LOVE AND RELIGION
“Give
your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For,
only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.”
Kahlil
Gibran in ‘The Prophet’
(First
published in1923)
A dear
friend of mine, after her marriage has been living in one of North Indian states
for close to thirty years. She has two grown up daughters. Almost every member
in the family is well-educated. They are financially well-off, as well.
Three nights
ago, I saw this message in my inbox sent by this friend:
“Will marriage of
a Hindu girl with a Christian boy be successful - if girl’s parents are not ready
for it and don’t agree for inter-community marriage? They are least ready to
support. A similar family-situation has come up for my niece. Wanted to get a
realist opinion on this. Do major conflicts arise in inter-community marriages
from your experience?”
It’s sheer
co-incidence, that this anxious message had come to me against the backdrop of Tanishq-ad
controversy?
When two young
adults decide to love each other, it is a decision of two responsible,
independent and grown-up individuals. It’s for them to decide what is good for
them. The parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts – the family and the society,
the priests and High priests – what have they go to do with this?
Sadly, it seems,
they not only have a lot to do with it… it seems, they have everything!
I am, by
religion, a Roman Catholic and married to a Roman Catholic wife. So, when we
decided to tie the knot, some thirty-one years ago, did we seek a guarantee or
surety about the success of our marriage for the rest of our lives… just
because we belonged to the same religious denomination?
Like every other
couple in this world, my wife and I had, have and will have a hell-lot of bumpy
travel to do. But, then, as others do, we, too, try to navigate and maneuver… We,
too, scream, swear, cry, sulk, worry, wonder, pray… and, finally, choose to ‘work
it out’…
Because, we love…
Because, we believe, that in ‘working it out’ lies our true marital growth.
Other’s
experiences simply don’t matter here. My immediate families have ample number
of inter-faith marriages. And, they have gloriously lasted for decades… Of course,
despite the familiar bumpy roads. Like us, who married within our own faiths,
they, too, had to decide whether to let their religions or their love to
determine the success of their marriages.
My friend had asked
this:
“Will marriage of
a Hindu girl with a Christian boy be successful - if girl’s parents are not ready
for it and don’t agree for inter-community marriage… They are least ready to
support?”
I really found
it difficult to say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to my friend. What are the options left for
the young hearts here, who have been in a relationship for many years?
I dreaded to
imagine… I felt sad for the kind of situation they were in.
I, also, dreaded
to imagine… what if the couple had decided for a live-in relationship? What if it
was a same-sex relationship? Would the parents, relatives and the society be ‘ready
to support’?
Are we ready?
Whose life is
it, anyway?
GERALD D’CUNHA
Pic's.: pixabay
Video: PoetrySpoken.com
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