THE BROKEN PROMISE

“I blog every day.”

I keep telling this to every one, every day.

And, because I have told it to every one, every day… I see myself ‘compelled’ by my own statement, my own proclamation. 

By now, it has become an ‘ego-issue’. Yes, I am driven by my own ego!

I did not blog yesterday. It took a break. 

Now, what sort of break was it? Was it a ‘conscious break’ or was it ‘forced upon me’, which I had to take because I was ‘helpless’?

Well, it wasn’t a ‘conscious’ break. My schedule was crazy the entire day… Every time I tried to type something, something else would come up… and, the whole day went in this manner. 

My blog did not happen.

I wanted to write, but I could not. I was not happy about that. I found myself resisting, arguing in my mind, even worrying about “What others would think”… “I have failed to keep my word”… “I have not lived up to my own expectations… the world’s expectations”… A hundred thoughts like these crisscrossed through my mind.

Finally, a silence fell. 

“It is okay, my friend,” I smiled, 

“Nobody’s heart stopped just because

 you did not publish your Post… 

The World did not end.”

 

The day had ended. It was pitch dark outside. It was a Tuesday, the day so many kept their fasts and prayed to Lord Ganesh. Incidentally, Darpan, a school teacher, had come to see me. “I am a lot upset today,” the young lady said sounding almost guilty, “I somehow could not keep my fast today!”

I smiled again. “Well ma’am,” I jumped in my heart, “I too could not keep my ‘fast’ today!”

“It is okay ma’am,” I consoled her,” “Ganeshji understands!”

Believe me, the madam really smiled!

As I was walking back home, I remembered a story, my friend, Manjeet, had once told in our Public Speaking class when he had found our students restless.

“Once, a Zen Master wanted his four disciples to observe a day-long silence. He asked his servant to take them to the nearby room and, the silence began.

For the entire day, the four disciples could manage to maintain the silence and they were quite pleased with their achievement. But, as the night began to fall, one of the disciples suddenly said to the Master’s servant, “It is getting darker; please light the lamp.”

“Hey, you spoke, you have opened your mouth,” the second disciple cried, instinctively!

“Both of you have opened your mouths,” the third disciple burst out, “Both of you…” he suddenly realized that he too had opened his mouth, he too had broken the silence, and he shut his mouth tightly with his two hands. But, alas! The mouth was already opened… and, the silence was already broken!

Any way, at least, he was ‘half-aware’!

When this drama was going on, our fourth disciple was feeling sorry for his colleagues. He was 'fully aware'! He was feeling proud that he had not opened his mouth and not broken the silence. So proud he was about his great achievement, that he couldn’t wait to declare his surging happiness: “I am the only one in this room, who has not opened his mouth… who has not broken his promise!” “The Master will be very pleased with me,” he concluded!

The story had ended. 

The day had ended.

I had broken a promise… Darpan, too,  had broken a promise… 

But, the World had not ended…

We both were smiling! 

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pics.: Ronald Fernandes