THE CAVE THEORY
I read Dr. John Gray’s famous classic on relationship – ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’ - some twenty years ago. That was just after a year or so of our marriage. As I was reading this ‘feel good’ book, I could recall experiencing similar feeling reading another such book. But, that was when I was a teenager. Linda Goodman’s ‘Sun Signs’ (and her other books later – ‘Star Signs’ and ‘Love Signs’) had sounded to me as ‘so true’! It seemed that she knew every soul on this planet, and she knew him so perfectly! I was a Leo… When she claimed she loved Leos a lot… whatever she wrote about Leos sounded perfectly right in my case…
“Oh Linda, so sweet of
you!” I kept praising and thanking the Goddess of Horoscope!
Dr. John Gray’s book on relationship did the
same thing to me. “Hey, we men come from Mars and you ladies come from Venus,”
I got it straight into my head, “We are differently wired on different things.”
So, I kept reading
the book over and over again… With the hope that my wife too would read it, and
she too would believe that we both hailed from different planets, now, to come
and live together, here on this Planet Earth, as husband and wife!
After more than
twenty years, some things about Dr Gray’s theory do seem to be so true… Just
like some things about Linda’s Horoscope about each one of us!
In this Post, I wish
to touch upon one basic difference between Men (Martians) and Women (Venusians)
when it comes to dealing with Life’s stressful situations.
Dr. Gray had made the
term ‘Cave’ world famous through his book…
Men, when stressed
out - when attacked, when there is heated arguments - tend to retreat into
their caves. They may bitterly argue or fight; but, normally, they do not stay
put, right there at the volatile spot, and take the argument to its logical
end… They withdraw themselves and walk into their caves… for a while.
Dr. Gray reminds
beautifully that that’s how men are psychologically wired to behave… That, they
need that ‘cool off’ space to think through the issue in proper perspective… He
points that they may walk away to any place – friends, a garage, a movie, some
drinks, pick a book to read, switch on TV or read a newspaper… or, just get
into a stony silence… Whatever and wherever it is, but, Martians do retreat
into their caves when they are stressed out…
And, our beautiful decedents
form Venus, can neither understand this ‘insensitive’ act of Martians nor are
they prepared to believe or accept it. They want to ‘talk’… And, talk now and
talk everything! They just can’t tolerate the stony silence… They feel
abandoned… They fear it, are threatened by it and yes, they are angered by it;
they hate it…
Dr. Gray’s job was to
present his famous theory with the best logic at his disposal. I think, he has
done his job, and done it well. No book on relationship and marriage has been
as popular as his. So, I seriously believe, what he says must be so true…
But then, the proof of
the pudding
lies always in eating it… Isn’t it?
I have been testing
the ‘Cave Theory’ of Dr Gray for over two decades now…
That’s in the Lab
called ‘Marriage’!
GERALD D’CUNHA
Pic.: Gloria Pinto
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--Biswas