WATCHING MY FEARS FADE AS FAITH BREAKS THROUGH





















“Faithless is he that says farewell
when the road darkens.” 

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

I am always aware of the first thought that dominates my mind as I wake up in the morning. It’s more than a year now since I started getting out of the bed at 5 in the morning… Yes, those early hours - when I am not disturbed by people around… when I am able to feel the softness and mortality of my skin… the quiet, gentle movement of my breath… the chirping of birds, the darkness which is all set to dissolve in a while… Yes, those early hours are blissful. I am able to feel ‘alive’ only in my solitude…

But, the first thought that dominates me?

I am a human… and, I have my fears and anxieties. So, often, the thoughts that dominate my mind early in the morning are not pleasant ones… “What if this happens?” and “What if that happens?”… Yes, I do get these thoughts early in the morning as I open my eyes…

Can’t I stop them from coming?

I have tried and failed!

At times, the negative thoughts involve people who hurt me, torture me and I do feel angry about them… I feel like getting even with them… Treat them back with their own medicine…

But, all these thoughts come and go as I watch them, standing aside… When light comes, the ghosts go!

I am an ever-evolving soul… and, I will have to deal with all my thoughts as and when they come – the happy ones and the sad ones, the jubilant ones and the crest-fallen ones. I do ask God to help me live 'with out' these thoughts… But, then, despite my prayer, when these thoughts come, I simply accept His will, saying, ‘Thy will be done’!

Yes, Harivansh Rai Bachchan’s advice to his illustrious son echoes in my heart:
“Man ka ho toh achha… Na ho toh aur achha.”

If what I receive is what I desire, it is good… If not, it is even better…

Who am I to challenge or change the Divine Will?

Certainly, my Life has more to celebrate than to crib about… I am more fortunate than unfortunate… I still have my hands and legs, eyes and ears… I still have love, courage and compassion in my heart… I am still able to breathe, feel, dream and thank…

So, it’s not what comes to my mind first as I open my eyes… It’s what I do with my eyes open that determines whether or not I am a good human…

Some things, therefore, are beyond my control. I only ask God to grant me the serenity to accept them…  In that silence alone, I am able to truly conclude, that, ‘All things happen for a reason… and, they happen for my good.”

I have been down with a bad cold and cough for a few days now… It’s very cold outside… It’s difficult to go for my morning walks in this condition. So, here I am – walking through the twilight lanes… watching my fears dissolve as faith breaks through!

The darkness is fast fading!



GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.: Suyog Surte


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