Gerald D'Cunha

I was helping a group of young boys and girls, today morning, in the art of ‘Group Discussion’. They know why, where and when GDs are held; and, in sessions like ours, they learn how to be effective in this art. Why not to decry another participant, and not to become ‘personal’ during GDs, and, how to tactfully deal with extremely opposite view-points, without sounding either aggressive or submissive – yes, these are some important lessons the young ones learn during our GD sessions. But, what is interesting is this: many of us, including me, do not apply these basic lessons in our day-to-day dealings… at home and with friends, in particular. We can see the way the arguments with our spouses and children go… And, I believe, we almost become immune to it. Why is that the rules of GDs are thrown out of the windows of our personal lives? Maybe, because we take our personal relationships for granted… We know, for sure, that nobody is going to ‘fail’ us or ‘reject...

“Self-esteem is made up primarily of two things: feeling lovable and feeling capable.” - Jack Canfield O n my way to bank, today, I met this man. Some years ago, I had taught his two sons, while they were studying in their Junior College. The man was very worried about their future as they took life casually. He had constant confrontation with both sons, so much, that he had lost total hopes. He was a small-time tailor, and, would, always, tell me, “Even if they become tailors like me, I will be happy; but, they don’t have interest in that, too.” My response used to be uniform: “Don’t worry, sir. They will become serious and do well in life as years roll by. When their self-esteem goes up, everything starts falling in place.” “How are your sons doing?” I asked the man, when I met him, today, “Are you still worried about them?” “No sir, no,” the man quickly held my hand warmly, “Touch wood, they are doing very well… I am very happy...

O ne of the most difficult tasks in life is to stop someone from talking ill about you. In fact, it is impossible to shut someone’s mad-mouth. No matter how good and selfless you are, there will, always, be some around you who think you are the worst creature on this planet… the most dangerous and you deserve to be banished from this land! Now, if I mention here Jesus Christ, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Dalai Lama, I would be surely able to drive home the point: “Look, if they did not even spare these Godly souls, who are you and me to be spared?” But, why look at the Godly souls… Life around us is, always, such: If nine out of ten around you trust you, believe in you… the one out there will think you are not trustworthy and try to brainwash others saying you are so… They will be hell-bent in maligning and defaming you… They will, always, cry for your blood! Who are these guys? Where do they come from? Bullies and criminals… the most selfish and the l...

Pic.: Elaine Pereira I knew a man who had made some easy-money. He suffered from an acute inferiority complex, which he tried to cover-up by going overboard trying to please and impress people around him, particularly, the ones who, he thought, came from educated, well-off and respected families. He had come from obscure background with no education or even ethics... made some big-money taking short-cuts, bought many properties including many fine cars... But, at the end of the day, it did not make him feel, inside, good at all... What he, really craved for was respect from people around him, who he thought were ‘good’ people... But, what he failed to realize was, that he could not win their trust through the route he had chosen to – by showing off his wealth and misplaced sophistication. I remember him taking some of us to his residence to show his 60”-TV when Plasma TV had just come in... showing us, with pride, the Ganesh idol made of pure gold... talking about ...

“If you think, by being sarcastic, you can come about as witty, funny and humorous,” I made it very clear to a young-man, a while ago, “your thinking is wrong.” “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,” I cited an old saying. When we are sarcastic, we are not direct, not open and sincere. We taunt, we hint, we lie and we hold back… Mostly with the intention of making the other person look stupid, feel guilty and small… We do it to shunt him out… by making others laugh at him. And, certainly, that’s not any decent wit or healthy humor. It cuts through the other guy’s vulnerabilities… Like an arrow, it pierces through his heart… That’s why, in psychology, the sarcastic guys are called ‘Snipers’… They indulge in what is known as an ‘indirect aggression’. Often, the sarcastic people, who indulge in indirect aggression, are detested more than the abusive ones, who indulge in direct aggression. At least, we can openly see and clearly hear th...

The need to prove oneself right comes from one’s low self-esteem.  I am excluding, here, the politicians, who debate on the lines of their respective party-ideologies and alliances.  I am talking, here, about you and me… who, often, tend to prove how and why we are right … Well, I will still narrow it down to myself: How and why, often, I tend to prove I am right… If my urge is to prove myself right making the other person feel wrong or stupid, it will not leave in my heart a pleasant experience…  Arguments come from such inner need…  So, before I embark upon any such trip, I have a choice to make: Will the experience make me feel good or bad about myself… Any assertive behavior of mine, which comes from my healthy self-esteem, has to make me feel good about myself… after I have behaved in that manner… On the other hand, any submissive or aggressive behavior of mine, which comes from my low self-esteem, has...

 I am in a mood of writing about dogs, today! Just a while before, I have posted one: ‘A Baby Becomes A Buzzo’. Here is one more. “A dog may bark at the Moon,” my idol, Prof. B.S.Raman had bursted out , one day, angrily , at one of my classmates, “But, the Moon will not lose its shining.” I do not remember the context: Why did he cry so? And, who was that classmate of mine that provoked the outburst, and why? Our village dogs always howled through the night. Sometimes, at the trespassers – both men and beasts - sometimes, at the burglars, and, sometimes, just when the Moon shone, up in the sky, in its full glory! The dogs would simply look to the skies and keep howling, and keep howling! Then, they would feel tired, breathless. The howling would end. They would go to sleep. And, they would open their eyes again, look up and howl, all over again. When the steam was out, they would stop howling and go back to sleep. This would go on and on till someone, w...