‘Sorry’ is a magic word. We try to inculcate this value – this lesson – in the hearts of little children. What happens when these children grow up? Does ‘Sorry’ continue to be a magic word?
This morning, I had an ‘opportunity’ to deal with two giant egos. One of a man and another of a woman… both highly educated and in their mid-fifties. Amazing thing was: we have been having a wonderful, long relationship!
I was talking to them on different issues, this morning. Strangely, I got to observe how I was getting dragged into an ego-trip simply because both of them had taken a strong position. One option for me was: to acknowledge their position – the stand – and respect it, however different it was from mine… Even if it meant swallowing my pride… which, for a moment, also seemed like humiliation… The other option for me was to try my best to dislodge them from their positions… prove them wrong and prove me right… and, thereby, run the risk of ruining our long-standing relationship…
Frankly, it was not easy to concede. I did vehemently argue… first, assertively and then, angrily, even. But, when I realized that I was about to climb the tiger’s back… I calmed down… said, I concede…
Was it my helplessness or was it my choice? Did it make me weak or did it make me strong?
Every ego-trip is a path of self-destruction. I have been there, done that… some times. However, the frequency has drastically come down… I do get into heated arguments, at times… But, the moment I realize that it is getting stretched from my end, I give up the rubber-band!
I have no control on the other person’s behavior. I do not even know if he wants our relationship to grow or get destroyed. But, this much I know: If I don’t concede, both would get destroyed. If I do concede, the chances of I surviving are more!
This morning, when I said in the thick of the ‘tension’… “Okay, I concede,” what I actually said was “I not only value myself, I value our relationship more than my need to defeat you, dislodge you… destroy and humiliate you.” I am conscious, that to concede in an ego-battle, one needs a healthy self-esteem… Gaur Gopal Das, the dynamic teacher of ISCON, puts it brilliantly in one of his talks on EGO:
“All that we need to say is: “Tera gadha aage, mera ghoda peeche.”
As simple as that.
Pic.: Shraddha Sachdev