MY MOTHER STILL RULES MY WORLD

Around 12 in the noon, today, I received a call from my brother, Rony. He has come home (Mangalore) on a short vacation from Kuwait where he works. My parents had five children – all sons, and they were called Pandavas! I was the second son, Bheem (Not as strong as the mighty son of Pandu, though!). Rony was the fourth son, Nakul. Pandu, our dad, is no more… Mom, at 84, is still around (She lives with my eldest brother, Fanky’s family); and, she is very alert and alive as she always used to be. Her physical health is a lot better than many other mothers of her age (Touch wood!). She is extremely pious; and, she is very fond of her immediate and extended families. Whenever I call her from Mumbai to enquire about her, before I ask, “How are you, mom”, I end up hearing from the other end, “Koso asai putha”…. Translated from Konkani, “How are you, son?”

Though our mom is fond of all her five sons, she, always, had an extra soft-corner for me and Rony. I think, that is normal with majority of mothers who have multiple children. My wife and I have only one son. So, by default, he ‘gets it all’ from both of us. If we had many, like our parents had, probably, we, too, would have had our ‘favourites’…

Well, I am just guessing. Please forgive me if I am wrong. And, I earnestly plead guilty before my three other brothers. (They, by now, are quite immune to this ‘partiality’, though!)

This noon, when Rony had called, he wanted me to talk to our mom. He had taken her for some regular health check-ups. (He, always, does that on his every home visit.) On the way back home, he had taken mom to one of Mangalore’s famous ice-cream parlours. Mom loves, occasionally, such simple pleasures. Rony had posted a picture. Mom looked fresh… healthy and happy!

(Mom posing with her ice-cream)

I thanked Rony for being there around her. In fact, my eldest brother and his wife are to be thanked the most. It was our collective wish, that mom should live with our eldest brother’s family; because, that is where she feels at home… That’s where she had raised all of us. So, the maximum portion of her blessings should belong to them. The rest of us deserve only the remaining portion!

“I will pray for you,” has been one of mom’s typical expressions… Yes, she prays for all her five sons and their families...

And, do we – her sons and our families – do the same for her?

It is said, “Mothers do not retire; and, they do not receive any pension.” If, at 84, a mother is alert and alive, I think, that’s her real pension. And, if one of her sons can take her around to indulge in an ice-cream, that’s a bonus!

A week ago, one night, I received a call from a lady. “Sir, my name is Prema. My two daughters had attended your Personality Development programme many years ago. I have five daughters and they are all well-settled abroad, I help my husband in his business. I keep myself busy all the time with several activities. I am 60, now. I did my basic education from a small village in Karnataka. My medium was Kannada. As my parents got me married at an early age, I couldn’t study beyond tenth standard. Though, over the years, I have learnt to speak in English, my discomfort and lack of confidence, always, plays on my head. My daughters have been encouraging me to seek your help. Even my husband has been encouraging me. Can you help me, Sir?”

The very next day, we took off with customized learning programme of 15 sessions. Frankly, I do not have to do much. This woman – a mother of five married-daughters and a well-involved wife of a businessman-husband – already has in her what it takes to succeed in any goal – definite clarity, burning desire, strong commitment, and, the most precious of all – persistence and humility.”

“Ma’am, English is not your problem… You speak fairly well,” I told Prema, “You just need to learn how to dissolve your self-doubts and fears.”

What self-doubts and what fears?

The most fundamental fear that holds back all of us from expressing ourselves fully is the fear of public opinion - “What may others think?”

Well, many of us may brush aside this observation, saying, “I am not worried about what others may think of me.”

But, if we scratch a little more, we all do… Only the degree differs.

And, unless we look straight in the eye of this fear – fear of public opinion, we will eternally hold ourselves back from expressing fully, sincerely and authentically.

Thus, the first thing I do with others is what I did with myself – let my fear and self-doubts dissolve. I remind, over and over again, that we have nothing to prove to any one… and, we just need to let ourselves be!

Since she joined, Prema has been writing about herself, her parents, husband and daughters without holding herself back. When she writes about the role her husband has played in her life, when she recalls how, despite his struggles, he was determined to make his five girls aspire for fine education abroad and, thereby, for fine professional positions… when she writes about his continuous encouragement for her to explore new interests in life… you can see the love, respect and reverence, which, we rarely get to see. When she writes about her daughters’ role in her personal evolution… when she reflects on their resolve to study abroad on scholarship, get into high positions in some of the finest global organizations… yes, you can feel the silent pride of a mother!

Today, Prema was writing about her idol, her mother. She narrated, that her mother was a simple woman with no education. But, she (her mother) got married, at the age of 14, into a well-off and progressive family. She wrote, that her mother, at 75, was alert and alive. She described as to how loving and caring her mother was, yet how strict and disciplinary. Prema wrote, that, with this kind of love, care and firmness, later, she was able to raise her own five daughters and prepare them to face life…

“The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world,” Prema concluded her piece on her mother, her idol, “My mother still rules my world!”

And, may I conclude the same way, “My mother still rules my world”

Five sons of my mother and five daughters of  Prema… Yes, I am sure, the same way, all will conclude!

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pics.: Kenrick D'Cunha/Rony D'Cunha

Video: LineDanceDellas5/YouTube