THE SUFFERING IN PARADISE












Pic.: Anima D'Cunha


“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as
 you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—
the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, 
that you’re suffering in paradise.” 

- Byron Katie in ‘Loving What Is’

“I love you for what you are.”  Have I said this to my loved ones – my wife, son, friends, students, colleagues and many others around me?

Yes, I have… Time and again.

But, then, have I understood the deep meaning of this line whenever I have said it?

I doubt, I have… To be honest, ‘No’, I haven’t.

This morning, I said it again…

One of the things I detest – rather hate – my wife doing to me happens in the mornings when I am in a frantic hurry to leave home… I do not want her to irritate me, nag me, play her broken record… press the button of my irritation and stress… when a dozen conflicting thoughts race through my mind and cloud it and I crave for cooling me down… That’s the time, I expect my wife not to add more clutter… and I have told her that a hundred times, in hundred different ways, including by going boom, boom ballistic!

Ha, ha, ha… My wife seems to love that sight… me going boom, boom ballistic!!!

And, today morning, the Sun must’ve come up from the South! My dear wife was at it, all over again… and, I found myself saying, “Come here sweetheart…  I swear, I love you for what you are!”

“You should,” my wife reciprocated!


“Peace doesn't require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.”  Byron Katie tells us in her famous book – ‘Loving What Is’. She further says, “Our parents, our children, our spouses, and our friends will continue to press every button we have, until we realize what it is that we don't want to know about ourselves, yet… They will point us to our freedom every time.” 

Actually, how simple and uncomplicated peace and love are!  Yet, they don’t seem to be… Peace and love both elude us like mirage in a desert… We seek love and peace outside, not inside our hearts!

One of Roy Croft’s poems opens with the line:

“I love you,
Not only for what you are…
But, for what I am
When I am with you.”

Perhaps, the reason why I hadn’t felt peace and love in my heart - even though I had  said, time and again, to my loved ones, “Hey, I love you for what you are” – is because I hadn’t loved myself for what I was when I was with my loved ones!”

Yes, I have to love myself – feel the love in my bosoms… in my loved ones’ presence even though they seem to keep pressing every wrong button in me and love watching the fireworks!

“To like me is not your job… It’s mine,” says Byron Katie, “Seeking love keeps you from the awareness that you already have it—that you are it.” 

Mrs. Katie’s book – ‘Loving What Is’ – or her famous healing programme ‘The Work’ (based on simple and straight four questions) – yes, they did not emerge from nothing… They have emerged from her own life story. I strongly recommend you read this book and watch some of her powerful videos…  And, here, I wish to end my Post with one of her most profound statements:

“When they attack you and you notice that you love them with all your heart… your ‘Work’ is done.” 

GERALD D’CUNHA

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MUTHU KODI KAWARI HADA

Image
Pic.; Ashwin Mohta M y Hindi was always bad. It still is. One reason for this was, that they introduced Hindi for us only in 6 th standard. Or, was it in 8 th ? I don’t remember… I only remember struggling to write and read… leave alone speak! But, I loved Hindi movies, and, strangely, I could understand the dialogues and the lyrics of the songs… I used to sing those songs (of course when no one was around me!) as if I was the lyricist… One of the songs was a very funny one. ‘Muthu Kodi Kawari Hada’. It was from Mehmood’s super-hit comedy – ‘Do Phool’. I was a 15-year-old high-school boy when I had heard that song (not watched the movie). I could grasp the meaning of two words – ‘Muthu Kodi’… which meant ‘Give kiss’… But, what ‘Kawari Hada’ meant, I have no clue till date! It was just like ‘Why this kolaveri di’... Yes, why ask? Simply enjoy the beats… And, the beats are great… The rest... Who cares? Really! So, whatever bit of Hi...
Read more

SELLING MIRRORS IN THE CITY OF THE BLIND

Image
“I laugh when I hear that the fish in the water is thirsty. I laugh when I hear that people go on pilgrimage to find God.” - Kabir T here is a universal human weakness – and it dates back to the days of fallen civilizations – and it is: to place people on pedestal and trying to be smothered by them, feel loved and protected in their company… worship them as mentors, heroes,  gurus, Mahagurus and Satgurus… Make these mortals larger-than-life cut-outs, worship them as flawless, pure and give one’s all… And, then, ‘take’ everything from them blindly as divine… Give everything to them blindly… Eventually, what happens is:  one more dangerous bondage… What was supposed to free you now becomes a new prison… It’s sad to see this happen! T his room, where I am writing this Post, has no image of any deity. I have no image of any Guru or Master around me… My question is: “Am I not able to feel close to Almighty God?  How ...
Read more

"HAPPILY EVER AFTER IS NOT A FAIRY-TALE... IT IS A CHOICE"

Image
“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone… It has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.” – Ursula K. Le Guin,  The Lathe of Heaven T welve years ago, when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got married, the world began to hail the couple as ‘Brangelina’. It became a fashion for couples around us to call themselves so… Norbert and Teresa renamed them as ‘Noresa’…  Amol and Vishaka baptized their relationship as ‘Amoshka’… and, Salman and Nargis became ‘Salgis’! I and my wife, too, got tempted to re-christian our matrimonial relationship as ‘Germa’... That is, Gerald and Anima, to be precise! B efore I proceed any further, let me make it very clear, here… that, I have no business to judge on the break-up of Brad Pitt and Angelina’ Jolie’s marriage. I have no inclination to go into why, how, what when etc behind it… The couple ‘chose’ to split. And, it’s their choice… Only they know how good or bad… how joyful or pain...
Read more
THE WILD, WAYSIDE FLOWERS
There is, always, something extra-ordinary in the wild, wayside flowers...