Gerald D'Cunha

  He, who does not understand your silence, will, probably, not understand your words.” Elbert Hubard   W hen two of us keep shouting at each other, the winner is, always, the one who shouts the louder. By this logic, we are warned not to engage in a shouting match... unless we aspire to be shouting champions... You see, none of us is a gentle angel here... We all shout at one another... That’s our default defence-mechanism... And this: we show more patience, restraint, tolerance, empathy and gentleness when we communicate with ‘outsiders’; and, we, generally, show impatience and lack of sensitivity when we communicate with ‘our own’... Yes, I am no exception. It’s said, when we are intimately close, we don’t even need to whisper... Our silence speaks. And, when angry, we are emotionally so distanced, that we need to shout, yell, scream... Rumi says: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field I’ll meet you there. When the soul lie...

  “You can give without loving; but, you cannot love without giving.” Amy Carmichael   K ahlil Gibran says, “ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It’s when you give of yourself, that you truly give.” I do not know, how to convey this truth to a young one who wants to know how to shine in life... “By giving, and by giving more and even more,” I say to every young one. Now, you can understand, why Gibran talks about ‘giving of yourself’ – and not ‘giving of your possessions’... The wealthiest man in this world may not know what giving is... and, as Amy Carmichael says, “You can give without loving; but, you cannot love without giving.” S ome days ago, a young man – a very creative, very gifted soul – wanted to know from me how to find true happiness in his life. Well, I knew, that happiness was not any destination; but, only a continuous journey... It’s along this journey, that one could hope to experience happiness. So, I said to the young man...

  “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree, but hold hands.” Alexandra Penney   M y Mom passed away, on this day, a year ago. Today, as I write this Post, her memorial mass must’ve just concluded at the local church in our hometown, Mangalore. My wife and I had booked the air tickets some three months ago and we were keen to attend this first memorial mass. But, due to my wife’s health condition, we had to drop our plans ... Mom – we called her ‘Mai’ – lived nearly for ninety years. Except for the last two years, she led a simple yet productive life. She had five sons to raise... I was her second son. Our Dad (we called him ‘baab’ ) died of a sudden heart attack on 2 nd January, 1983. He was 57 and Mom was 48. What I cannot erase from my mind is how fondly our Mom would remind us, her five sons, on Dad’s every death anniversary... “It’s ten years today, since Dad passed away”... “Today, it’s twenty years” “Today, it’s thirty years”... She did that till ...

  “There are, obviously, two educations: One should teach us how to make a living, and the other, how to live.” James T. Adama   I   see, both, respect for time and respect for food, are correlated. To go even further – many other things are correlated, too… There are these two young boys in my class. Their academic year is almost over. But, I have never been able to make them come ‘on time’, leave alone ‘before time’. I have used all possible motivational tricks in my arsenal… gentle words, harsh words, love and anger… No. Nothing has worked. Their favorite excuse for reaching late is - ‘stuck in the traffic’. First time, one can understand… But, every time ‘stuck in the traffic’? “Will they accept this reason at the airport? Will the airplane wait for Your Majesty?” “Will they accept this reason on the day of your Board exam? Will they wait for you, or give extra time to complete your paper?” “Will the surgeon and his team wait for you on the operati...

  “When things change inside you, things change around you.” Unknown     A t hindsight, the very things, which I once thought were responsible for my inner turmoil, now seem are responsible for so many fine virtues, such as patience, empathy, resilience, forgiveness, self-reliance etc. Yes, many years ago, I thought the behaviour of others affected me, that they had to change their behaviour. But, as years passed by, slowly and steadily, wisdom came to settle in me… Others behave as per their level of awareness and wisdom. I behave as per mine. There will, always, be this gap between our respective levels of awareness and wisdom… So, what is easier? What’s within my hands? “Peace be with you.” This is how the Priest reminds all of us towards the end of every mass in the church. Then, he reminds us to “Offer peace to each other.” True… How can we offer peace to others unless and until we experience it within us? Let me tell you this: We can experience p...

  “If you don’t consciously choose trust and love in each moment, your subconscious policies will choose for you… and they usually choose fear.” Kimberly Giles   L ast afternoon, I attended a funeral ceremony of a senior citizen. He was one of the finest gentlemen I had known for years… very sensitive, compassionate, caring and giving. Every one, who had known him, says the same thing – “He was such a gentle soul.” In the same breath, most of us have asked this mysterious question: “Why bad things happen to good people?” Cancer, depression and several other complications made life of this fine gentleman quite sad and lonely… There must’ve been quiet pain, a deep sense of hurt and betrayal… worry, sadness and bitterness… and, it must’ve manifested in the form of depression, cancer and other complications… I hesitate to judge and reason out… The truth is that, the funeral pyre consumed all that was mortal – the pain, sorrow, bitterness, loneliness… all. At least fi...

  “Valentine’s Day is the poet’s holiday.” Ted Koosner   E ven the all-mighty and omnipresent Google has turned pink this morning… Love is in the air, you see. Frankly, when I was in college, back home, I hadn’t heard about this ‘Love Day’. But, by the time I landed   in this big city – that’s some 43 years ago - it had already spread all over the world. When I heard my young students wishing each other (including their teachers) – ‘A Happy Valentine’s Day’ – yes, that’s when I realized, that when things are air-bore, they spread very, very fast. That’s also the time, I first began to grasp the meaning of the saying, “Jab jaago tab sabera”… Love was always in the air… I was just waking up to smell it! W hether the idea of celebrating this day as the “Valentine’s Day is a desi one or a videsi one – I really don’t care. It makes almost all of us feel a little high today. And, I think, that’s something nice… Thank God, they have dropped the idea of hugging the...

  “Throwing away food is like stealing food from the tables of those who are poor and hungry.” Pope Francis   I love good food. Yes, I, often, indulge in it… Eat more than what is required for my body and nourishment. Some of my friends keep consoling me, “Friend, it’s okay… Life is short… Make merry when it is there… Don’t feel guilty; don’t regret.” Well, regret I would, when the excess food in my belly refuses to digest. That’s when I stare at the reality, that I am supposed to be eating to live, not living to eat. Meanwhile, I am not writing this Post to highlight the merits and demerits of overeating. I am writing it to highlight the respect for food… The simple food. The maid, who keeps my office and classrooms clean, has been helping me for over twenty-five years. She lives in one of the hutments, clustered along a nearby hill… ‘Dongar’ , they call it. When an elderly woman has served you for over twenty-five years, it’s natural to have in her a deep sens...

  “ The sign of true love is not a diamond; it’s a cross.” Anonymous   O ur shoulders are not broad enough to carry the problems of the world. Forget the ‘world’, we cannot even carry the problems of a handful around us. Yet, we happily and readily carry on our shoulders the problems of ‘a chosen few’… Don’t we? I have done that, and I still do that. Similarly, there are a few Jesus Christs around me, who readily, happily   and, unconditionally, carry my cross on their shoulders... That’s how Love, always, has been… and will be. I will, always, find strength and grace to carry on my shoulders the burdens of a chosen few… and, I will, always, find some chosen few to carry my burden on theirs… Some days ago, a dear one pressed into my hand a beautiful note when he sensed the weight of some of my burden. The note read: “The sign of true love is not a diamond; it is a cross.” O nly yesterday, another friend of mine spent almost half a day, sidelining all his p...