deal with administration, management and so on... Where I have to deal with egoes, insecurities and jealousy... Where I have to deal with communication issues... So, I need a thick skin while dealing with my business associates – my partners, suppliers, customers, government agencies, staff, superiors, competitors and so on... I need a thick skin while dealing with my housing-society committee-members or the general-members... I need a thick skin while dealing with my religious community – the priests and ...

Pic.:  Umang Pahwa M ulla, once again, made me smile, today! O nce, seeing a large crowd gathered around a deep pond, Mulla Nasudin rushed to the site to check what had happened. A rich merchant, with a long beard and a large turban, had fallen into the pond and was struggling to come out. Many onlookers offered their help to the drowning man, saying, “Give me your hand, sir.” But, the merchant would not respond to their calls. Instead, he kept struggling in the pond, trying to keep his head barely above the water, in the meantime. This continued for a while, as everyone near the pond began to worry, and, as it became evident that the merchant’s strange behavior would take him down, any moment... Finally, our Mulla decided to take charge of the situation. “All of you go aside,” he announced loudly, “Let me handle it, my way.” So saying, Mulla extended his hand to the drowning merchant and said, gently, “Take my hand, sir.” It worked! Imm...

It has, always, been fashionable to talk about the virtues of ‘net-working’. Yes, our ‘Social net-working’. We know Social net-working helps us to ‘grow’… socially, intellectually, financially and even spiritually. Most of us have some of these reasons for joining various social circles - Clubs, Gymkhanas, Associations, Religious groups, and even Charity organizations… Out there, we meet people from different back grounds – different interests, talents, and even cultures… and, we hope to learn from these people, share ideas, contacts, and grow from mutual benefits… Definitely, it is the best way to expand our ‘circles of influence’, if I should borrow the famous catch-line of late Dr. Stephen R. Covey. So far so good. But, what is interesting is this: Imagine four people meet at a Club or Gymkhana… each having in his mind his own agenda: how to ‘expand’… how to ‘grow…by net-working with others. So much so, each one is the...