THERE ARE ONLY TWO KINDS OF TROUBLES IN MY LIFE













Pic.: Chetna Shetty



There are only two kinds of troubles in my life: the troubles, which come without my invitation… and the troubles which I self-invite. The more I look closer at my troubles, the clearer it becomes to me, that, there are no troubles in my life of a third kind!

Troubles, which come in my life without my invitation, are the ones I have no control on… Like the bus or taxi I travel by get knocked off by some drunk-motorist; my house is destroyed in a fire, earthquake or flood;  a major illness of my own or my dearest ones; someone burgles into my house and cleans-up my  treasury; my bank goes bust… or, my children get into some major problems…

Now, though the above troubles might come into my life without my invitation and are beyond my control, I still have a choice over how I react when they come… What I am unable to change or control, I must learn to accept… and, that quiet dignity, that silent grace is the key for my inner peace…

Yes, like everyone else’s life, my life, too, has many such troubles.  But, acceptance doesn’t come easily to me… In the beginning, it is, always, the resistance and denial, blame and self-pity that come and rob me of my peace… And, then, slowly, I learn to come to terms with ‘what is’… the reality… I stop arguing with it, let go… accept. And, silence settles.

On the other hand, there are many troubles in my life, which are there – because I have invited them… through my own choices and decisions. Yes, I can, certainly, do something about them… I can change my behavior… make conscious choices… Learn to assert myself, learn to be objective and less sentimental while dealing with people around me… I can learn not to take others’ troubles upon me… I can learn to manage my money well, eat sensibly, take good rest, exercise, recreate… Above all, I can learn to be less reactive in life…

Yes, the things, which are directly under my control, I should be first able to deal with… As Stephen Covey tells us, the more we focus on these things, our power increases… On the other hand, the less we focus on these things and worry about the troubles that rock us without our control, we lose our strength and end up feeling helpless, victimized and, even, bitter in life…


This morning, I caught myself reacting at someone-else’s’ behavior… It continued for long... and I was feeling the loss of strength… I was feeling hurt and angry. Along with that, there was this feeling of being a victim… Then, all of a sudden – yes, right in the thick of my turmoil – I saw the reality: that, I was focusing on ‘other’s behavior’ and not my own. I, instantly, brought the focus back on mine… how I was reacting to someone else’s behavior… and the story that I made out of it…

And, it was all over!

There are only two kinds of troubles in my life… Only two.


GERALD D’CUNHA


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