APPROVAL

Pics.: Rajiv Sharma

I narrate an incident – I want their attention;

I crack a joke – I want them to laugh;

I talk seriously – I want them to listen seriously;

I greet ‘good morning’ – I want them to return my greetings;

I smile – I want their smile back;

I invite them to my house –

I want them to invite me, too, to theirs;

I go to church –

I want the Father to notice me, mention my name;

I donate –

I want my name to be announced, printed;

I phone my friend; he says, “Can you please call me, later?” –

I am upset – “Why did he say so?”

I go to buy something from my client’s shop…

He does not give me ‘a special attention’ -

I grumble.

Whenever I say something,

my spouse doesn’t take me seriously -

I burst at her:

“The whole world respects me, adores me… and you?”

What am I expecting from them – my friend, my spouse, my client?

Why am I so upset, so broken over a smile, a thank-you?

Yes, I am a human being; I have my right to my feelings, to be upset…

Fine…

But, am I aware of what’s going on here?

Am I comfortable with it?

Do I want to change, transform my outlook… work on my self-esteem?

Can I change others, their ways, their thinking?

What is my priority?

GERALD D’CUNHA

P.S.:

‘THE COBWEBS’ was one of the popular booklets I had written and published for THE DAWN CLUB in its early years. It was first published in 1991. Once again, what made this book connect with the readers was that it spoke in first person… The passages – some twelve of them - seemed straight from one’s own heart, they sounded like one’s own voice…

This passage – ‘APPROVAL’’ – is one of the popular passages from the book – ‘THE COBWEBS’.