Saturday, January 25, 2014

YES, OUR JUSTIFICATIONS DO NOT CHANGE OUR REALITIES...
















Pic.: Neerja Panchal

  
I think, one of the surest roadblocks on our way to peace is our incessant habit of justifying our actions. We know, very well, that our justifications do not change our realities. Still, we keep on justifying our actions… till the point our hearts are completely depleted of peace…


Our arguments stem from this… When consumed by the obsession to win an argument, at any cost, there is no way we can see the reality, that such winning, invariably, comes at the expense of our peace…


How can we win without defeating – or suppressing - the other person? Most of the time, we allow ourselves to falsely believe that we have won - scored a point - over another person… But, actually, we have only used our powers of position, our authority, just to shut the other person up… If shouting, screaming, bullying, threatening and blackmailing have brought in us the feeling of winning, then, it is time we did a quick reality check!


For, the reality hasn’t changed… The fact that I am still left with turmoil within is a clear indication of that!


Just a week ago, a working student had approached me to teach her the entire S.Y.B’Com syllabus (Correspondence) in the time now left. Because I knew this hard-working student, and because I had helped her to pass the F.Y. B’Com in even lesser time than this, I took up the assignment. The only difference is that when I taught her last year, she had taken a complete break from her work; this time around, she is still working and extremely busy. This means, she is unable to follow through at home the way I expect her to. So, the pressure is felt… 


This morning, my student told me that she was finding it fast and tough to cope up. I was not able to see her point of view… I was still telling her that she had to stretch a little more, stop pitying herself… follow-it-up at home… Yes, I was keeping my pressure on her. I was justifying my actions: why I had to keep up my pace, the pressure…


She began to cry… It was a deluge!


“Oh no!”… I wasn’t able to digest this: the guilt, I mean…


What was my student’s reality?


Her reality was, that she was finding it tough to cope with my speed and urging me to go a bit slow. She was telling me, that it was okay even if I wasn’t able to complete the portion…


What was my reality?


My reality was, that I wasn’t able to see my student’s reality!


So, if peace was important to me, I had to see her view point… and, I had to stop justifying my actions… As late Stephen Covey had said, “I had to first seek to understand her… then seek to be understood by her.”


Better late than never!


GERALD D’CUNHA

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

A very important issue, well-captured. Lata Crasta

Reena Kumar said...

Meaningful!
- Reena Kumar