BEYOND A BUDDHIJEEVI

When I am attending a Mass inside a church, I can not behave the way I do while watching an IPL match in a stadium. Likewise, I cannot talk with my son’ college Dean as I do with my next-door neighbor… Nor, can I eat in a fine restaurant the way I do in my house. 

There is the social decorum… the convention... the unwritten code of conduct, which demands me to behave at a certain place in a certain manner.

So, these are  Manners and Etiquette. Maybe, plain common sense!

“May I come in sir?” 

“Excuse me.”

“Thank you.”

“I am sorry.”

“My pleasure.”

“It is alright.”

Well, why do we keep saying these phrases? When did we learn them? Who had taught them to us?

Why do we need to compliment others?

Why do we need to thank for every compliment that we receive?

Why should we be careful when we criticize others?

And, how should we deal with when we receive criticism?

Why should I keep pace with others while eating on a table in a restaurant? 

And how can I use the fork, spoon, knife and the napkin?

Why do we wear ‘special clothes’ for special occasions? Can I wear what I wear for my College social for  my Job interview? Or, my wedding dress for some one’s funeral?

Can kids go to school with their night pajamas? Or, can the Swamiji manage with Bermudas? And, yes, the traffic cop with a dhoti?

Well, too many questions to convey: “No, we can not ignore the basic manners and etiquette.”

So, yesterday, my friend, Sonia (Satinder) Oberoi, was conducting the Workshop for our youngsters on ‘Basic Manners and Etiquette’. 

“My dear young friends,” I had told our young students, “You have learnt all these basic things and you know them. Still, Ma’am is here to just ‘remind’ you about these ‘essentials’.” I had added, “In her next session, she would take you to the next level: Professional Etiquette, Body Language and building your image.”

I am 53. But, I still feel it is necessary in life that I should offer a seat to a lady or an elderly person. It is basic courtesy. I still feel it is necessary in life that I should not cut someone when he talks, should not  belittle him in front of others… That, I must hold the door till the one behind me comes in… That, I must quickly apologize when I hurt or offend some one… That, I must wear appropriate clothes for every occasion… and, have a colour sense for my attire.

Yes, when Sonia was conducting the Workshop, last evening, I was extremely eager and curios. The class was packed with young college kids. They were all glued to what Sonia had to convey. Incidentally, there were three little kids – eight-to-ten-year-old – who had sneaked in just on a special request. And, because the session was on ‘Basic Manners and Etiquette’, Sonia and I had decided to have these kids in the class.

Believe me, these three kids made the Workshop what it had to be – ‘a Workshop’! Their enthusiasm, energy, honesty, curiosity and, above all, fearlessness – just brought life in the class room. Every second, their hands would go up… They would raise their hands, and start thinking! Then, they would, suddenly, forget and sit down! But, again, the very next question, their hands would go up, again!

They brought entertainment to our Workshop, last evening!

“Can any of you tell me, what is appropriate dressing?”

Nine-year-old Paramveer’s hand went up, once again.

“No, Paramveer,” Sonia sweetly told the young Sardar, “Let someone else answer, this time.”

“Please Miss,” the little brat pleaded, “one last chance.”

“Okay, this is really the last chance,” Sonia firmly let the restless bug know, “tell me.”

“Miss, an appropriate dress means: we should wear a clean underwear and a vest, a matching pant and shirt and some good shoes with socks or sandals that don't stink… and, if you are a Sardar like me, you should wear this little pagdi properly!”

Sonia, who is a Sardarni, just collapsed on her seat… and, the class became a WWF stadium!

I immediately pulled Paramveer to me and said, “Honey, we love you… Look, every one is happy!”

The little fellow knew how good entertainer he was! “Thank you sir, thank you every one,” he started bowing his head. 

“But, tell me sweetheart,” I asked him, “Were you joking or were you serious when you gave Miss your answer?”

“Of course, I was serious, sir,” Paramveer sounded dead serious.

He had brought the house, once again, down!

“But, darling, what you have described are the basic things about dressing… our ‘essentials’,” I explained to Paramveer, gently. “All of us, here, should have them.” 

The little one nodded his head in agreement. “Now, any of you, here, without these essentials, please go home,” I turned to the audience and yelled, “Basics are must, here!”

“Look dear,” I caressed the little fellow’s head and said, “Miss is telling us something more than the ‘basics’, okay?”

The head nodded, once more… and, I sent back our little clown back to his seat.

Just then, the door opened. A middle-aged bearded-man had already come in!

I was sitting on the last bench, and hence, I gently took the man out to talk. “Sorry sir, the session is on,” I explained to the man who looked like a ‘Buddhijeevi’ – an intellectual! “Tell me sir, how can I help you?”

“What class is going on inside?” the Buddhijeevi enquired.

“Manners and Etiquette,” I replied.

“Who comes for that?” he sounded sarcastic.

“Well sir, you just saw who have come… Mostly youngsters and kids,” I still explained with ‘basic courtesy’.

“But, these things are essentials… taught to kids at home and school, early in life… Why a ‘special class for that?” the Buddijeevi persisted.

Now, I had left the session and come to handle this 


visitor. I was restless to go back to the class. 


Still, he was a visitor, a stranger… 


I had still not found out 


why he had come to see me. 


So, I swallowed his bitter pill and asked him


 politely, “Sir, please tell me how can I help you?”


 

“Actually, I had come for my son’s admission in twelfth standard,” the Buddijeevi informed, “What are your fees?… And, do you give any ‘guarantee’?… What is the ‘Highest Percentage’ in your class? Since how many years….”

“Sir, here is the form, my card, the fee-details… and, this little compliment, one of the books written by me.” I wanted to end the intellectual discussion on this subject. “You can call me after an hour for any further  information. Now, please excuse me sir; I have to go in.”

I was about to walk back into the packed class room, when I heard, “Okay tell me…”

“Sir, please…”

“Can my son sit for one lecture and see?” the Buddijeevi wanted to know from me as he pulled the sweaty T-shirt over his large belly and tucked my long envelop under his pant-belt!

“Oh no!” I just stormed into the class room and collapsed on the last bench!

The Workshop on ‘Basic Manners and Etiquette’ had come the full circle!

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pics.: Raj Dhage Wai