WHILE EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT YOU

 



“Let’s build bridges, not walls.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

 

I came across this interesting dialogue while looking for appropriate quotes relating to self-care and assertiveness:

“Not everything is about you,” Clary said furiously.

“Possibly,"  Jace said, "but, you have to admit, that majority of things are.”

(Cassandra Clare, City of Glass)

 

When we criticize others, are we aware, if we are criticizing the ‘person’ or his/her ‘actions’?

I think, many times, we aren’t.

Similarly, when someone criticizes us, are we aware, if it is our actions or we, as persons, that are being criticized?

Again, I think, many times, we aren’t.

It’s easy for us to say, “Hey, it’s not about you.” But, ‘something’, always, is… Isn’t it?

That’s what drew my attention to in the dialogue shared above. While Clary, furiously, declares, “Not ‘everything’ is about you,” Jace reminds, ‘Something’ is… In fact, "‘majority of things’ are"!

To me, the take away from this dialogue is this. If I am criticized for the  shoddy work stemming from my bad attitude, it’s important on my part to accept it and do amends. It calls for my humility. Only when I have a healthy self-esteem, I am able to do it. Else, I will sulk, defend and react, always.





From the other end of the spectrum, the same thing can happen. To criticize someone constructively, too, calls for my healthy self-esteem. It comes from love and care for the person I criticize. So, I separate the person from his actions. But, when the actions come from bad attitude of that person, it is important to communicate it to the other person – as gently and as firmly as possible. If the other person has a healthy self-esteem – if he is eager to learn and amend – he will know how much of the criticism is about his actions and how much is about his attitude.

Let me conclude it: Unless one ‘owns up’ – whether it is from this side or the other side - criticism will, always, be criticized as ‘negative’ or ‘destructive’…



Therefore, ‘something’ – if not ‘everything’ or even ‘majority of things’ – is, always, about ‘me’, about ‘you’…

Yes, it’s about our ‘attitude’!

 

GERALD D’CUNHA


Pic’s: pixabay


Video: Penny Chiam


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