WHEN WE READ TOO MUCH INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S SMILES AND HANDSHAKES

Years ago, there were these two popular books - ‘How to Read a Person Like a Book’ (by Gerard Nierenberg) and ‘Body Language’ by Allan and Barbara Pease. It was the time when people – particularly youngsters – were obsessed with reading about their Horoscopes… Linda Goodman’s books – ‘Sun Signs’, ‘Star Signs’ and ‘Love Signs’ were a rage during this time. This was also the time, when people – yes, particularly youngsters – were found obsessed with reading about the Body Language… right from the way you used your hands to the way you sat, walked, slept and even blinked or frowned – yes, everything about your body was supposed to mean something, say something.

A few decades later, today, I do not see many people hooked on to these kinds of subjects the way they did once… Linda Goodman, Gerard Nierenberg, Allan and Barbara seem to be authors of another time... This is New Age… People seem to be obsessed with new stuff!

But, I still tell young ones, who come to meet me, about their handshakes. “Come, give me a ‘Good’ handshake,” I insist when I sense no life in their handshakes. “Give me a gentle handshake… not very tight and not very loose. When your handshake is too tight, you come about as very dominating or aggressive… and, when it’s too loose, you come about as too submissive, skeptical or indifferent…. Give a gentle, confident handshake.”

Anything ‘old’ or ‘new’ about this advice?

This world did exist thousands of years before Linda, Gerard, Allan and Barbara.  It will continue to exist for thousands of years even after you and I go. But, the subject – ‘How to Read a Handshake Like a Book’ – will never be out of use.

However, there is a danger here. If we start reading too much into other people’s body behavior, we will only end up being stupid… even neurotic.  This morning, while coming to work, I met two senior citizens… Both were doing their morning walk together. “Good morning sirs,” I greeted exuberantly offering my hand to one of them first. “Good morning sirji,” he responded with even more exuberance. Then, I offered my hand to the other. I could feel the ‘lack of interest’… and I didn’t hear even a whisper in response!

Now, the first thought to come in my mind was: “Why did I offer my hand to this person in the first place?”

But, by the time the thought faded, I could see a smile blooming on my face. “Come on, don’t read too much into a senior citizen’s handshake,” I found me reminding myself, “Shake off your heavy head and move on!”

Too often, this world can be a better place – with least complications – if we stop reading too much into other people’s smiles and handshakes. Our heads can be much lighter, too.

GERALD D’CUNHA

Pic.: Khushboo Gulrajani