THE LOVE UNDER MY PILLOW
I
become very nostalgic and emotional when I attend the engagement and wedding
ceremonies. My eyes well up, heart gets choked up… and, all this happens
involuntarily as I stand there, in the crowd, and witness two young hearts
exchange their engagement or wedding rings…
Yesterday, Shelton, my
wife’s nephew, got engaged to his sweetheart, Melita. They both flew down from
the US to get engaged here in Mumbai. Fr. Donald, an uncle of Shelton, officiated
the engagement ceremony. “My dear friend, a ring has a deep meaning,” Fr.
Donald said, “It’s a circle… It has no beginning and no end… Love has no
beginning and no end… God has no beginning and no end.”
I had heard those words
from Fr, Donald many times before, when he had blessed the engagement and
wedding rings of many others in our family. Touch wood, all the marriages have
withstood the rough weathers… Love has triumphed… The rings have protected the
couples… yes, in their good times and bad times, in their health and sickness.
A ring around your
finger or a Mangalsutra around your neck, don’t just convey that “I am married’
or ‘I am not available’. Most of us know that very, very well. My wife and I
got engaged on 9th March, 1990 and got married on 11 May 1991. Yes,
we, too, had exchanged rings and I had most lovingly decorated my wife with a
Mangalsutra (we called it a ‘Kariamani’ in Konkani). Touch wood, our marriage,
too, has withstood the tests and storms… We, too, have understood the meaning
of love through our good times and bad times, through our health and sickness.
But, surprisingly,
both, my wife and I, have never worn – maybe, barring the initial one week or
so - our matrimonial rings or Mangalsutra! It has not made us less committed to
our marriage. For, we both have realized, that it takes a lot more ‘deeper inside’
than the ‘outside symbols’ to remain faithful to our vows… It’s not our rings
and Mangalsutras alone, that protect us from being unfaithful in marriage or
guard us against the storms… It’s the meaning, the essence and the spirit
behind those symbols do… Yes, as Fr. Donald said.
When the essence of the
symbol is lost, as someone else said - with his tongue firmly tucked in his
cheeks - the wedding rings can end up
being the ‘world’s smallest handcuffs!
Love
has no beginning and no end. Last morning, another teenager nephew of my wife,
who, too has come from the US on a Christmas vacation, gifted my wife with a
lovely relic – the blessed rosary! This young kid had picked some blessed
rosaries for his grandparents, parents and aunts when, some months ago, he had been
to Vatican on a school trip. My wife was excited… “I am going to place this
under your pillow tonight,” she lovingly said, “It will guard you against those
bad dreams you get in your sleep!”
I said nothing to my
wife… She faithfully, and with all her love, placed the blessed rosary under my
pillow, last night…
Did I get bad dreams,
last night?
Oh yes, I did!
But, I have not lost
faith in the essence of the blessed rosary, nor in the wedding rings… more
importantly, in Love!
GERALD D’CUNHA
Pic.: Rashmi Sondhi/Jatinder Sondhi
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