CALL ME FRANK
An aunt of my mom – mom’s mom’s sister – was
brought to Bombay, by one of her uncles, when she was barely 11. So, as years
rolled by, she lost contact with her family in Mangalore. Her children,
grandchildren and great grandchildren all got disconnected with their relatives
in hometown.
Recently, one of mom’s cousins, from this particular
family branch, got in touch with me. He was very keen to reconnect with all his
relatives from my mom’s side. Thus, we decided to meet here at my place, last
week.
Mr. Frank Furtado is my mom’s cousin’s name.
He is in his seventies… but is good-looking and healthy. We both felt very
happy meeting each other. He had many interesting stories to share with me; all
of them he had heard from his mother when she was alive…
“Call me Frank,” my mom’s cousin told me
during the course of our conversation… I was addressing him as ‘Sir’.
“Well, that won’t be possible for me, Sir,”
I sincerely confessed, “It’s not in my nature to call you by your name.”
“Same here, with me, too,” my mom’s cousin
said, “even though I just encouraged you to call me by my name.”
We finally settled for ‘Uncle’… My mom’s
cousin was quite happy with that!
Some thirty-five years ago, when I was
relatively new to this city, a young friend of mine, who was then studying in First
Year BA in St. Xavier’s College, had invited me to attend a programme in the
famed college. While he was taking me around the corridors, I heard him
greeting, “Hi Joe,” “Hi Denzil,” “Hi John,” and so on…
Joe, Denzil and John, I learnt, were all my
young friend’s ‘Jesuit professors’, who wore layman’s clothes!
It was the first time I was getting a kind
of culture shock. I spent an hour arguing with my young friend as to why it
wasn’t a proper way of going about…
Well, I lost the argument, that day… But, I
did gain a very valuable insight: ‘My focus should be not on how to address the
other person; the focus should be on how sincerely I should respect him!’
Ever since that day, whenever I find some of
my own students, who once addressed me as ‘Sir’, now addressing me as ‘Gerry’,
I don’t feel offended or shocked at all. At least, when they were my students,
they did not call me by my name in ‘my corridors’. So, I still cannot fathom fully how my young
friend, years ago, coolly kept calling his own Jesuit professors by their first
name, as though they were his classroom buddies!
I have not checked this out with others… I
don’t want to. If both the parties are fine with it, so be it!
We do not encourage our little kids to call
their Nursery and Primary school-teachers as
‘Mary’, ‘Juliet, ‘Pooja’ etc. “Say Miss,” we teach them. If it a male
teacher, it is always ‘Sir’. For High School and college teachers, it is always ‘Ma’am’
and ‘Sir’.
We do not encourage our children to call our
religious priests and teachers by their first name… It is always ‘Brother’, ‘Father’,
‘Swamiji’, ‘Guruji’, ‘Master’ etc. If it s a woman, it is always ‘Sister’, ‘Mother’
etc...
No matter how high we rise in life, or how old, my
father will always be a ‘Dad’, ‘Papa’ or, as I call him in Konkani, ‘Baab’.
And, my mother will always be ‘Mom’, ‘Mamma’ or, as I call her in Konkani, ‘Mai’.
I can never ever bring myself to call them,
one fine day, "Hi Alex" or “Hi Celine”!
Ditto will be for my grandparents, uncles,
aunts, and brothers, sisters, and cousins who are older… Ditto for my teachers,
bosses and various officials, even if they are much younger in age… I just cannot
bring myself to call them by their name. If I do, it will be only with a
suitable Prefix: Mr., Mrs., or Miss.
But, then, I am not trying to demean
anyone’s way of going about it. If it is
culturally fine, so be it… If it is fine with both the parties, so be it.
It all started with my mom’s cousin, who is
much older than me, nudging me, last week, “Call me Frank.” He is my ‘uncle’, you see.
Therefore, I like it that way… The old-fashioned way. We both are not only
happy about it, now… we are at peace, too!
GERALD D’CUNHA
Pic.: Pradeep Nanda
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