THE LOVE UNDER MY PILLOW














I become very nostalgic and emotional when I attend the engagement and wedding ceremonies. My eyes well up, heart gets choked up… and, all this happens involuntarily as I stand there, in the crowd, and witness two young hearts exchange their engagement or wedding rings…

Yesterday, Shelton, my wife’s nephew, got engaged to his sweetheart, Melita. They both flew down from the US to get engaged here in Mumbai. Fr. Donald, an uncle of Shelton, officiated the engagement ceremony. “My dear friend, a ring has a deep meaning,” Fr. Donald said, “It’s a circle… It has no beginning and no end… Love has no beginning and no end… God has no beginning and no end.”

I had heard those words from Fr, Donald many times before, when he had blessed the engagement and wedding rings of many others in our family. Touch wood, all the marriages have withstood the rough weathers… Love has triumphed… The rings have protected the couples… yes, in their good times and bad times, in their health and sickness.

A ring around your finger or a Mangalsutra around your neck, don’t just convey that “I am married’ or ‘I am not available’. Most of us know that very, very well. My wife and I got engaged on 9th March, 1990 and got married on 11 May 1991. Yes, we, too, had exchanged rings and I had most lovingly decorated my wife with a Mangalsutra (we called it a ‘Kariamani’ in Konkani). Touch wood, our marriage, too, has withstood the tests and storms… We, too, have understood the meaning of love through our good times and bad times, through our health and sickness.

But, surprisingly, both, my wife and I, have never worn – maybe, barring the initial one week or so -  our matrimonial rings or Mangalsutra! It has not made us less committed to our marriage. For, we both have realized, that it takes a lot more ‘deeper inside’ than the ‘outside symbols’ to remain faithful to our vows… It’s not our rings and Mangalsutras alone, that protect us from being unfaithful in marriage or guard us against the storms… It’s the meaning, the essence and the spirit behind those symbols do… Yes, as Fr. Donald said.

When the essence of the symbol is lost, as someone else said - with his tongue firmly tucked in his cheeks -  the wedding rings can end up being the ‘world’s smallest handcuffs!


Love has no beginning and no end. Last morning, another teenager nephew of my wife, who, too has come from the US on a Christmas vacation, gifted my wife with a lovely relic – the blessed rosary! This young kid had picked some blessed rosaries for his grandparents, parents and aunts when, some months ago, he had been to Vatican on a school trip. My wife was excited… “I am going to place this under your pillow tonight,” she lovingly said, “It will guard you against those bad dreams you get in your sleep!”

I said nothing to my wife… She faithfully, and with all her love, placed the blessed rosary under my pillow, last night…

Did I get bad dreams, last night?

Oh yes, I did!

But, I have not lost faith in the essence of the blessed rosary, nor in the wedding rings… more importantly, in Love!


GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.: Rashmi Sondhi/Jatinder Sondhi

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