Gerald D'Cunha

  “You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.” John Steinbeck   E mpathy, it is said, is not a noun, it’s a verb... It’s a word in action. As a teacher of college students, I tend to get impatient quickly... When students struggle to answer, yes, I tend to forget, that I, too, struggled to answer once; often, I was worse than how I find my students now... Ditto is the case when it comes to parenting. Do you and I expect too much and too fast – and too good – from our young children. And, how cooly we forget, that we didn’t live at all up to our parents’ expectations! And, yes, the same impatience is very, very visible at work place, even. When we be come bosses, we forget our days as beginners... Days as novice, filled with many mistakes... It’s often said, that employees don’t quit their companies; they quit their bad bosses – the ones who lack empathy, if I were to paraphrase that... W hen I migrated to Mumbai in October, 1979, I had carri...

  “Some days, there won’t be a song in your heart...                                                     Sing anyway.”         Emory Austin   F inally, my wife and I decided to watch ‘Kantara – The Legend... Chapter 1’ in one of the local multiplexes. A couple of days ago, our son insisted, that we should watch it in NMACC’s IMAX screen to get the full movie-experience. But, my wife and I were against that idea, and, finally, last afternoon, without pre-booking our seats, we both landed at the ticket counter of a local multiplex. “Sorry Sir, all sold out,” the young man at the counter said. Helplessly, we called our son. “Let me check,” within in minutes, our son booked online at IMAX Wadala (Now, Miraj Cinemas)... We reached there an hour before... When the movie started, it was a full-house! A s I ...

  “There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; two, that you can boast about it (on Goodreads).” Bertrand Russell   A week ago, a friend of mine, who lives in London, messaged me saying, that she wanted to send a good book for my wife to read as she (my wife) was recovering from her two back-to-back angioplasties. Without checking with my wife, I wrote my preference: ‘Mother Mary Comes To Me’ by Arundhati Roy (Penguin Random House)... Only after the book arrived home, my wife learnt about what my   London friend and I had agreed upon... My wife was disappointed – not with the book, but with the ‘acclaimed’, 'Bestselling' author and the Booker Prize winner... “Whatever that is, I don’t care,” my wife blasted, “I don’t like her.” Period. ‘Mother Mary Comes To Me’ (374 pages) was destined to be my cup of tea. I had already heard about the storyline, through several rounds of promotional interviews. So, it became easy for me to navigat...

  “If I am sincere today, what does it matter if I regret it tomorrow?” Jose Saramago Blindness   Y es Sir... The grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence. To that, we hear a correction: “No Sir... The grass will always be greener on the side where it is watered more and tended with more care.” Amen... No matter whichever side of the fence we all stand – married, unmarried, divorced and single, widowed and single... gay or straight... Live-in or live-out .... Employed or self-employed... yes, whichever side of the fence you and I stand, there is a deep desire in us to stretch our necks and look at the other side – “Oh, that side which is so greener!” I am married for 34 years... Happily married? Or, do I envy this thirty-five-year-old man, who answered with a mischief: “No, I am happy.” I had asked him, “Are you married?” It was some twenty-five years ago. I met him a week ago and repeated the old question: “I am still happy,” he answered...

  “Judging others does not define who they are. It defines who we are.” Kristen Stewar t Y es, agreed – in the latest KBC episode, this 10-year-old kid, Ishit Bhatt, sounded overconfident... Rude and arrogant – okay, agreed... But, the kid paid a price for it, right? 83-year-old Legend showed a lot of grace and magnanimity to this kid even though he must have been a lot irritated, even angry. But, little boy Ishit was, more than anything else, only what he was – an over excited kid... And, alas! I saw the whole world going after this little kid, and even his parents... The kid sat on the ‘hot seat’... and, the world sat on the ‘judgement seat’... See the relentless posts and read the deluge of comments – yes, from random people - Toms, Dicks and Harrys... Pathetic, damaging, brute... insensitive... To me, the kid wasn’t a loser in this episode... the random roadside commentators are. The kid and his parents will take many years to get over the disappointment, pa...

  “When you bring the light into your dark house, that’s when you see the cobwebs and spiders.” OSHO D iwali is just a few days away. The other day, this young kid from class X1, did not turn up to my class. There was no message from him, nor any response to my messages. So, when he turned up for the next session, I asked him, “Why were you absent?”. The boy replied, “Sir, I was busy with Diwali cleaning.” “But, why didn’t you inform me, and why didn’t you respond to my messages?” “Sorry Sir.” No further questions... We moved on... The next morning, the lady, who lives a few floors above my classes, called up... “Sir, you know, Diwali is coming... I am getting my widows cleaned (Read: washed with running water!). Hope you accommodate for twenty/thirty minutes.” “No issues, ma’am,” I said, “Please go ahead.” When you clear the mess in your house for the coming Diwali, beware... you may end up messing up someone else’s. Earlier this lady would not take into acco...

  “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree, but hold hands.” Alexandra Penney   M y Mom passed away, on this day, a year ago. Today, as I write this Post, her memorial mass must’ve just concluded at the local church in our hometown, Mangalore. My wife and I had booked the air tickets some three months ago and we were keen to attend this first memorial mass. But, due to my wife’s health condition, we had to drop our plans ... Mom – we called her ‘Mai’ – lived nearly for ninety years. Except for the last two years, she led a simple yet productive life. She had five sons to raise... I was her second son. Our Dad (we called him ‘baab’ ) died of a sudden heart attack on 2 nd January, 1983. He was 57 and Mom was 48. What I cannot erase from my mind is how fondly our Mom would remind us, her five sons, on Dad’s every death anniversary... “It’s ten years today, since Dad passed away”... “Today, it’s twenty years” “Today, it’s thirty years”... She did that till ...

  “What makes people weak? Their need for validation and recognition,  their need to feel important.  Don’t get caught in this trap.” Paulo Coelho   T he proof of the pudding is in the in the eating. Meaning, your theory – the inspiring words, the positive philosophy, and, even, the most sincere love and trust – yes, in the end, it doesn’t matter much... The final outcome, the result – it does. No matter in how many ways I try to tell a parent, “Your kid will do well in life, please relax,” – the parent wants the kid to do well in the ‘exams’ in hand... This means, if the kid shines in the exams in hand, the kid will shine in life, as well... I want to see the result – now...  I want to taste the pudding – now... I want the proof. From my years of teaching experience, I can safely tell the anxious parents this: Every kid will have to find his own garden and his own time to bloom. Today, he may not catch up with his piers... and, that’s perfectly ...