'PERFECTION' IN MARRIAGE? FOLKS, YOU MUST BE KIDDING






















“If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?”

- Kahlil Gibran

Today is my twenty-sixth wedding anniversary. Sorry: ‘our’ wedding anniversary… my wife’s and mine!  “It is always about ‘me’,” my wife, often, points to my blunders, “It is not about ‘us’!”

But, I know it is never about ‘me’, always… Still, there is a point my dear wife tries to make: “Don’t ignore me… Care for me… Love me… We are together in this -  this ship called ‘marriage’.”

A ship to sail for twenty-six years in this sea and survive is not a small achievement. If I post today our picture (me and my wife together) on FB, I am certain to get some of these comments: “Perfect couple”… “Lovely couple”… “Amazing couple”… “Wonderful Couple”… “Super-duper couple”… and, some blessings, too: “God Bless You”… “Stay Blessed” etc.…

Well, we need everyone’s blessings, sure. But, when I read a  comment like, “Perfect Couple” or “Amazing couple”, I don’t know where to hide…

‘Perfection’ in marriage? Folks, you must be kidding!

In twenty-six years, all that we have done is this: Learn to recognize our imperfections… learn to accept them… let go our need to change each other, however frustrating that experience has been… see our differences, respect them, honor them, celebrate them… All that we have done is this, too: argue and fight but not with hatred… Learn to come back and say, “I am sorry” and however difficult that seems to be… to dig old graves lesser and lesser as each day passes by, for, digging old graves only brings more stink in our lives… to age gracefully… not to become bad examples for our son… complain less, thank more… demand less and give more… keep no score card nor a ‘what-I-have-done-to-you’ list… We are still working on grasping the true meaning of the marriage promise we made – ‘I will be by you in our good times and bad times… in our health and sickness.”… Above all, we are limping, still limping, when it comes to finding a true friend – a companion – in each other…

So, another twenty-six years or another two years… I have no idea how much is there in store for us. But, this much for sure: we both shall be faithful to the imperfections we have married to… and, we shall find perfection in our imperfection… yes, in our laughter and tears, in our triumphs and tribulations…

I was getting late for work, this morning. A couple of last minute calls from students and parents made me a little irritated… I had asked Anima, my wife, to keep my tea on the table, which she did with great love… In my hurry and irritation, I just left home, this morning, leaving the cup of tea on the table…

“That’s not love,” Anima reminded me, quite intensely…

After twenty-six long years of sailing this sea, I have the strength and grace  to tell my dear wife, “Yes my darling, you are right!”

Amazing couple, isn’t it?


GERALD D’CUNHA
Pic.: Shraddha Sachdev


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