Gerald D'Cunha

Pic.: Chetna Shetty J ust a while ago, a dear friend of mine called me up. She wanted me to call up one of our common friends to pep her up a bit…”Sir, *Nisha is, once again, going through a low phase… Can you call her up and cheer her up a bit.” I told my friend that the best thing we could do to Nisha, at that moment, was to leave her alone… “She will get over her low phase… She has done it before, and, she will do it now, too.” “But sir, what if she doesn’t get over it this time?” my friend asked me. “Well, ‘What if’ is coming from our own fears… We have to first get over our own anxiety, and over-concern for others,” I told my friend, “Caring for our dear ones is one thing… trying to play a ‘rescuer’ is a different thing altogether… Nobody likes us to be their rescuers… They want us to be by their side, walk quietly with them along the dark tunnel… Too much of talking and pepping only backfires… They resist it… even become angry with us. Trust me, Nisha ...

Pic.: Neerja Panchal A good friend of mine regularly attends self-development workshops. I like that. But, what I don’t like is this: He keeps reminding his friends, including me, to attend some of them. “It is fantastic… You shouldn’t miss it,” he reminds his friends. So much is so good. But, my friend keeps calling you, and reminding you, about the same… and, you really are not interested, not just excited about it. But, he is… “It is great… awesome… just mind-blowing!” No, it doesn’t blow your mind at all… He persists… You resist… My friend really means well for me. So, he wants me to attend the workshop and benefit from it. He doesn’t have any other intention like earning some commission or other gains. Today, when my friend had called me, I told him, “My friend, I am really happy that you found the workshop fantastic… It is really good for you. But, I am not keen to attend it now… Let’s see sometime later.” If ...

If they do not hold up the light when the night is troubled with storm, O thou of evil luck, with the thunder flame of pain ignite thy own heart and let it burn alone! (From Rabindranth Tagore’s poem – ‘Ekla Chalo Re’) I met a lady today. In a few days, her only daughter, who has just married a NRI, will be leaving for UK to settle there with her husband. Some twenty-four years ago, the lady and her husband - who were, then, childless - were dying to have a child. So, they ended up adopting this girl-child and raised her with all the love and affection in the world…gave her the best education… and, now, got her married to, what seemed to be, the best man in the world! Well, that’s a very familiar cycle of life. Whether the child is your-own biological-one or an adopted one, when the time comes, one has to be prepared to give her up… “I remember, all that my husband and I wanted was a girl-child to raise up as ou...

I read Dr. John Gray’s famous classic on relationship – ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’ - some twenty years ago. That was just after a year or so of our marriage. As I was reading this ‘feel good’ book, I could recall experiencing similar feeling reading another such book. But, that was when I was a teenager. Linda Goodman’s ‘Sun Signs’ (and her other books later – ‘Star Signs’ and ‘Love Signs’) had sounded to me as ‘so true’! It seemed that she knew every soul on this planet, and she knew him so perfectly! I was a Leo… When she claimed she loved Leos a lot… whatever she wrote about Leos sounded perfectly right in my case… “Oh Linda, so sweet of you!” I kept praising and thanking the Goddess of Horoscope!   Dr. John Gray’s book on relationship did the same thing to me. “Hey, we men come from Mars and you ladies come from Venus,” I got it straight into my head, “We are differently wired on different things.” So, I kept reading ...

Last evening, during the PD session, a twelfth-standard student was speaking on the topic: “Growing up as only child or growning up with siblings – My stand”.   The young-boy had a wonderful younger-sister and, was quick in taking his stand: Growing up with siblings was a heavenly experience for him. So, he shared with us that… It was really touching. But, what touched me most was the line that he unwittingly coined before us. “My dad is a sailor and for a major part of the year is away from us. So, our mom has to play the role of our dad too,” he told us, “but, she has never been a ‘Helicopter Parent’! I loved that phrase – ‘Helicopter Parent’.  “Do you all know what a ‘Helicopter Parent’ means?” I asked the class, “Have you heard it before?” “No sir,” was the answer. “Where did you find it, dear?” I asked the young-man. “Sir, in our Psychology text book,” the boy, who was in an ISE Board said.  ...

A nother lesson we should teach our children, very early in life, is to celebrate our differences… All sorts of differences. In fact, I am wrong here. This lesson we should learn from our little children! For, children are pure… They are unbiased… Division and hatred doesn’t come to them naturally. It is when they see us talking about division – when they see our prejudiced reactions towards people around us, including the ones within our own families – yes, our children pick them up from us. In my last Post, I had focused on our uniqueness… How God has made each one of us unique, special. I had emphasized how powerful that faith of ours in uniqueness could be. I had called it – ‘The Gospel of Faith’! Today, I wish to focus on the other side of this faith: that, as much as I am unique, special, my fellow-being, too, is… That, I should not only believe in the beauty, strength and power of my own uniqueness, I should believe in h...

When did you last hear the old saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt”? Well, I just used it in my reply to Yojana in her FB message box. When I was just a young-and-raw teacher and had joined a Junior college to teach, I was very self-conscious. No doubt, the young teachers get a massive fanfare… but, in my case, it would make me very scared. Oh that shyness cocoon! I haven’t still come out of it! You know, though we love the kick of limelight and adoration of our fans, at the end of the day, it is only the closeness with our own hearts… yes, that alone we all, seriously, take to bed!  I am very happy to have found, in my early days of teaching, such fabulous colleagues and students. The warmth, support and guidance which I received in those days – my struggling days – were very, very important… I still cherish those memories in my heart… I shall, always, look back on this, with a deep sense of gratitude.  Yojana was a twelfth-stand...