'PERFECTION' IN MARRIAGE? FOLKS, YOU MUST BE KIDDING






















“If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?”

- Kahlil Gibran

Today is my twenty-sixth wedding anniversary. Sorry: ‘our’ wedding anniversary… my wife’s and mine!  “It is always about ‘me’,” my wife, often, points to my blunders, “It is not about ‘us’!”

But, I know it is never about ‘me’, always… Still, there is a point my dear wife tries to make: “Don’t ignore me… Care for me… Love me… We are together in this -  this ship called ‘marriage’.”

A ship to sail for twenty-six years in this sea and survive is not a small achievement. If I post today our picture (me and my wife together) on FB, I am certain to get some of these comments: “Perfect couple”… “Lovely couple”… “Amazing couple”… “Wonderful Couple”… “Super-duper couple”… and, some blessings, too: “God Bless You”… “Stay Blessed” etc.…

Well, we need everyone’s blessings, sure. But, when I read a  comment like, “Perfect Couple” or “Amazing couple”, I don’t know where to hide…

‘Perfection’ in marriage? Folks, you must be kidding!

In twenty-six years, all that we have done is this: Learn to recognize our imperfections… learn to accept them… let go our need to change each other, however frustrating that experience has been… see our differences, respect them, honor them, celebrate them… All that we have done is this, too: argue and fight but not with hatred… Learn to come back and say, “I am sorry” and however difficult that seems to be… to dig old graves lesser and lesser as each day passes by, for, digging old graves only brings more stink in our lives… to age gracefully… not to become bad examples for our son… complain less, thank more… demand less and give more… keep no score card nor a ‘what-I-have-done-to-you’ list… We are still working on grasping the true meaning of the marriage promise we made – ‘I will be by you in our good times and bad times… in our health and sickness.”… Above all, we are limping, still limping, when it comes to finding a true friend – a companion – in each other…

So, another twenty-six years or another two years… I have no idea how much is there in store for us. But, this much for sure: we both shall be faithful to the imperfections we have married to… and, we shall find perfection in our imperfection… yes, in our laughter and tears, in our triumphs and tribulations…

I was getting late for work, this morning. A couple of last minute calls from students and parents made me a little irritated… I had asked Anima, my wife, to keep my tea on the table, which she did with great love… In my hurry and irritation, I just left home, this morning, leaving the cup of tea on the table…

“That’s not love,” Anima reminded me, quite intensely…

After twenty-six long years of sailing this sea, I have the strength and grace  to tell my dear wife, “Yes my darling, you are right!”

Amazing couple, isn’t it?


GERALD D’CUNHA
Pic.: Shraddha Sachdev


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MUTHU KODI KAWARI HADA

Image
Pic.; Ashwin Mohta M y Hindi was always bad. It still is. One reason for this was, that they introduced Hindi for us only in 6 th standard. Or, was it in 8 th ? I don’t remember… I only remember struggling to write and read… leave alone speak! But, I loved Hindi movies, and, strangely, I could understand the dialogues and the lyrics of the songs… I used to sing those songs (of course when no one was around me!) as if I was the lyricist… One of the songs was a very funny one. ‘Muthu Kodi Kawari Hada’. It was from Mehmood’s super-hit comedy – ‘Do Phool’. I was a 15-year-old high-school boy when I had heard that song (not watched the movie). I could grasp the meaning of two words – ‘Muthu Kodi’… which meant ‘Give kiss’… But, what ‘Kawari Hada’ meant, I have no clue till date! It was just like ‘Why this kolaveri di’... Yes, why ask? Simply enjoy the beats… And, the beats are great… The rest... Who cares? Really! So, whatever bit of Hi
Read more

"HAPPILY EVER AFTER IS NOT A FAIRY-TALE... IT IS A CHOICE"

Image
“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone… It has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.” – Ursula K. Le Guin,  The Lathe of Heaven T welve years ago, when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got married, the world began to hail the couple as ‘Brangelina’. It became a fashion for couples around us to call themselves so… Norbert and Teresa renamed them as ‘Noresa’…  Amol and Vishaka baptized their relationship as ‘Amoshka’… and, Salman and Nargis became ‘Salgis’! I and my wife, too, got tempted to re-christian our matrimonial relationship as ‘Germa’... That is, Gerald and Anima, to be precise! B efore I proceed any further, let me make it very clear, here… that, I have no business to judge on the break-up of Brad Pitt and Angelina’ Jolie’s marriage. I have no inclination to go into why, how, what when etc behind it… The couple ‘chose’ to split. And, it’s their choice… Only they know how good or bad… how joyful or painful that
Read more

SELLING MIRRORS IN THE CITY OF THE BLIND

Image
“I laugh when I hear that the fish in the water is thirsty. I laugh when I hear that people go on pilgrimage to find God.” - Kabir T here is a universal human weakness – and it dates back to the days of fallen civilizations – and it is: to place people on pedestal and trying to be smothered by them, feel loved and protected in their company… worship them as mentors, heroes,  gurus, Mahagurus and Satgurus… Make these mortals larger-than-life cut-outs, worship them as flawless, pure and give one’s all… And, then, ‘take’ everything from them blindly as divine… Give everything to them blindly… Eventually, what happens is:  one more dangerous bondage… What was supposed to free you now becomes a new prison… It’s sad to see this happen! T his room, where I am writing this Post, has no image of any deity. I have no image of any Guru or Master around me… My question is: “Am I not able to feel close to Almighty God?  How does it matter
Read more
THE WILD, WAYSIDE FLOWERS
There is, always, something extra-ordinary in the wild, wayside flowers...