THE UNION OF TWO FORGIVERS

 



“The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree,

but hold hands.”

Alexandra Penney

 

My Mom passed away, on this day, a year ago. Today, as I write this Post, her memorial mass must’ve just concluded at the local church in our hometown, Mangalore. My wife and I had booked the air tickets some three months ago and we were keen to attend this first memorial mass. But, due to my wife’s health condition, we had to drop our plans ...

Mom – we called her ‘Mai’ – lived nearly for ninety years. Except for the last two years, she led a simple yet productive life. She had five sons to raise... I was her second son. Our Dad (we called him ‘baab’) died of a sudden heart attack on 2nd January, 1983. He was 57 and Mom was 48.

What I cannot erase from my mind is how fondly our Mom would remind us, her five sons, on Dad’s every death anniversary... “It’s ten years today, since Dad passed away”... “Today, it’s twenty years” “Today, it’s thirty years”... She did that till her memory completely faded two years before her death... Yes, for close to forty years, Dad’s memory was kept alive in his sons through Mom...

And, today, on her first death anniversary, I am here wondering, “Who would keep her memory alive in us down the years?”




(In August, 2008, Mom had attended one of THE DAWN CLUB functions)


Dad and Mom did not go to school the way we did. Their existence was the proverbial hand-to-mouth. They did not have marriage counsellors or couple therapists. But, yes, their life – particularly Mom’s – was Church/Christ-centric. Reflecting on it, I really think, such simple trust and commitment were the finest glues that held them together, through good times and bad times, and through  health and sickness...

Dad was a loving, playful human. But, he lived all his married life with his massive addiction to alcohol. There was endless lack of money at home... and our Mom took upon her the entire brunt... I look back and wonder, how did she keep loving him, so fully and so sincerely, despite all his flaws and their consequences... I never saw them ‘defeated in love’... even though they seemed ‘defeated in everything else’ around love...

So, having navigated for close to thirty-four years through our own marriage – and when I look around me on the state of marriages today – I draw a lot of strength from the wisdom of the married life of my simple, village parents...

They did not give up...

They chose to overlook their flaws and celebrate their goodness...

They chose simplicity over show...

They prayed hard...

Above all, they chose to forgive...

The last one, I need the most, today...

“Today is one year since you left us, Mai”... Please keep reminding us not just with this, but, also, with Ruth Bell Graham’s wonderful message:


“A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers.”  



 

GERALD D’CUNHA


Pic’s: 1. www. Pexel.com  2. Ahok Ahuja

Video: Growth@connectwithgrowth

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