IT TAKES COURAGE TO DROP THAT MASK















“We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them
without removing some of our own skin.” 



A year ago, Ravish* had joined our P.D. programme and found it extremely useful to him. Ravish had enrolled for a MBA programme and suddenly realized that he needed to deal with his stage fear and lack of self-confidence.

I have always noticed this: when you ‘realize the need’ to do overcome your deficiencies, you, invariably, do. So, Ravish did exceptionally well during our programme; and, once it was over, he moved to another city to pursue his MBA programme.

Last evening, Ravish’s mother called up. “Sir, this is not regarding my son,” she said at the outset, “this is about me… I wanted to discuss with you a problem that I have been struggling with.”

I made Ravish’s mother feel comfortable to talk. We spoke nearly for twenty minutes over the phone. She said, “Right from my early school days, I had been excellent in academics. I always stood out during my Computer Engineering days and MCA as well. I got a great campus placement and I went on to become a Vice President in my organization. Just as in academics, in my profession, too, people always thought I was brilliant… I, always, knew what people around me thought of me and tried to live up to their expectation… I had to make regular presentations in office… and, though I dreaded it inside, I kept motivating myself with positive self-talk ‘I can do it,’ ‘I can do it.’ Somehow, the fear and anxiety remained at the deeper lever, but I survived. A strange thing, however, had been bothering me: Why am I not willing to reveal my weak side to others? Why am I trying to live by others’ expectations, that I am bold, fearless and flawless?”

Ravish’s mother continued, “I also love singing. We have a recreation club in our office, where some forty of us regularly gather. As my office colleagues know I love singing, they expect me to sing at our gatherings.  But, I am not at all my natural self when I hold the mike to sing… Despite all my positive self-talk, I find myself with this inner conflict. I love singing… I want to sing… but, I feel ‘forced’ and stressed.”

Sometimes, the best help you can offer someone who is in distress is a very kind ear. You do not need to question too much, you do not need to analyze and judge too much… All that you need to do is: Listen with a kind heart… which, last evening, I did when Ravish’s mother opened up before me… “Sir, is it because, I have been scared to reveal my weak side?” she asked me.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, without even blinking, “You just need to remove that mask of being bold, fearless and flawless. It’s okay to be weak… It is okay to be fearful… and it is okay to be flawed.” I quoted Rick Warren: “Wearing a mask wears you out. Faking it is fatiguing. The most exhausting activity is pretending to be what you know you aren’t.”

“How can I do the unmasking, sir?” asked Ravish’s mother sincerely.

“Instead of ‘psyching' yourself with ‘I can… I can,” try to empower yourself with an earnest plea to the Universe, “I need help… Guide me; give me strength and wisdom… That’s a prayerful attitude, which means, you don’t try to control the situation… You allow yourself to be a great instrument of Higher Power. Let go, and let God in.”

It is difficult to do away with our masks till we do not accept and acknowledge our flaws gracefully, with humility. We do not have to be strong always, and, we do not have to live other people’s scripts. “Ma’am, the next time you hold the mike in your hand, just tell everyone, that you are dying to sing even though you feel terribly nervous and scared… If they are your true friends and well-wishers, they would love you cheer for you, anyway. Remember, you don’t have to be ‘outstanding’ when you sing your heart out for simple joy. It takes courage to drop that mask… The weight of distress will drop on its own.” I concluded, quoting Alan Moore: ‘You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it’.”

There was a long pause, before I heard from the other end, “Thank you so much, sir.”

* Name changed


GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.: Chetna Shetty

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