THE TOXIC ELEMENTS
The old man had seven children - three sons, and four daughters. And, he died with his boots on. At 80.
This man came from a very humble back round, worked very hard to give a decent education to his seven children. When he died, he left for them a large house that had five bathrooms. The daughters had been married, and they stayed separately. Two of the three sons were married and stayed under the same roof. The youngest of the siblings, the unmarried son, was a spoilt brat. For him, everything had come on a platter. His two elder brothers worked hard to keep up their father's legacy. But, the last one, was born to ruin it.
Troubles began to brew up soon after the old man's demise. The youngest one, who was a college-dropout, would come home, late in the nights, fully drunk. His mornings began only at ten. Then, a towel tied around his waist, he would wile away his time, just because 'his' bath room was occupied by some one else. He would never, ever enter another! Yes, no matter how much more time he would have to wait, and no matter how much arguments erupted from his silly behaviour. The gentle persuasion and stern warnings did not seem to affect his thick skin. Finally, fed up, the other brothers decided to do away with this useless character. A couple of show-downs later, he was given his share and was shown the door.
It took not even a year, for this young man, to blow off his father's kitty. When he hit the dead end, he returned to his brothers. They took him in, and gave another chance.
But, now the situation in the joint family turned very disturbing. The old habits not only never died, but they also grew uglier. The wives and children of the two elder brothers had come to their wit's end. Their patience had dried up, and they exerted pressure to 'clean up' the house. Finally, the two elder brothers, gave a small amount of money and threw the black sheep out of the herd.
The young man, who once waited for hours - draped in his princely towel - refusing to enter any other bathroom, now lives in a dirty shanty. And, he has to, indeed, wait for hours to enter the common toilet!
A friend of mine wanted to groom and mentor one of his relatives. In spite of his wife's protest, my friend allowed this young man to live in his house. He spent a lot of money to get the fellow trained - on his travelling, food, clothes and entertainment. Then, the young man was absorbed in my friend's family business. But, what my friend received, for all this, was nothing but frustration. Everything had come to this young man easily, he had hardly faced any struggle, he had never learnt to value money, time and hard work. My friend tried every possible means to set things right with his prodigy. What he didn't realise was that it was not his life that had to be set right, it was his prodigy's ... It was his business.
Then, finally, one day, when my friend realised this truth, he said enough was enough, and he asked the young man to get out, fend for himself.
Another friend of mine had to throw out one of his managers, after twenty-long years, in a similar fashion. All these years, my friend tried not to disturb his useless, ungrateful, manager's family by firing him. Finally, when he realised that this thick-skinned man had become a White Elephant - a millstone around his neck - he did not hesitate to pack him off.
I myself had to sever my relationship with one of my old friends, very lately. In friendship, we tolerate a lot of things, put up with each other's shortcomings and irritating behaviours. But, there also comes, sometimes, a time when we realise that it is too difficult to keep up the relationship, for its sheer high maintenance cost. We realise, that it has gone beyond repairs, and it is neither worth putting together, nor worth keeping.
So, I discarded one such friendship. And, along with it, all my misery and guilt!
A woman I know came out of her messy marriage. "I did not come out of a messy marriage; I came out of a toxic chamber," she says, looking back with tremendous relief. "You try to work things out, and you work hard and long at it, with all the patience at your disposal, you hope against the hope, and, finally, when you realise that the toll on your emotional health is too much, you walk out."
Whether it is friendship, marriage or any other relationship, it all boils down to this basic truth:
In life, there are some relationships, which have a very 'high-maintenance' cost. And, as in the case of a White Elephant, we have to make a choice: to keep them, or to do away with.
Similarly, there is that friend, a prodigy or your own brother, who might have become a 'toxic element' in your life. And, yes, it is for you to decide what to do with him.
GERALD D'CUNHA
This man came from a very humble back round, worked very hard to give a decent education to his seven children. When he died, he left for them a large house that had five bathrooms. The daughters had been married, and they stayed separately. Two of the three sons were married and stayed under the same roof. The youngest of the siblings, the unmarried son, was a spoilt brat. For him, everything had come on a platter. His two elder brothers worked hard to keep up their father's legacy. But, the last one, was born to ruin it.
Troubles began to brew up soon after the old man's demise. The youngest one, who was a college-dropout, would come home, late in the nights, fully drunk. His mornings began only at ten. Then, a towel tied around his waist, he would wile away his time, just because 'his' bath room was occupied by some one else. He would never, ever enter another! Yes, no matter how much more time he would have to wait, and no matter how much arguments erupted from his silly behaviour. The gentle persuasion and stern warnings did not seem to affect his thick skin. Finally, fed up, the other brothers decided to do away with this useless character. A couple of show-downs later, he was given his share and was shown the door.
It took not even a year, for this young man, to blow off his father's kitty. When he hit the dead end, he returned to his brothers. They took him in, and gave another chance.
But, now the situation in the joint family turned very disturbing. The old habits not only never died, but they also grew uglier. The wives and children of the two elder brothers had come to their wit's end. Their patience had dried up, and they exerted pressure to 'clean up' the house. Finally, the two elder brothers, gave a small amount of money and threw the black sheep out of the herd.
The young man, who once waited for hours - draped in his princely towel - refusing to enter any other bathroom, now lives in a dirty shanty. And, he has to, indeed, wait for hours to enter the common toilet!
A friend of mine wanted to groom and mentor one of his relatives. In spite of his wife's protest, my friend allowed this young man to live in his house. He spent a lot of money to get the fellow trained - on his travelling, food, clothes and entertainment. Then, the young man was absorbed in my friend's family business. But, what my friend received, for all this, was nothing but frustration. Everything had come to this young man easily, he had hardly faced any struggle, he had never learnt to value money, time and hard work. My friend tried every possible means to set things right with his prodigy. What he didn't realise was that it was not his life that had to be set right, it was his prodigy's ... It was his business.
Then, finally, one day, when my friend realised this truth, he said enough was enough, and he asked the young man to get out, fend for himself.
Another friend of mine had to throw out one of his managers, after twenty-long years, in a similar fashion. All these years, my friend tried not to disturb his useless, ungrateful, manager's family by firing him. Finally, when he realised that this thick-skinned man had become a White Elephant - a millstone around his neck - he did not hesitate to pack him off.
I myself had to sever my relationship with one of my old friends, very lately. In friendship, we tolerate a lot of things, put up with each other's shortcomings and irritating behaviours. But, there also comes, sometimes, a time when we realise that it is too difficult to keep up the relationship, for its sheer high maintenance cost. We realise, that it has gone beyond repairs, and it is neither worth putting together, nor worth keeping.
So, I discarded one such friendship. And, along with it, all my misery and guilt!
A woman I know came out of her messy marriage. "I did not come out of a messy marriage; I came out of a toxic chamber," she says, looking back with tremendous relief. "You try to work things out, and you work hard and long at it, with all the patience at your disposal, you hope against the hope, and, finally, when you realise that the toll on your emotional health is too much, you walk out."
Whether it is friendship, marriage or any other relationship, it all boils down to this basic truth:
In life, there are some relationships, which have a very 'high-maintenance' cost. And, as in the case of a White Elephant, we have to make a choice: to keep them, or to do away with.
Similarly, there is that friend, a prodigy or your own brother, who might have become a 'toxic element' in your life. And, yes, it is for you to decide what to do with him.
GERALD D'CUNHA
Comments
Thks for sharing this article.
Best Rgds,
Girish
A very thought provoking article and I must say a very audacious attempt to adress this subject.
Every family or every social circle that we have, has some or the other obnoxious weed for sure, it is upto us how we can seperate or keep distance from such people, because they make their's as well others life miserable.
God has given us the power to choose, let us exercise it to the best extent, because I believe Lord does not want any of us to suffer for others karmas...