THE BEAR HUG
After a very long time - fifteen years, to be precise - I had been to this Colony, last evening. I wanted to visit these two families.
The first one of these two families, was a very small family. When I last saw them, they were three: the husband and wife, who were in their mid fifties, and their young son. Yesterday, when I entered their house, an old, sick woman, supported by a walker, opened the door. She recognised me; I didn't. It was the same woman, who was once so full of energy and so full of hospitality.
"Aunty," I said, " I am very sorry, I couldn't recognise you."
"It's alright. It has happened with many people," she said, asking me to sit.
Her husband, she told me, had passed away about thirteen years ago, in a massive heart attack. Her only son was married to a working girl after five years. Her world began to crumble, she told me, immediately after that. The girl couldn't stand her mother-in-law. From the day one, she started nagging her husband about his mother. In the start, son tried his best to pacify his wife, hoping that she would eventually make adjustments. But, things became worse, day by day. The Kitchens were separated; the mother-in-law had to cook for her own self; the son was blackmailed not to touch his mother's food, and there were frequent fights, loud arguments, threats... The son was torn between the two, even tried to subdue his wife by physical assault, and ,finally, in frustration, one day, consumed poison to end his troubles. But, a quick interference from some neighbourhood youngsters saved him ... Only to suffer more!
The daughter-in-law turned only harder and harsher. Then, one day, with her husband, moved out to stay in his company accommodation. The mother-in-law's health began to deteriorate more and more - with worry, loneliness and sorrow. She told me that the son does visit her, once in a while, with out his wife's knowledge. The grand child is, already, poisoned by his mother, and never allowed even to be 'touched by his grand mother's shadow'!
This thought is more unbearable for the ailing woman, than all other!
I was there with her for an hour. When I left, looking at her wet eyes, and sad plight, I couldn't hold back my own tears.
"Such a warm family, such a zestful human being ... how could Life be so harsh for this family, for her?" ... I kept thinking, on my way to the second house.
The second house has been, always, a large family. Fifteen years ago, two married brothers stayed in this one-bed-room flat with their mother and children. The school-going children called their grand mother - 'Dhadhu'. So, she was 'Dhadhu' for all the Colony children. She loved them all, gave them her bear hugs, treated them with sweets and her special dishes. Her sons and daughters-in-law respected her, and in return , the 'Dhadhu' adored them all. It was such a happy sight, such a warm atmosphere to be in.
Last night, after my heart-wrenching experience in the first house, I silently began to wonder: "What might be the plight of this big family, now? What might be plight of our 'Dhadhu'?"
"Dhadhu, one uncle," shouted a cute-little kid, who opened the door for me.
"It's not 'one uncle', it is my son," the ever-green "Dhadhu' gave me her bear hug, as she informed her great-grand child. "This is Karan's grand daughter... Bhadi shaitan hai," Dhadhu pulled the 'big Satan' close to her bosoms.
I was told, that her other son Kunal, with his family, stayed in the next wing of their building. "But, we all meet here at night for our dinner," Dhadhu told me."Have dinner with us today, they all will be happy."
She enquired about my family. "Why didn't you bring them? Come again with them, I want to see them."
I gave my promise to 'Dhadhu', "Dhadhu, I will definitely be there for the dinner next time I come to see you with my family."
As I left behind these exactly contrast memories, I began to wonder aloud: "What must be the secret of happiness in this family? How come 'Dhadhu' continues to be a 'Dhadhu' even for her great-grand children?"
By the time I rang my own door bell, I fairly got a hint: the magic of 'Dhadhu's bear hug - 'the jaadhu ki jappi'!
GERALD D'CUNHA
The first one of these two families, was a very small family. When I last saw them, they were three: the husband and wife, who were in their mid fifties, and their young son. Yesterday, when I entered their house, an old, sick woman, supported by a walker, opened the door. She recognised me; I didn't. It was the same woman, who was once so full of energy and so full of hospitality.
"Aunty," I said, " I am very sorry, I couldn't recognise you."
"It's alright. It has happened with many people," she said, asking me to sit.
Her husband, she told me, had passed away about thirteen years ago, in a massive heart attack. Her only son was married to a working girl after five years. Her world began to crumble, she told me, immediately after that. The girl couldn't stand her mother-in-law. From the day one, she started nagging her husband about his mother. In the start, son tried his best to pacify his wife, hoping that she would eventually make adjustments. But, things became worse, day by day. The Kitchens were separated; the mother-in-law had to cook for her own self; the son was blackmailed not to touch his mother's food, and there were frequent fights, loud arguments, threats... The son was torn between the two, even tried to subdue his wife by physical assault, and ,finally, in frustration, one day, consumed poison to end his troubles. But, a quick interference from some neighbourhood youngsters saved him ... Only to suffer more!
The daughter-in-law turned only harder and harsher. Then, one day, with her husband, moved out to stay in his company accommodation. The mother-in-law's health began to deteriorate more and more - with worry, loneliness and sorrow. She told me that the son does visit her, once in a while, with out his wife's knowledge. The grand child is, already, poisoned by his mother, and never allowed even to be 'touched by his grand mother's shadow'!
This thought is more unbearable for the ailing woman, than all other!
I was there with her for an hour. When I left, looking at her wet eyes, and sad plight, I couldn't hold back my own tears.
"Such a warm family, such a zestful human being ... how could Life be so harsh for this family, for her?" ... I kept thinking, on my way to the second house.
The second house has been, always, a large family. Fifteen years ago, two married brothers stayed in this one-bed-room flat with their mother and children. The school-going children called their grand mother - 'Dhadhu'. So, she was 'Dhadhu' for all the Colony children. She loved them all, gave them her bear hugs, treated them with sweets and her special dishes. Her sons and daughters-in-law respected her, and in return , the 'Dhadhu' adored them all. It was such a happy sight, such a warm atmosphere to be in.
Last night, after my heart-wrenching experience in the first house, I silently began to wonder: "What might be the plight of this big family, now? What might be plight of our 'Dhadhu'?"
"Dhadhu, one uncle," shouted a cute-little kid, who opened the door for me.
"It's not 'one uncle', it is my son," the ever-green "Dhadhu' gave me her bear hug, as she informed her great-grand child. "This is Karan's grand daughter... Bhadi shaitan hai," Dhadhu pulled the 'big Satan' close to her bosoms.
I was told, that her other son Kunal, with his family, stayed in the next wing of their building. "But, we all meet here at night for our dinner," Dhadhu told me."Have dinner with us today, they all will be happy."
She enquired about my family. "Why didn't you bring them? Come again with them, I want to see them."
I gave my promise to 'Dhadhu', "Dhadhu, I will definitely be there for the dinner next time I come to see you with my family."
As I left behind these exactly contrast memories, I began to wonder aloud: "What must be the secret of happiness in this family? How come 'Dhadhu' continues to be a 'Dhadhu' even for her great-grand children?"
By the time I rang my own door bell, I fairly got a hint: the magic of 'Dhadhu's bear hug - 'the jaadhu ki jappi'!
GERALD D'CUNHA
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