THE SUFFERING IN PARADISE












Pic.: Anima D'Cunha


“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as
 you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—
the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, 
that you’re suffering in paradise.” 

- Byron Katie in ‘Loving What Is’

“I love you for what you are.”  Have I said this to my loved ones – my wife, son, friends, students, colleagues and many others around me?

Yes, I have… Time and again.

But, then, have I understood the deep meaning of this line whenever I have said it?

I doubt, I have… To be honest, ‘No’, I haven’t.

This morning, I said it again…

One of the things I detest – rather hate – my wife doing to me happens in the mornings when I am in a frantic hurry to leave home… I do not want her to irritate me, nag me, play her broken record… press the button of my irritation and stress… when a dozen conflicting thoughts race through my mind and cloud it and I crave for cooling me down… That’s the time, I expect my wife not to add more clutter… and I have told her that a hundred times, in hundred different ways, including by going boom, boom ballistic!

Ha, ha, ha… My wife seems to love that sight… me going boom, boom ballistic!!!

And, today morning, the Sun must’ve come up from the South! My dear wife was at it, all over again… and, I found myself saying, “Come here sweetheart…  I swear, I love you for what you are!”

“You should,” my wife reciprocated!


“Peace doesn't require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.”  Byron Katie tells us in her famous book – ‘Loving What Is’. She further says, “Our parents, our children, our spouses, and our friends will continue to press every button we have, until we realize what it is that we don't want to know about ourselves, yet… They will point us to our freedom every time.” 

Actually, how simple and uncomplicated peace and love are!  Yet, they don’t seem to be… Peace and love both elude us like mirage in a desert… We seek love and peace outside, not inside our hearts!

One of Roy Croft’s poems opens with the line:

“I love you,
Not only for what you are…
But, for what I am
When I am with you.”

Perhaps, the reason why I hadn’t felt peace and love in my heart - even though I had  said, time and again, to my loved ones, “Hey, I love you for what you are” – is because I hadn’t loved myself for what I was when I was with my loved ones!”

Yes, I have to love myself – feel the love in my bosoms… in my loved ones’ presence even though they seem to keep pressing every wrong button in me and love watching the fireworks!

“To like me is not your job… It’s mine,” says Byron Katie, “Seeking love keeps you from the awareness that you already have it—that you are it.” 

Mrs. Katie’s book – ‘Loving What Is’ – or her famous healing programme ‘The Work’ (based on simple and straight four questions) – yes, they did not emerge from nothing… They have emerged from her own life story. I strongly recommend you read this book and watch some of her powerful videos…  And, here, I wish to end my Post with one of her most profound statements:

“When they attack you and you notice that you love them with all your heart… your ‘Work’ is done.” 

GERALD D’CUNHA

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