THE UNCLAIMED BONUS
“You can only
understand people
if you feel them in yourself.”
John Steinbeck
Empathy,
it is said, is not a noun, it’s a verb... It’s a word in action.
As a teacher of
college students, I tend to get impatient quickly... When students struggle to
answer, yes, I tend to forget, that I, too, struggled to answer once; often, I
was worse than how I find my students now...
Ditto is the
case when it comes to parenting. Do you and I expect too much and too fast –
and too good – from our young children. And, how cooly we forget, that we didn’t
live at all up to our parents’ expectations!
And, yes, the
same impatience is very, very visible at work place, even. When we be come
bosses, we forget our days as beginners... Days as novice, filled with many
mistakes...
It’s often said,
that employees don’t quit their companies; they quit their bad bosses – the ones
who lack empathy, if I were to paraphrase that...
When
I migrated to Mumbai in October, 1979, I had carried with me my nervous,
anxious, poor self, too. I was always poor in my self-confidence back in my hometown;
and, you know – wherever you go, you carry yourself... I carried to this city my
low self-esteem, as well.
But, in the
heart of my hearts, I always dreamt of becoming a teacher and a writer. But,
the reality was, that I had to pay for my food and stay. So, the wife of one of
my cousins, who worked in a General Insurance company, got me a temporary job (something
about three months). As I had done a basic typing course in my college days
(reluctantly), it’s thought, that I would type those insurance certificates and
other documents well. I can’t put in words: how bad I was in that job! Imagine,
policy documents with several misstates – name, address, amounts, term, premium,
nominee and other information typed all wrong!
As I said, I was
nervous, anxious and suffered from poor self-esteem. More than everything else,
I hated that job – and dreamt of becoming something else in life.
What I vividly
remember, about this period of my life is this: There were two middle-aged
seniors in that office. One, went to the Manager, every now and then, to
highlight the mistakes I made. Another, very empathetically, would help me calm
down, encourage to improve, talk about his own struggling days etc. The first
senior was impatient and harsh; the second senior was patient and kind. Ironically,
the Manager was a well-educated, young migrant to this city and, when
complaints went to him, he would call me in and handle me gently... never, ever
he made me feel that I was useless, even though there were sufficient reasons
before him to ‘drive me away’...
When my 90 days
term got over, I sensed a huge relief... I did not want to be there doing such
work. To my pleasant surprise, on my last day, the Manager gifted me a Dale Carnegie
book, and the other senior – the nice soul – gave me a treat at a nearby Irani
restaurant... The taste of the cake and
the caramel pudding still linger on in my heart!
Later, my cousin’s
wife sent me several reminders saying, that there a bonus amount allotted to
me... One thousand rupees was a big sum, and I needed money badly. But, I did
not have the heart to go back and collect that ‘bonus sum’. For, I seriously felt,
I did not deserve it...
Well, in every walk
of life, there are two kinds of people: those who treat us with empathy; and
those who treat us with no empathy.
This episode,
during the most vulnerable time of my life in Bombay, helped me treat others
with empathy, later in my life. Be it as a teacher, parent or an employer...
Yes, every time I found my patience waning, prompting me to be harsh, I would,
quickly, reflect on my own struggling times: How bad I felt when people did not
understand me, and how good I felt when people did...
What goes around
comes around... What we sow, we reap. Yes Sir, Karma catches...
A
well-known doctor had given me a contact number. I had to call on that number,
and they would send a technician home to set up a sleep apnea devise when I
went to sleep. It must be a routine thing for an experienced technician just as
those who come home to collect our blood samples. But, this young boy seemed inexperienced,
tentative, and even childish... There was enough provocation to ‘drive him away’
from our house... To say, “I will call up your boss”, or “I will complain to
the doctor who suggested your firm’s name.” Yes, my wife and I were at the
verge of ‘driving him away’...
It's 10.30 in
the night... The boy had come from far changing trains and buses... He hadn’t
taken his dinner... and, by all means, it appeared to be his maiden job...
My wife and I
decided to change our approach to this young boy... We exercised lots of
patience and showed kindness... “Sorry Sir,”... “Sorry ma’am”... we kept hearing...
Probably, he was worried about losing his job...
The night passed
peacefully... Not only for us, but, hopefully, also to the young boy who made
many mistakes...
I was his age,
when I did mine...
And, here I am,
today - telling this story after 46
years... Who knows where this boy will be 46 years hence!
GERALD D’CUNHA
Pic’s: Pixabay
Video: The Kelly Clarkson Show
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