Gerald D'Cunha

  “When people will not weed their own minds, they are apt to be run over by nettles.” Horace Walpole   L ast evening, I was talking to the father of one of my eleventh-standard students. The gentleman and his wife, both, hold big positions in the respective companies they work for. My student is their only son. He goes to one of the best colleges in South Mumbai, and he goes for tuitions in his every subject. Apparently, the young man understands all subjects conceptually (including Accountancy, my subject). But, he lacks self-motivation… He doesn’t do any practice at home, comes late for his classes, misses classes regularly, and, for his every flaw, he offers a ready excuse… There is a reason why he does what he does – I mean, he keeps justifying his flaws… That’s what his parents and I are constantly worried about. He has aptitude, but no attitude. “How can we help the boy? How can we motivate him to take self-responsibility towards his studies?” So, when the...

  “Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” John Wooden, basketball player and coach   I just returned from my younger brother Vivek’s house. His daughter Riya’s Class-12 Board-exams have started. She has taken Science. Like all her counterparts, Riya, too, knows the importance of ‘percentage’… That, if she doesn’t score ‘high’, she will not be able to get into what she wants to. She knows, that she has to work hard – burn the candle from both ends… But, I know my brother Vivek and his wife, Hemangi… They are neither helicopter parents, nor marks-maniacs . “Science was your choice… So, make the most of that choice.” … This is what the prevailing philosophy at home is. Thus, Riya is reasonably good… reasonably motivated… reasonably tensed. Not ‘High on anything’… Not at all. Today, when I went into her little gupha – her study room that is – I saw her walls packed with photos, paper-cuttings, timetables, reminders, quotes, pictures of her hero...

“Even a mirror will not show you yourself if you do not wish to see.” Roger Zelazny   W hen I look back and try to trace the exact time when I started taking responsibility for my self-growth, I can see it clearly… It was when I started valuing myself. Till that time, I behaved as though someone else – my parents, teachers, God or my Fate – were responsible for my growth and success in life… Strange it may sound; but, it is true. Many of us simply grow in age; but, we stay mentally dwarf… The sooner we begin to minimize the dependency and take charge for our growth and success, the longer, stronger and wiser we grow in life… “It’s not about your studies;” I found myself drilling into my young students’ skulls, this morning, “it’s about how much you value yourselves.” Certainly, the point seemed to have been made… They were stunned by what they had just heard. But, then, I wasn’t sure, if they had grasped the meaning of those words… After all, every one of them had...

I s it possible for us to stay motivated always? Maybe, it is possible for ‘super humans’. But, for most of us here – humans, I mean – I don’t think it is possible. Oh Yes. To stay motivated ‘most of the times’ – not ‘all the times’ - I think, it is possible. From my own experience, I can say this: Our motivation is, always, linked to our goals… What we desire to achieve… How important for us to achieve it. So, if our goals are not clear and steadfast, desire is not intense and resolve is not strong, our motivation cannot last. Yet, let’s accept it: We are humans… Not super humans. When we face setbacks and when we get wounded, are we not supposed to take a break, step back and spend some time licking our own wounds? I have done that umpteen times. Yes, it’s okay to feel down and depressed… It is okay, sometimes, to doubt our abilities, paths and step back for a while. It is okay to let go our efforts for a while… Just rejuvenate… Lic...

E nthusiasm is not just another word… It’s another name for Life… a clear sign that we are alive and kicking! In our PD sessions, I take a hammer and convey this to our young ones and little ones, alike. Yesterday morning, we had our session from 8 to 10.30. It’s a summer vacation, you see. So, no matter how hard you ‘hammer’ it into the thick skulls of our young ones, some of them – mercifully, ‘some of them’ and not all – find it difficult to be regular or be punctual, or both. ‘Ki farak painda’ … Yes, what difference does it make? So, come as you please… But, you better be prepared to get the hammer, too… Hello, enthusiasm cannot be taught in the classrooms… You better pick it up, from here and there, by being hungry and thirsty in life… “What class is this?” I thunder… “Personality Development, Sir,” they respond… “Personality Development… My foot!” I hammer it hard, knowing well, that ‘My foot’ is not a nice way of ...

“Hey there human! I’am starting something new on my Instagram account and need your contribution. Tell me, what you do when you’re feeling blah/beat-up? Oh! Those days, when getting up feels like a task! Please send a favourite picture of yourself (If you are okay with me  posting it along with the write-up). Thank you so much.” A couple of days ago, Suman, an old-student of mine, now a dear friend, sent this message to me. I read this message during the interval of the latest English movie, ‘Isle of Dogs’. I smiled, and then, just forgot about Suman’s message… But, Suman did not… “Hi Sir!” I saw a message, last night. “Hi Suman, all okay?” I checked. “Yes Sir, all okay,” Suman replied, “I just started this thing on Instagram and wanted to know what you do when you’re having a bad day.” I just saw this reply from my friend, a while ago… It was 5 in the morning… and, I had the topic for today’s ...

Pic.: Azriel D'Souza “M a’am, I wish I could do that,” I told Shashi’s* mom. She spoke to me, this morning, for more than twenty minutes… essentially on only one thing: Why her daughter, my eleventh-standard student, was not able to work hard and score well in the exams. Shashi’s mom is a chronically-anxious mother. I have lost count of the times she has spoken to me on the subject. Shashi isn’t that bad as her mother thinks she is. But, the anxious mother keeps transmitting her anxiety and panic in her young-one’s mind… and, that seems to backfire… Every time Shahi’s mom calls me, I spend all my time calming her down. .. “Ma’am, relax,” I tell her gently, “Shashi will do well.” “How can I relax sir,” the mother reacts, her heart almost broken, “She is not doing well at all.” “Okay, in such situation, I need to relax,” I reminded myself. Then, I asked the mother, “Tell me ma’am, what you want me to do?” “I don’t know sir,” Shashi’s mother voic...

 W hen I am hungry, I look for food; when I am thirsty, I look for water.  Therefore, I can conclude: What motivates me to go and look for food and water are my hunger and thirst inside. The problem always arises when someone ‘forces’ me to take food though I am not hungry and when he insists that I drink water though I am not thirsty. And, what applies to me also applies to him. He will refuse to eat when he is not hungry; he will refuse to drink when he is not thirsty… My force won’t work. No. M any parents meet me or call me and complain: “Sir, why doesn’t my child do any work at home? Don’t you give him homework?”  “I do,” I tell them, “But, he doesn’t do.” “No, no. Sir, be strict with him,” they react, “scold him, punish him… whack him… Think he is your own son. Please feel free.” I laugh. These are smart kids… They come from wonderful families, go to the best schools, they carry a st...