Pic.: Neerja Panchal
A good friend of mine regularly attends self-development workshops. I like that. But, what I don’t like is this: He keeps reminding his friends, including me, to attend some of them. “It is fantastic… You shouldn’t miss it,” he reminds his friends.
So much is so good. But, my friend keeps calling you, and reminding you, about the same… and, you really are not interested, not just excited about it. But, he is… “It is great… awesome… just mind-blowing!”
No, it doesn’t blow your mind at all…
My friend really means well for me. So, he wants me to attend the workshop and benefit from it. He doesn’t have any other intention like earning some commission or other gains.
Today, when my friend had called me, I told him, “My friend, I am really happy that you found the workshop fantastic… It is really good for you. But, I am not keen to attend it now… Let’s see sometime later.”
If my friend still insists, he is into hard-selling. If he respects my decision, and leaves me alone, he is being a good friend…
My friend, today, respected my decision… and, did not push too much.
There were times, I had loved a particual book, video or a movie, and, then, excited about it, I had tried to persuade my son to read or watch it. Remember, here, that my intention was good… I meant well for my son. But, would my son be excited equally?
“Dad, I am glad, you loved the book/video/movie,” my son would respond, “It is really good for you.”
After that, if I said a word more, it would only backfire!
What is good for me, is not necessarily good for my son or my friend. No, not at all. Similarly, what is good for my son or my friend is not necessarily good for me. No, not at all!
Call it ‘space’ in relationship or call it ‘respecting others’ freedom of choice’… whatever, if we are trying to inform, educate, and convince others beyond a certain point, it means we are trying to manipulate them.
Our intentions should be clean. Our actions should come from love, concern and respect. And, so, by all means, we should let our loved ones know what we find good for us… and, we should leave it at that…
If we don’t, we should be ready to face
the tension in relationship.
Whenever someone says, “Good for you,” he mostly means, “I am glad for you!” But, it can, also, mean, “I don’t give a damn!”... or, "Please, leave me alone!"
Yes, it all depends what intentions do we really bear in our hearts!