THREE LEGS OF THE STOOL CALLED SELF-CONFIDENCE
Pic.: Anima D'Cunha
On 12th
June, 2016, The Dawn Club Centre of Excellence had published its latest book – ‘WHAT
MAKES ME CONFIDENT’. I wish to share with you, in today’s blog, the ‘Afterword’
I had written for this book…
Several
years ago, I found a small book by the title - ‘Changes’. It was a book written
for adolescents and it carried guest articles from some of American icons. All
of them had shared in this book their stories – how they became confident and
successful in life. What I loved the most about this book was the simple imagery
used by the author (Mysteriously, I don’t remember the author’s name… and, I
have failed to get it from every source I have tried) to explain to little-ones
how to be self-confident in life. I loved the imagery so much, that, over all
these years, I have shared it with my own students – both, little-ones and
young-ones. Here is the imagery…
“Self-confidence is like a stool with three legs,” the
author tells in the book, “If any of these three legs is not proper, the stool
will not be proper.”
THE FIRST LEG: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.
It really hit me hard when I first realized, that the
less we complain in life, the less we blame and feel victimized, higher the
chances of becoming stronger and confident. Being reactive to situations in our
lives takes away the power from our souls… Blamers are losers in life… The ‘Poor
me’ – our victim mindset – only keeps us imprisoned in life. Our sad stories
may bring us sympathy… But, they won’t bring us success and confidence. What
brings us success and confidence is our ability to respond to situations in our
lives – the ‘response-ability’. It is being proactive, being in charge... It
comes from the realization – ‘My life is my business’… ‘My success is my responsibility’.
So, the more and more we take charge of the situations in
our lives – the more and more we act responsible, become proactive - the more
and more we become confident… stronger and wiser in life.
Thus, the author, drilled into the tiny heads the simple
truth, that if the first leg of the stool was not okay, their confidence could
not be okay.
THE SECOND LEG: FEEL WORTHWHILE.
How can we feel confident and strong if we do not feel
worthwhile? None of us are good at everything… But, aren’t we all good at
something?
So, the more we become aware of the things we are good
at… we inevitably feel confident in life.
Each one of us has been blessed with a talent or two…
Talents are God-given… they are our natural endowments, our gifts. Some of us
can dance, sing or draw… some of us can play, cook, teach or preach. Earlier we
discover these gifts, the earlier we become confident in life… and, the longer
we enjoy our success.
Our skills are honed by us. When a talent is honed,
polished, fine-tuned under a Master – in a school – it becomes a skill. We all
hone many such skills… some are technical and processional skills, some are soft
skills… Many of them we hone under a Master, in school… and, many we hone on
our own.
In my case, I discovered when I was in my first year of
B.Com, that teaching was my talent… God’s gift. I honed it as a fine skill all
on my own. Slowly, I also realized that writing, too, was my talent… a gift from
God. Again, I began to hone it into a fine skill by expressing myself every day
through my writings…
Our strengths are our strong personality traits which are
positive… Like, in my case…
I can be very punctual… I can be very committed… I can be
very loyal and honest… I can mix with all types of people… I can be very patient…
I can manage with little cash… I am not very fussy about food… I forgive and
forget fast… I make peace… I can resolve conflicts of other people… I can see
the extra-ordinary in the ordinary… I can walk the extra-mile… and so on.
The weaknesses our negative personality traits… Like in
my case, I am weak in money-management… I lose my temper often… I get intense
and serious soon… Humor doesn’t come easily to me… I worry often… even tend to
panic… Take fewer risks to learn new things…
But, I have learnt one thing: When we become aware of our
weaknesses and are willing to overcome them, it is a great strength. It is only
when we keep justifying our weaknesses, that they do more harm to us.
So, the author drilled in the tender skulls the need to
get in touch with their talents, skills, strengths and weaknesses… He explained
to the kids, that the more and more they became aware of what they were good
at… what was special about them… the more and more they felt worthwhile, and
thereby, confident…
Seriously, nobody can feel confident without feeling
worthwhile - good and productive inside.
That is the second leg on which the stool of
self-confidence stands.
THIRD LEG: FEEL APPRECIATED.
Appreciation – the positive feedback – is the food that
nurtures our heart. As kids, we yearned for it… as young and adults, too, we
continue to yearn for it. If we have received sufficient appreciation when we
need it – on our little victories and successes… it is likely that we have
grown to become confident individuals. On the other hand, if we have received more
of criticism and indifference from people who mattered in our lives, it is
likely that we have grown to be less confident.
I always tell my students this: “If we have not been
appreciated and complimented enough by our near and dear ones, and if it has
affected our self-confidence – all that we need to do now is, look back and
smile… be compassionate to those who have been harsh or critical to us… Just
don’t blame, don’t get into self-pity or blame. That very freedom will enable
us to self nurture our hearts… and become more confident…
Even that comes from taking responsibility…
I, also, tell all our little and young-ones this: “What
you can do is – you can appreciate others… give them sincere compliments… thank
them profusely… And, by doing this, you become more and more a ‘giving person’…
You become more confident, stronger and wealthier… The more you give, the more
you receive… What goes around comes around…
Then, I tell them about the inspiring poem by Bruce Barton
- ‘Two Seas’…
River Jordon flows down in two different directions… On
the one side, it joins the Sea of Galilee. The sea of Galilees a generous sea…
It doesn’t keep the water it receives from the river Jordon… Every drop of
water it receives, it gives… So, it constantly flows… Thus, there is life
around it, a great buzz… There are fishes in its water and there are birds up
in the sky… Boatmen go about singing and businessmen go about doing business…
There are townships and people there are prosperous…
On the other side, the river Jordon joins another sea…
This sea is stingy and insecure… It jealously guards the water it receives.
Every drop of water it receives, it hoards with fear…. So, there is no movement
there… Water is still, no fishes live in it… The air above is thick, no birds
fly over there… There are no boatmen, no songs heard… Nobody does business
around it… Nobody lives… This sea is called ‘The Dead Sea’!
What has made this difference? Not the river Jordon. She
gives her water, in equal measure, to both the seas… One gives it away, generously
and prospers… while the other hoards and stagnates…
The poem ends with these inspiring lines…
“There are two
kinds of people in this world…
“There are two
seas in Palestine.”
God gives all of us in equal measure... just as river
Jordon does. The best way to feel empowered - strong and confident - in life is
by giving to others what we receive from God… Yes, by contributing.
We cannot contribute and feel weak at the same time.
Never!
GERLAD D’CUNHA
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